Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Florida: Prepare for your new insect overlords

As if Florida doesn't have enough to worry about, now comes this story:

You think palmetto bugs are big? New "hissing" cockroach may head to south Florida

And do you know who's to blame for this situation? No, not God.

Lizard-owning freaks, that's who:

Lizard owners may be aiding the import of the new varieties, according to a pair of UF scientists at the Institute of Food and Agricultural Sciences. Roaches make a good replacement for crickets -- which are noisier, smellier and more expensive -- as reptile food.


Some Guy said...

Aww! They're adorable!

Randal Graves said...

How long before someone hawks towels marked HISS and HERS? Groan.

SkylersDad said...

Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over - 'conquered,' if you will - by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive Earthmen or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I, for one, welcome our new insect overlords.

Anonymous said...

I knew it was those Lizard Owning Freaks. I also blame them for the economy troubles and the new and improved Coke from a few years ago.

Gifted Typist said...

"Bushes" - as in the former presidential variety - also make good replacements for crickets, I understand.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Well, at least they're easy to spot!

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

there's a REASON I moved out of FLA. This is but one of 'em: winter: bugs die or hibernate and we have at least 3-6 lovely insect free months.

Cormac Brown said...

Hissing cockroaches in Florida? What, McPain can still breed and he left some larvae?

dguzman said...

lol @ cormac

I knew some lizard owners, and they ARE freaks! Fucking fuckers, bringing these bugs here!

Queen Goob said...

AAHHHHHH - I just commented about how much I HATE palmetto bugs. If one has never experienced these lovely creatures, just image a roach large enough to add to the grocery list you've left on the counter and let you know when you're out of Captain Crunch. .

Bubs said...

Queen, hello! Thanks for stopping by! I agree with you on Palmetto bugs--you haven't had the full Florida experience until you've walked outside, and been hit in the face by one just as the screen door opens.

DGuzman, I'm glad you agree. There are notable exceptions: kids who have lizards for a while because they have tolerant parents, or are doing a science project, and reptile scientists.

Cormac, hah! Did you see that it's come out that Cindy was cheating on him? Crazy times man.

Cap'n, yes, the one good thing about midwestern winters.

Barbara, thanks for staying positive. Have you ever heard the crispy/squishing noise they make when you crush one? Ugh.

Typist, you're confusing them with dung beetles I think.

Suze, hello, and thanks for stopping by! I love having new guests. Thank you for adding to my list of things to blame on lizard owning freaks.

Skylersdad, the ants scare me. Please don't do that.

Randal, WHOA! Will you be here all week?

Some Guy, I'll be sure and send you a shoebox full on my next trip down there.

Anonymous said...


Johnny Yen said...

Did you ever read Dave Marsh' columns in the Trib magazine in the old days? He moved to Florida, and was disturbed at the size and surliness of their cockroaches, and then more disturbed about the hissing beetles. I can see why so many Floridians carry guns. Well, and protection against other Floridians.

Katie Schwartz said...

Because cockroaches aren't disgusting enough, they should hiss?! Oy vey.

Leave it to Bubbsie to unearth this freak o' the week.

Bacon Lady said...

This whole post is making me want to crawl right out of my skin.

I'll be itching all night when I think about it.