Never forget

Never forget that the clowns are out there, that is.

Because they are.

Here comes Peter Cottontail...

Here comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail,
Hippity hoppity,
Easter's on its way

Bringin' ev'ry girl and boy
A basketful of Easter joy
Things to make your Easter
Bright and gay

He's got jelly beans for Tommy
Colored eggs for sister Sue
There's an orchid for your mommy
And an Easter bonnet too. Oh!

Here' comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail
Hippity hoppity
Happy Easter Day

Look at him hop and listen to him say,
"Try to do the things you should"
Maybe if you're extra good
He'll roll lots of Easter eggs your way

You'll wake up on Easter morning
And you'll know that he was there
When you find those choc'late bunnies That he's hiding ev’rywhere, Oh!

Here' comes Peter Cottontail
Hoppin' down the bunny trail
Hippity hoppity
Happy Easter Day.

If you're not creeped out, then I'm not doing my job

It's been a busy few days since returning from Florida. So many things going on, so much to write about, so little time to do it. We were lucky enough last week to finally participate in Johnny Yen's popular "Margarita Friday." Thanks to a 64 oz box of Fresh Island margarita mix on sale at Binny's Beverage Depot, and an unopened bottle of tequila that MizBubs found behind the tiki bar, "Margarita Friday" turned into "Margarita Saturday", followed closely by "Margarita Sunday".

Still, the weekend was productive. MizBubs and the girls spent the better part of the weekend working in the yard and garden. MizBubs, handiest gal in town, found the leak that was causing our pond to drain--thankfully it was a 2 inch split in the hose running from the pump up to the waterfall, so a pretty easy repair job, compared to tearing up several hundred pounds of concrete and stone. More on all that yard stuff later. Why?

Because now I'm here to talk about clown crime.

I didn't plan on blogging at all this week, but a couple of items jumped out at me and I felt compelled to bring them to your attention. Remember, it's almost Memorial Day, and that means that carnivals are on the move. And when the carny smells of deep fried fat, human sweat and cheap beer are in the air, the clown is close behind. Just as it is with alligators, the best defense against clown crime is constant vigilance!

A clown wearing a top hat robbed a Fredericksburg, Virginia CVS store of $6,000 worth of Oxycontin and Methadone.

Ronald Schroeder, better known as "Silly the Clown", is in custody in Waukesha, Wisconsin. He stands accused of raping his unconscious girlfriend. Silly took photos of the event, and when cops arrested him they also (surprise!) seized child porn on his computer. You can read the criminal complaint here. Alcohol was involved.

Schroeder should probably have called himself "Stalker the Clown" since he had two restraining orders filed against him in the past.

Schroeder's case involves computers, email and messaging. Is there a trend here? Remember, just a few weeks ago popular Colorado children's entertainer "Giggles the Clown" got arrested for using the internet to lure an underage sex partner.

Authorities in Tuscon, Arizona recently convicted half of a quartet of criminals known as the "Clown Robbers." A closer examination of this case, however, revealed that the offenders were not actually working clowns, but merely common criminals who wore clown disguises.

Weekend clown update

'Giggles The Clown' Jailed On Sex Charges

He listed his occupation as a clown and said he was "just clowning around till I find what I'm looking for."

Happy Easter IV: Now it's dark

My eldest noted that someone appears to have photoshopped an evil bunny head onto a scary Santa. No problem--either way, the kid cries.

Happy Easter III: Lord of the Harvest

See that poster in the background? Does it refer to the big moldy-smelling pink bunny, back from the pet sematary to visit the kids at Sunday school? The little girl on the left knows it's harvest time, and bunny has come to collect.

Happy Easter II

Happy Easter

Pipe-hittin' exotic animals

While the alligator/crack cocaine nexus is a well-established fact in the field of narcozoology, and there appear to be multiple links between drug use and ownership of exotic pets, this author has not yet established a strong link between methamphetamine use and any specific animal. Until now.

Sheriff's Police in Riverside County, California, were startled by a coatimundi while searching a home for drugs. According to this story, 29 year old Norman James Vollan purchased the creature for $1,000 and brought it from Texas to Nevada, where he lived at the time. Eventually the duo rolled west and settled in Riverside County. After the search was completed, Vollan was charged with possession of methamphetamine and child pornography.

Forget the iconic cowboy, the rugged pioneer families, trappers and ranchers. This is the new American West: rootless perverted dope fiends and their freak pets shambling westward, waiting to meet The Man.

Clown of the week

Hey, you.

I'm your friend. I'm not like all the others...

Welcome to 2007. Enjoy the ride