Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Look out for the naked clown

When you're mining the mainstream media for freak news you have to dig deep. Sometimes you don't find a story for a week or two after it surfaces, sometimes longer. And I apologize for that, because I want to give you what you, dear readers, need to know as soon as you need to know it.

Now look at this guy to the right. What the hell kind of clown was he, anyway? I'll tell you.

He's the kind of clown who was active in his church, and got arrested diddling kids while engaged in clowning. Most recently, he's the kind of clown who answers the door naked when the police come to his house on a routine sex offender check. Guess what else the cops found inside--that's right, wait for it...a 15 year old girl, in his bedroom. In his bed.

So, how does a part-time clown/technician at a manufacturing company/registered sex offender meet a 15 year old girl? Through an online Christian chat room! Read through that story and you'll find this chilling sentence three paragraphs up from the bottom:

"Police think there may be another victim, and they are piecing together Gomez's history. They found a red plastic nose and makeup in his home."

In the made for TV movie version of this story, the camera will linger on that red plastic nose and tube of greasepaint, and the music will swell threateningly right before the commercial.


Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I knew there was a reason why I hated clowns.

Splotchy said...

Well, I think I now have satisfied my daily requirement of 'icky poo'.

lulu said...

Aren't *all* clowns church-going child molesters?

Johnny Yen said...

By his looks, I would have pegged him as a serial-killer drifter.

Dino aka Katy said...

lovely just one more thing to make us feel "safe"

Anonymous said...

There must be better freaks to report on than just the perverts... are the others just not doing anything newsworthy?

Grant Miller said...

Oh for Christ's sake. There's a reason why I give stink eye to every adult that sets foot at our neighborhood park.

justacoolcat said...

I couldn't even get a 15 year old in my bed when I was 15; what teen male would believe the secret to scoring is a clown costume and a Bible?

Tenacious S said...

You must be making this up for our amusement, because it is too insane to be true.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I'll bet he's a cannibal too. And he ate that other clown.

Bubs said...

Barbara, could be.

Ten, I make nothing up. Well, actually, I make up a lot of stuff. Just not this.

Coolcat, the clown suit I don't get, but Bible thumpin really gets the girlies.

Grant, you should just throw rocks at them. If they're legit, they'll understand.

Sin, I've been on a pervert streak, no doubt about it. The thing is, a lot of other freaks are just mentally ill, and I feel bad for them.

Katy, it's what I do. Sorry.

Johnny, I agree, good eye. He looks more jailbird con artist/drifter/killer than your typical chubby clown child molester. Guess you can't judge a book by it's cover after all, huh?

Lulu, the best ones are.

Splotchy, there's always more icky to go around. And I'll be there to pass it out.

Dr. MVM...you HATE clowns? Good lord, why?

Dale said...

As long as he's not swelling in the shot when he answers the door. Bubs protect us.

Beth said...

Ick. I need a shower.