Saturday, March 17, 2007

What I learned today...

Here's what I learned today:

If you have a body slumped over in the front seat of a car, and rigor mortis has set in, it can be pretty difficult to remove that body from the car. Specifically, it can be difficult to remove the body without banging the head against the steering wheel, causing the horn to sound repeatedly. And watching a corpse head repeatedly sounding a car horn, while the air fills with the smell of dead body poop, is, at once, tragic, embarrassing and pretty hilarious.

17 comments:

Mob said...

What in the hell kind of day have you had?

lulu said...

I do hope you plan to write a book when you retire, or a series.

Johnny Yen said...

It definitely is approaching time to retire, isn't it? I'm with Lulu-- a book is definitely called for.

Dale said...

I'm hoping this was a work thing Bubs!

Tenacious S said...

Well, Good Morning! Suddenly I like my job even more than I did yesterday. When we dissected a cat for out human physiology class in high school we named our cat Rigor.

Coaster Punchman said...

I really need a different job.

justacoolcat said...

I'm so glad you ended this post the way you did because I found it funny almost instantly and then started to think "This is real, what kind of a monster am I?"
Now I don't have to know the answer.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I prefer learning this kind of thing second-hand, by reading your blog. Suddenly my job seems pretty decent after all.

Bubs said...

Barbara, how can you call your job decent when it doesn't involve stuffing corpses into big Tyvek bags?

Coolcat, glad you saw it for what it was. We made sure his coworkers were back inside before we started, because we got the giggles almost immediately. Part of it was the half-empty bottle of beer in the cupholder; even better was the cellphone in his pocket (yes, the one I initially missed) that started going off once he was in the bag. Have you considered a job in law enforcement?

CP, why?

Ten S, how does a cat help understand human physiology? I've never cut open a cat, just frogs and fetal pigs.

Dale, it was a church outing. Baptists--what are you going to do, huh?

Johnny and Lulu, thanks. Sadly, though, I have the curse of the Irish--my best book ideas have been talked away in gin mills before anything gets committed to paper.

mob, what kind of day? Kind of fun, actually. The only part that sucked was having to locate the dead guy's son and tell him his dad was dead. That's never good.

Dino aka Katy said...

okay I guess without the smell it would have been funny - kind of morbid funny I guess

Kate said...

Something tells me I can't wait to hear the full story of that one.

*psst it's almost camping season!*

Bubs said...

Kate we were just talking about camping. We'll have to start planning now for the first good weather.

Have you heard my idea for "Blogapalooza"?

Johnny Yen said...

Blogapalooza? Do tell!

Bubs said...

I'd like to find a location (HINT HINT Kate & Shirmp) where a bunch of like-minded friends and family can set up camp, cook out, have a big fire, howl at the moon, etc once the weather gets good. I know there are some camping-averse people out there, but I promise if you come camping with the Bubses you'll eat well and drink well.

lulu said...

I'm not camping-averse. I'm digging a hole to poop in-adverse.

Bubs said...

Same difference Lulu. Would it help if someone else digs the hole well in advance and puts a fancy toilet seat over it, and surrounds the whole affair with a really nice privacy cabana? It's just like indoor plumbing, only instead of flushing you shovel a little dirt on top. I guarantee it's nicer than any porta-pots you've been in at street festivals.

lulu said...

As long as I am not digging a hole and squatting I am game for pretty much anything.