Sunday, April 06, 2008

For those about to blog...


WE SALUTE YOU!

That Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein is a sick simian bastard. But we love him.

I got home on Saturday from the last day of the ILEETA conference and found this in the mail. What a card.

We've never won, or even attempted to win, a vintage postcard from the Doctor. And still, this masterpiece arrived, unsolicited, at our front door. Amazing...

_____________________

I woke up this morning feeling about 15 years older. Why?

Well, for starters, I made the mistake of entering a 5k race on Saturday. Specifically the Flatfoot 5k, which is a fundraiser for the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund and the ILEETA scholarship fund.

I've run a lot of 5k races, so I thought "no big deal." I haven't trained much since December when I ran in Las Vegas, and have barely run at all in the last 2 months. I compounded my mistake by deciding to run with a 25 year old coworker, one of our newer officers, and I started toward the front of the pack, with a bunch of other tactical officers there for the conference. I started out way too fast. I am a doofus.

Boy, the start of the race was glorious. It was a 60 degree, sunny day. Gosh, it was beautiful. I provided some welcome comic relief to my fellow runners by declaring, about 100 yards into the race, "boy, I wish I hadn't stayed up so late last night smoking and drinking." I kept up for the first half mile or so, then started lagging back. I pushed on, chugging away. Then the wheezing and the coughing started. Then the fatigue. And the pain.

At 2 miles the body said f*ck it. I was just this side of a full-blown asthma attack. Thank God they didn't use the Champion Chip or any other timing system; I would have been forced to gut it out and actually finish the damn race.

As it was I was able to quit like a man at 2 miles, with a time of 17:50, and congratulate myself for having donated to a worthy cause. I was there to cheer on my younger and more athletic coworker as he finished in under 25 minutes.

When I got home I joined MizBubs as she started in the annual de-white trashification of our yard. We raked out the front beds, and also cleared the flower and vegetable gardens on the side of the house. We're now way ahead of where we were by this time last year. At least in the front and side yards.

The back yard is still a disaster area of dog shit and debris, highlighted by the wreckage of our beautiful screen house that we put up last year. The first harsh winter storm caught me by surprise, and the roof of the screen house was demolished by the snow. The back porch is a hillbilly jumble of turkey fryers, lawn furniture, snow shovels and propane tanks. It is a mess.

But I aim to get it cleaned up, and pronto. Anyway, I joined MizBubs, girl dynamo, in her yard work, and as a result there is not a part of my body that is not aching and fatigued this evening. At least it's a good ache.

I got a few more New Orleans bits, and then a whole lotta freaky goodness for posting this week. I leave again for Dallas on Tuesday, and then I'm off again for the rest of the week. There is so much I want to tell you about. Really.

Hope you had a good weekend.

7 comments:

Mathman6293 said...

Your yard looks so "Chicago-ish."

We have a screen house that sort of blew away last summer right after I replaced several of the frame parts. Doh.

SkylersDad said...

I performed the weekly dog-crap cha cha cha in my backyard this saturday, I feel your pain brother!!

Dale said...

How tactical of you! Nice postcard.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

"MizBubs, girl dynamo" I'd say she has to be to stay married to you my man.

Now stop blogging and get to work on that porch.

GETkristiLOVE said...

Dr. Monkey is great with the postcards, ain't he?

Too bad you didn't hack up a lung, you could have auctioned it off for a lot of money.

kim said...

I think that you just need to run with people older than you, and that will solve everything.

Our landlords finally have the backyard filled with gravel and have raked it, so we should have new pavers any day. Perhaps we will actually be able to sit in our backyard this year! Yard work is fun. Can I come over and mow your lawn?

Coaster Punchman said...

One must always have the good sense to let smoking and drinking get in the way of a good race.

I am still planning on posting the rest of your interview questions. I have to locate and scan a few more pictures which is what is holding me up. I know, God forbid I just answer the fucking questions.