Monday, March 23, 2009

The impossible truth behind Snake Plissken's eye patch

About 20 years ago in blog time Samurai Frog tagged me with this one: come up with a story explaining THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH BEHIND SNAKE PLISSKEN'S EYE PATCH! The meme originated over at Lazy Eye Theater.

And now, without further ado:



THE IMPOSSIBLE TRUTH BEHIND SNAKE PLISSKEN'S EYE PATCH!

The military career of S.D. "Snake" Plissken is well known. Plissken excelled during his inital training and service, and was selected early on for an assignment to special forces.



After completing his initial training as an operator, Plissken was chosen to participate in a prototype training program. Long before the style known as "mixed martial arts" was developed, the US military took a select few warriors and assigned them to train in different martial arts from around the world. Some soldiers went to Israel to study Krav Maga, some to Thailand, home of Muay Thai, and some went to Botswana to learn Obnu Bilate.

S.D. "Snake" Plisskin went to China to learn the fabled "Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique" under legendary Shaolin master Pai Mei.



S.D. "Snake" Plissken was Pai Mei's very first caucasian student, and the collision of Plissken's headstrong nature with Pai Mei's xenophobia did not end well. Plissken was extracted by a SEAL team and flown stateside for medical treatment. He refused to even consider being fitted with a prosthetic eye, and considered the patch to be a sign of honor.

It is unknown whether or not Plissken ever mastered the Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique.

13 comments:

Paul Brazill said...

when I saw 'escape from LA', i thought it was good, but not a patch on the first film...

SkylersDad said...

This is brilliant Bubs, I loved it!

Becca said...

Awesome! I could so see this playing out in my head!

dguzman said...

Oh, the cruel tutelage of Pai Mei!

Utah Savage said...

Nice job of explaining something I have never seen and care nothing about. The tribute to you is that I read this as if I cared. Now that's writing.

kirby said...

No wonder Pai Mei plucked Snake's eye out. Pai Mei hates Caucasians, despises Americans, and loathes women. Had Snake been Snakina, he'd be missing both eyes.

Gifted Typist said...

Five Point Palm Exploding Heart Technique -

Brilliant

SamuraiFrog said...

Liquid awesome, and I'm going to drink it.

Erik Donald France said...

Yeahdawg. Snake returns to the USA with words for future wife packed behind his last good eye:

"Just like all Yankee women, all you are good at is ordering in restaurants -- and spending a man's money!"

Randal Graves said...

So that's what happens when you forget to wax off.

justacoolcat said...

Snake Plisskin? I thought he was dead

Anonymous said...

You have really great taste on catch article titles, even when you are not interested in this topic you push to read it

Anonymous said...

It is useful to try everything in practise anyway and I like that here it's always possible to find something new. :)