Wednesday, May 23, 2007

If you're not creeped out, then I'm not doing my job

It's been a busy few days since returning from Florida. So many things going on, so much to write about, so little time to do it. We were lucky enough last week to finally participate in Johnny Yen's popular "Margarita Friday." Thanks to a 64 oz box of Fresh Island margarita mix on sale at Binny's Beverage Depot, and an unopened bottle of tequila that MizBubs found behind the tiki bar, "Margarita Friday" turned into "Margarita Saturday", followed closely by "Margarita Sunday".

Still, the weekend was productive. MizBubs and the girls spent the better part of the weekend working in the yard and garden. MizBubs, handiest gal in town, found the leak that was causing our pond to drain--thankfully it was a 2 inch split in the hose running from the pump up to the waterfall, so a pretty easy repair job, compared to tearing up several hundred pounds of concrete and stone. More on all that yard stuff later. Why?

Because now I'm here to talk about clown crime.

I didn't plan on blogging at all this week, but a couple of items jumped out at me and I felt compelled to bring them to your attention. Remember, it's almost Memorial Day, and that means that carnivals are on the move. And when the carny smells of deep fried fat, human sweat and cheap beer are in the air, the clown is close behind. Just as it is with alligators, the best defense against clown crime is constant vigilance!

A clown wearing a top hat robbed a Fredericksburg, Virginia CVS store of $6,000 worth of Oxycontin and Methadone.

Ronald Schroeder, better known as "Silly the Clown", is in custody in Waukesha, Wisconsin. He stands accused of raping his unconscious girlfriend. Silly took photos of the event, and when cops arrested him they also (surprise!) seized child porn on his computer. You can read the criminal complaint here. Alcohol was involved.

Schroeder should probably have called himself "Stalker the Clown" since he had two restraining orders filed against him in the past.

Schroeder's case involves computers, email and messaging. Is there a trend here? Remember, just a few weeks ago popular Colorado children's entertainer "Giggles the Clown" got arrested for using the internet to lure an underage sex partner.

Authorities in Tuscon, Arizona recently convicted half of a quartet of criminals known as the "Clown Robbers." A closer examination of this case, however, revealed that the offenders were not actually working clowns, but merely common criminals who wore clown disguises.


Tenacious S said...

See, no pot in any of those crimes.

Splotchy said...

I'm looking forward to some truth-in-advertising in clown names in the near future.

Someday maybe there will be one named "Arrest The Clown".

Barbara Bruederlin said...

But how do you tell the difference between a working clown and a common criminal in a clown disguise? Is there indeed a difference?

btw - Miz Bubs and the girls are totally bad-ass in their gardening outfits.

Beth said...

Those damn meth clowns.

Johnny Yen said...

Why don't I ever find unopened bottles of tequila in my house? I'll have to talk to my kids about that. I'd rather have those hidden than easter eggs.

RE the clown robbers-- shouldn't they be filed under the file "Unclear on the concept?" One would think that a robber would want to blend in, not stand out.

Where do clown offenders stand in the prison pecking order?

jin said...

I'm not creeped out.

So, there. :-P

I think being born in WI predestines you to accepting many many many things without experiencing fear.

justacoolcat said...

With this disturbing new trend of clown crime I can only imagine it won't be long before we have police in clown disguises setting up baloon busts.

Bubs said...

coolcat, i've worked with some of those clown cops. Get a few drinks in me and I'll tell you some stories some day...

Jin, if it doesn't kill you...right?

Johnny, you should see behind our tiki bar. There's a hookah back there and all kinds a stuff. We got to have you out here. I think clowns are pretty low, and a clown child sex offender is right above prison snitch.


Beth, I'm glad you liked those outfits. Those cheap bastards at Ortho owe us some big money for making their fertilizer sacks look so good.

Splotchy, have you seen the movie Shakes the Clown? It came close to telling the truth.

Ten, nope. Once again, more proof that alcohol is worse than weed.

lulu said...

Why is "Silly" charged with 30 counts of making a visual representation of nudity? Once for each photograph?

Also, my brother practices law in a small Wisconsin town; every year they have at least half a dozen cases connected to the local carnival. Usually some drunk stuff, and always at least one statutory rape case involving a carny and a 15-year-old townie girl.

Mob said...

Can't we detain the clowns in some way?

Though thousands of clowns milling around Gauntanamo Bay has a really creepy image to it.

Bubs said...

Mob, wow. A whole new meaning for the term "clown camp"

Lulu, the carnival that comes to the town I work in is pretty clean and well-run, the owners live in Arlington Heights. Years ago, back in the early 90's, we'd brace ourselves for the arrival of the carnival--we had three of them every season, and my dealings with the people responsible for setting up and running the rides resulted in my not going on carnival rides any more.

Johnny Yen said...

My mother worked, for years, for an insurance company that insured those carnivals. She saw so many horror stories-- drunken carnies forgetting to put cotter pins in so rides disintegrated, rides malfunctioning, flinging people a hundred feet-- needless to say, we did not go to any of those carnivals.

In the end, too, I guess one should question getting on a ride put together by a person whose lot in life is being a carny.

Coaster Punchman said...

Dude, let's get you off the margarita mix. Squeeze some fresh limes, and then use about 1 part lime, 1/2 a part triple sec, 1 to 1.5 parts tequila. Add a little sugar if needed. Splash of oj is good too. Shake over ice. Alternatively, use equal parts tequila, lime and Grand Marnier with an extra splah of oj (or better yet the juice of a fresh orange.) That is truly a kick ass margie. We'll party.

"jew" "girl" said...

clowns are wrong on every level. I've yet to meet a clown that didn't skeeve me from a-to-z.

ps: that is so fucking funny and sick, I can't even begin to tell you.

Bubs said...

J.G. it's great to have you back!

And you are absolutely right about clowns. Usually, if you get close enough, you can tell they have a distinct musk about them too...that's usually how you can avoid having them sneak up behind you. That combination of sweat, old laundry and greaspaint with a hint of booze behind it.

CP, thanks. Very, very rarely do we ever work from a mix, MizBubs especially. And we were, sadly, out of Grand Marnier. Not that I'm making excuses, mind you. I've heard you're quite the mixologist.