Saturday, August 18, 2007

Hold on! That Japanese pizza looks suspicious

As you all know, our motto here is CONSTANT VIGILANCE! An example of that constant vigilance was shown by our youngest daughter, whose discerning eye discovered some pretty disturbing things about that "pizza." She wanted to study the video in greater detail, and so she visited the Pizza-La website for more information. While she was there she found this image containing all the "ingredients" shown in the commercial:


Because of her discovery, I've come to the conclusion that, at the very least, this Japanese pizza desires a revival of the WWII era Axis. Witness the Hitler Onion:


Maybe it's not supposed to be Hitler. Maybe it's just some jailbird white supremacist sporting a Hitler mustache, with a tattooed teardrop commemorating the punk he shanked in the yard. I don't like it.

Things get worse. It's obvious the Japanese have no respect for the integrity of our borders, because they've also included some kind of sombrero-wearing undocumented vegetable:

Our staunch moral values are under attack as well. You thought leaded baby goods and contaminated toothpaste were bad? Hah. Pizza-La has decided that an angry condom makes a good pizza ingredient:

There's more.

Have you ever thought to yourself, "hey, this pizza lacks impact, I think it could use a bomb." The corporate masters at Pizza-La must have had that same thought, because they put bombs on their pizza. Bombs disguised with sunglasses and bird beaks, but with the tell-tale fuse still burning on their little animated heads:


I've saved the worst for last. It seems that Pizza-La might even hate our freedom and want us all to die in an orgy of Islamic fundamentalist violence. Pizza-La? More like Pizza-Bin Laden. Why else would they put a turbaned extremist next to a vial of weaponized anthrax on your pizza?

7 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Suddenly I'm not so hungry any more.

Dale said...

Kraft would never do this to us.

Bubs said...

Dale you're right. Kraft never bombed Pearl Harbor, either.

Barbara, I can't imagine why not...

Sinverguenza said...

Uh, watch out which mega corporation you assign positive All-American characteristics to, they often turn out to deserve only the negative All-American characteristics. Kraft is owned by Phillip Morris.

Tenacious S said...

See! I knew that pizza was evil. Clearly this is a case of borderline personality disorder pizza.

justacoolcat said...

Have you ever thought to yourself, "hey, this pizza lacks impact, I think it could use a bomb."

Hypothetically speaking? All the time.

Though still not as much as angry condom pizza.

Being full begins at conception.

Dino aka Katy said...

thank goodness I really don't like pizza