Wednesday, April 25, 2007

Freak of the week

It's contest time! Remember, this is a Cook County-based blog, so vote early and often!

1) Former court officer Robert Theriault was convicted of prostitution. His crime? Theriault met a homeless couple and "...told them he worked for an insurance company and wanted them to test sheets and condoms by having sex while he watched. The sheets were supposedly designed to increase sperm count. The condoms would be tested for reliability, the couple recalled Theriault saying."

2) Doctor Raymond Adamcik dressed up as Captain America, stuffed a burrito down his shorts, groped a woman and got caught with some weed.

3) An unknown man walked into a British restaurant and cut off his own penis.


Splotchy said...

Aw man, it's Captain America, on so many levels.

1. Captain America just got killed off in the comix.
2. He stuck a burrito inside his pants, not a hot dog, like a good American superhero would use.
3. The pic. And please don't post pics for your other contestants, not interested in seein' them, especially Sir Missing Penis.

"jew" "girl" said...

what I can't get past is that a homeless couple would be interested in sperm producing sheets. homeless babies don't carry the same cachet that third world babies do, so what gives?

re: peeny boy, of course nobody sustained any injuries, he was looking for a captive audience to nosh on his fresh meat with rustic ragu.

Coaster Punchman said...

This series is even more heartwarming than Mindy June's "Jesus of the Week."

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I have to go with Captain America on this one - he's got a costume and everything. No word on whether he has an actual penis in addition to the burrito, however.

Johnny Yen said...

It is difficult to choose, but I think I have to go with Captain America, for his unique "bulge-producing" food choice.

"Hey baby, you want a taste of my burrito?" The pick-up lines would be endless.

Dino aka Katy said...

I think number 3 wins that one

justacoolcat said...

I wonder if he saved any of that burrito for me?

Bubs said...

Coolcat, that's probably what he ate in lockup.

Katy, I almost feel bad for including the unknown penectomy. I mean, I suppose there's a difference between being a freak and just being deeply, profoundly mentally ill.

Johnny, I just think the Captain was recognizing our unique relationship with Latin America.

Barbara, maybe we should introduce him to candidate #3?

CP, thanks for the endorsement! Maybe MJ and I could launch a combined effort: Jesus Freak of the Week.

J.G., I'm surprised no one has picked Robert Theriault. I thought that his approach was SO unique--going to all that trouble to recruit a couple of homeless people with that cockamamie it's always more entertaining when a law enforcement type breaks freaky, a la Harvey Keitel in the Bad Lieutenant.

Splotchy, I think I unintentionally introduced bias into the contest by using that picture. Everyone loves grown men, arrested, dressed as cartoon characters.

"jew" "girl" said...

oh bubs, honey, you have nothing to feel badly about or almost badly about. if he was mentally ill, they would've said so. they didn't. peeny boy is fair game, baby!

Mob said...

I would've loved to see a cop having to check Cap's shield into the evidence locker.

Oh, and thanks for mentioning Bad Lieutenant, now I want to go and watch that again and despair for our society.

Johnny Yen said...

My buddy Jamie and I made up a drinking game to Bad Lieutenant. It's basically a variation on the classic 'Hi Bob"-- watchng a Bob Newhart show rerun and drinking every time someone says "Hi Bob." You drink every time Harvey Keitel's character does something bad, yelling "Bad Lieutenant!" If he does something really bad (for instance, shooting up while having sex with two hookers) you yell "Bad, BAD Lieutenant" and drink your whole drink.

Bubs said...

Bad Lieutenant has become required viewing for our investigators. If you want to break us up, just walk into a roll call and say

"Leave it to the Catholic Church. Girls get raped every day, and now we're putting up 50 Gs just 'cause these girls wear f*ckin' penguin suits"

Or, "does your father know you're driving an unregistered vehicle"