Monday, February 02, 2009

How's about a raffle ticket?

One advantage--along with alcohol consumption during religious services--that Roman Catholicism has over many Protestant denominations is tolerance of gambling. I don't recall ever being at a bingo game or casino night sponsored by a Baptist church, and I've been in some excellent Baptist churches.

Here's the deal:

My brother's parish is holding a raffle, and my brother (like all the other parents with kids at that school) has to sell at least 3 tickets. The tickets cost $100 each. Top prize is $20,000, second prize is $10,000, and...well, just go ahead and read the flyer. You have a 1 in 20 chance of winning something.

My brother and sis-in-law are in a bind because, in today's climate, where the hell do you find the nerve to approach people and ask them to give you $100 for a freaking raffle ticket?

That's where I come in. My family figures I know more degenerate gamblers than most people, so they came to me for help. $100 is a lot of kale, no doubt about it, but you can split tickets among a group. Who isn't dying for a chance to parlay $25 into $5,000? I know I am. Or let's say you might even have $100. Why not find 3 other investors, buy 4 tickets, and instead of having one chance to win $20,000 you can have 4 chances to win $5,000! Think of the permutations. The mind reels.

So, if you're interested, and you'd like to see my niece and nephew continue to get the education that children in our family so desperately need (we are horrible sinners, after all) please get me by email and we'll work something out.

Like I said earlier, the children are our future. Now let's all get lucky.


Katie Schwartz said...

bubbsie, you are hysterical. What a great sales pitch. I'll email you now. You can count the Schwartz goils in :)

Them kids needs thems an ed.. edgeu... edu.. something like that.

Gifted Typist said...

Hey, is this a Ponzi scheme?

Mnmom said...

I am very, very tempted

Anonymous said...

Listing pending on

Randal Graves said...

Hey, anything labeled "adults only" has gotta be worth it, even if tainted by Jesusery.

If my damn refund comes in on time, I might actually consider possibly maybe buying a piece of a ticket with some other yokels.

Unless it IS a Ponzi scheme, in which case I'll buy seven.

Bubs said...

Randal, but then you'd also have to find 7 more people to buy 7 tickets as well.

MnMom, the only way I can do it is to split with other people. If you're interested (you too Randal) just email me for details.

GT, see my answer to Randal.

Katie, Gawd bless the Schwartz girls!

FranIAm said...

Catholicism does not tolerate gambling - it encourages it! Go grab a drink and buy another raffle ticket.

And a note to Gifted Typist - in the Catholic world this is a SAINT Ponzi scheme. It's totally legit too.