Monday, May 15, 2006

In Florida, More People, More Gators, More Attacks

"Florida wildlife officials are calling the deaths of three people by alligator attack in less than one week 'unrelated coincidences.'"

That's a quote from the NY Times article linked above. Of course the mainstream media says these attacks are "unrelated coincidences" and I'm sure that's what the authorities want us to believe. Prepared Americans know better.

With Bush's announcement that he's sending National Guard troops to our southern border to protect us from hard-working Mexicans, it's clear to me that what we have here is the beginning of a deadly alligator preparedness gap, fueled by the president's short-sighted agenda. I demand (and I urge all of you to contact your representatives) to know why our government plans to dump valuable resources into Mexican immigration deterrence, thereby leaving the soft underbelly of the USA open to mounting gator carnage.

Well, preparedness is my middle name, so I've been reading up on alligator defense. It turns out that alligators can be dispatched in much the same way as reanimated flesheating zombies: kill the brain and the beast will die. The Georgia DNR thoughtfully supplies these guidelines. I don't have a "bangstick", "snatch hook", or harpoon, but I do have a handgun. The Georgia DNR also informs us that we can dispatch the alligator by "severing the spinal cord with a sharp implement" but the idea of flailing away at a maneating gator with a sling blade sounds a little too reckless for me.

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