Friday, July 06, 2007

Summertime, and the huffing is easy


Internet media mogul Grant Miller recently posted a helpful tip for boozehounds trying to beat the heat. Mr. Miller suggested that huffing might be a better option:

Avoid drinking alcohol when temperatures get hot since the heat makes you sweat and quickly lose your buzz. Grant Miller Media recommends huffing an old t-shirt drenched in gasoline or paint thinner instead.
Provocative? Irresponsible? Well, the boldest ideas often seem that way. But, here's the thing. Mr. Miller isn't far out of the mainstream on this. He is merely putting into words generations of trailer park folk wisdom. Which, in this writer's humble opinion, is long overdue.

Consider Patrick Tribett, arrested in July 2005 for huffing spray paint. Buckeyes know how to beat the heat. Tribett, the interweb's most famous huffer, is pictured above.

It gets damnably hot in Waco, Texas. That's why R&B personality Tony Thompson liked huffing freon instead of swilling Lone Star beer. Unfortunately, it killed him.

Don't drink and drive. Huff and drive. It gets so steamy in Palm Bay, Florida, that 18 year old Tara Corey had no other choice.

My extensive research failed to uncover any links between huffing and exotic reptile ownership, and as of this time there does not appear to be any huffing/alligator nexus. Which is a relief.

18 comments:

Barbara Bruederlin said...

That's a good look! I may have to take up huffing as I have always wanted a more colourful complexion.

And it sounds so refreshing.

Grant Miller said...

If you Google image Search "huffing," that dude's picture comes up about 100 times.

Bubs said...

Grant Miller, I'd love to see a "where are they now" feature on Mr. Tribett. He has become the poster boy. He's breaking down the stereotype that huffing is only for ill-informed teens looking for a kick; it's for middle aged men too!

Barbara, just don't use green paint or you'll end up looking vaguely Seussian.

Johnny Yen said...

I had to click on the picture and enlarge it just to make sure it wasn't my increasingly-poor eyesight failing me.

At least he chose an interesting color.

With all the great-- and, importantly, legal, not to mention relatively safer-- options for altering one's consciousness (beer, wine, tequila, scotch, bourbon, whatever those things I was drinking at the Tiki Terrace were....), it's hard to believe someone would suck on a can of spray paint.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Holy shit, that was funny. Thanks.

Bubs said...

Dr. MVM, thank you! I've been lurking around your blog lately and coming from you that's quite a compliment.

Johnny, I wish I could remember what you were drinking...was it the Suffering Bastard or a Fog Cutter?

Splotchy said...

This was one of my favorite things I ever saw on The Smoking Gun.

For some reason, this picture always makes me think of the glamor of Hollywood.

kim said...

That just pulled me out of my depressed CNN induced stupor....thanks Bubsy, you are the greatest.

Johnny Yen said...

I don't think it was either one of those. I suggest a little field research to find out what it was.

BeckEye said...

Ah, takes me back to junior high wood shop, where all the burn-outs made wobbly shelves in between paint-thinner huffing sessions.

lulu said...

If you guys are going back to Tiki Terrace I want to come too!

Danny Tagalog said...

I love the word 'boozehound": never heard it before but will put it to active use!

Bubs said...

Danny, glad you like it. It's one of my favorite words, and one that hopefully won't get used to describe me too often.

Lulu, we gots to get together! Soon!!

Beckeye, indeed. I remember all my friends who were model airplane enthusiasts...but made crappy, poorly built models for the same reason.

Johnny, good idea.

Kim, glad I could help. I read what you wrote about your day of TV viewing. Whew.

Splotchy, that's because Tribett looks like the actor who played "Hunter" Fred Dryer.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I just love that picture. He's not even remotely contrite or sorry. You are the man for posting it.

Dale said...

My favourite huffer of all time is Laura Dern in "Citizen Ruth". One of her lines was if I could just stop the huffin' may have caused me to fall in love. Or go to rehab.

jewgirl said...

that is so funny! and they say white trash makes no positive contribution to society. pee-shaw.

Bubs said...

JG, really! That's why we value diversity here at the compound.

Dale, CITIZEN RUTH! Wow, I'd forgotten about that--that was one of our favorite movies when it came out. Thank you!

Dr. MVM, he has a look that says, "HEY CAN WE JUST TAKE THE GODDAMN MUG SHOT SO I CAN GET BACK TO MY SPRAY CAN?"

Splotchy said...

You mean it *wasn't* Fred Dryer?