Thursday, October 11, 2007

We've got a clown problem


I'm tired, but I had to get this out there while it's still relatively fresh.

Two clown stories in the news, and both have a midwestern angle.

First, in frightening news from Marion, Iowa, a trio of scary clowns are apparently going around kicking in front doors (perhaps in advance of Halloween?) and punching homeowners in the face.

Now my second story.

Right about the same time I was reading about A. Paul Carlock's arrest on child pornography charges, southside bureau chief Dena was sending me a link to this Smoking Gun story. The Smoking Gun has an extra-creepy promo video from Klutzo's trip to the Philippines.

A. Paul Carlock, a Springfield, Illinois resident better known as Klutzo the Clown, is something of a renaissance clown. Not merely a clown, he is a Christian Clown. He has also been a police officer, juvenile counselor, youth officer, police trainer and has served in a variety of other Illinois government jobs. Oh, yeah, he's also worked at a couple of day care centers and is an ordained minister with the Missionary Church International.

In short, this sick bastard has had nothing but jobs giving him access to children for something like 20 years. According to this story in the Lincoln Courier, Carlock's last marriage ended in 1984 after "an incident" forced him to resign his job as pastor at a local church. His current wife filed for divorce last week citing "mental cruelty" after clowning around with him for several years.

I had a link to Klutzo's webpage, but as of 10:45 pm CST it's no longer operational.

After a little digging, though, I was able to come up with A. Paul Carlock Jr.'s Amazon.com profile. These were the tags he used in the reviews he wrote of ten movies:

(3), (2), (2), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1), (1)


According to this story in The Daily Journal, a downstate Illinois newspaper,

In December 1986, Carlock wrote a letter to the State Journal-Register complaining about a cartoon. In the letter, he said he was a conservative Christian and not ashamed of the fact.

"I am not in favor of censorship, but do feel that far too much 'smut' has been poured into the minds of Americans by all forms of media," he wrote.

"I have spent the past 16 years in law enforcement and related professions. I have spoken with victims and offenders and have read many case histories in which pornographic materials played an overwhelming role in the events that have left lives shattered and homes broken."

Later in the letter, he wrote: "Why is it so unreasonable to assume the government has the right to protect the public from the harmful effects of pornography (especially in light of the vast amounts of evidence to support this claim)?

As in so many stories like this, it's not just the child victims of the clown who suffer. In this case, law-abiding clown Klutzo, also known as Algonquin Village Clerk Jerry Kautz, has retired his wig and floppy shoes after being confused for the evil Klutzo.

14 comments:

Splotchy said...

Hey, I'm from Springfield, IL and I wasn't molested by Klutzo!

Perhaps I should get that made into a t-shirt.

Erik Donald France said...

On some level, any clown is a problem!

Who are these Bozos, anyway?

Melinda June said...

See, the Marion IA clowns are showing honor among thieves. FINALLY clowns are openly displays their true nature and teaching the innocent public to beware. Next they'll start making balloon hangman's nooses and squirting acid from the flowers on their lapels.

Knowledge is power, baby.

Bubs said...

Melinda, I think you've given me a new label for clown and alligator posts: "Knowledge is power, baby!" Thank you!

Marion has been the site of some very productive antique store shopping for me. I'll have to watch for clowns now while I'm there.

Erik, good question man. Good question.

Splotchy, I like that. I think the Algonquin village clerk has a similar shirt that says "I'm not THAT Klutzo."

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

The ones who proclaim they love Jesus th elodest and thatthey hate "smut" the loudest are always the one who are the stinking pervs. How much you want to bet he blames the internet or movies and TV for his sickness?

kirby said...

I tried wading through the movie reviews, but got mired in the ickyness.

Mob said...

It's sad to me that the evil molester clowns are ruining it for the not as evil, simply creepy 'normal' clowns.

Like poor old 'not that Klutzo'.

justacoolcat said...

How much do you want to bet he "Re-finds Jesus as his saviour"?

jewgirl said...

un-fucking-believable. The zealots are the worst offenders. They are so damn righteous and are all too often caught committing the very crimes they so zealously pursue themselves.

Grant Miller said...

I'm glad my kids haven't asked to have a clown at their birthday parties.

Bubs said...

Grant, I'm sure you're bringing them up right and they're already scared to death of clowns. I know my kids always were.

J.G. don't you think someone would eventually catch onto that? I mean, it's so obvious.

Coolcat, I'm sure. He's already done the classic accused-child sex offender-check into a psych hospital ploy. Jeebus is next in the deck.

Mob, I almost didn't post this guy for just that reason.

Kirby, isn't there something really creepy about those movie picks?

Dr MVM, yes indeed. In hindsight that letter he wrote to the paper was probably his cry for help.

Coaster Punchman said...

Have you ever told us what got you started on the clown phobia? Aside from their being evil, that is?

Bubs said...

CP, I don't fear them, I merely find them odd. What I REALLY enjoy is how much they creep out other people.

Johnny Yen said...

Poor Klutzo-- he'd only recently been able to savor the fact that he had moved up into the #1 place in the "Creepy Christian Clown" list, with the death of Jerry Falwell.