Not as metal as it could be

One of my favorite events of the year is here again: the annual ILEETA training conference.

ILEETA stands for International Law Enforcement Educators & Trainers Association. ILEETA was founded several years ago by Ed Nowicki and a group of other dedicated law enforcement trainers. Simply put, it's the best organization I've ever encountered for anyone in the law enforcement community involved in training and education.

One of the cool things about the conference is the swag. While this year's haul is not as impressive as in years past (times are hard, folks) it's still pretty cool.

This year I opened my official ILEETA duffel bag and found this knife:

Pretty sweet, huh? Now, check out the box it came in:



"DARK SILENCE"! If you ask me, that's pretty f*cking metal. The only way that knife could be more metal would be if they spelled "silence" with a "y".

For those about to blog...

WE SALUTE YOU!

That Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein is a sick simian bastard. But we love him.

I got home on Saturday from the last day of the ILEETA conference and found this in the mail. What a card.

We've never won, or even attempted to win, a vintage postcard from the Doctor. And still, this masterpiece arrived, unsolicited, at our front door. Amazing...

_____________________

I woke up this morning feeling about 15 years older. Why?

Well, for starters, I made the mistake of entering a 5k race on Saturday. Specifically the Flatfoot 5k, which is a fundraiser for the National Law Enforcement Officers Memorial Fund and the ILEETA scholarship fund.

I've run a lot of 5k races, so I thought "no big deal." I haven't trained much since December when I ran in Las Vegas, and have barely run at all in the last 2 months. I compounded my mistake by deciding to run with a 25 year old coworker, one of our newer officers, and I started toward the front of the pack, with a bunch of other tactical officers there for the conference. I started out way too fast. I am a doofus.

Boy, the start of the race was glorious. It was a 60 degree, sunny day. Gosh, it was beautiful. I provided some welcome comic relief to my fellow runners by declaring, about 100 yards into the race, "boy, I wish I hadn't stayed up so late last night smoking and drinking." I kept up for the first half mile or so, then started lagging back. I pushed on, chugging away. Then the wheezing and the coughing started. Then the fatigue. And the pain.

At 2 miles the body said f*ck it. I was just this side of a full-blown asthma attack. Thank God they didn't use the Champion Chip or any other timing system; I would have been forced to gut it out and actually finish the damn race.

As it was I was able to quit like a man at 2 miles, with a time of 17:50, and congratulate myself for having donated to a worthy cause. I was there to cheer on my younger and more athletic coworker as he finished in under 25 minutes.

When I got home I joined MizBubs as she started in the annual de-white trashification of our yard. We raked out the front beds, and also cleared the flower and vegetable gardens on the side of the house. We're now way ahead of where we were by this time last year. At least in the front and side yards.

The back yard is still a disaster area of dog shit and debris, highlighted by the wreckage of our beautiful screen house that we put up last year. The first harsh winter storm caught me by surprise, and the roof of the screen house was demolished by the snow. The back porch is a hillbilly jumble of turkey fryers, lawn furniture, snow shovels and propane tanks. It is a mess.

But I aim to get it cleaned up, and pronto. Anyway, I joined MizBubs, girl dynamo, in her yard work, and as a result there is not a part of my body that is not aching and fatigued this evening. At least it's a good ache.

I got a few more New Orleans bits, and then a whole lotta freaky goodness for posting this week. I leave again for Dallas on Tuesday, and then I'm off again for the rest of the week. There is so much I want to tell you about. Really.

Hope you had a good weekend.

Screw it, I guess I'll stay

When I ran to MizBubs and told her that I'd received several mocking comments after baring my heart and soul to you people, she told me I had it coming, and that my plan rated a 9.7 on the hare-brained meter.

Oh well. Guess I'll just stick around here.

My favorite law enforcement event of the year started today--the annual ILEETA conference. I spent today being certified as a Management Of Aggressive Behavior instructor. Tomorrow I'll attend some workshops, and then Thursday I'll attend an armorer's class. I refrained from doing a lot of the hands-on physical training this year.

This time last year I was high on swag. This year's haul was less impressive, with far fewer flash drives, pepper sprays and laser pointers in the goody bag. I did get a leather duffel bag, a leather briefcase/laptop carrier, and a bunch of logo polo shirts, sweatshirts and a jacket. Best of all, I got a "Don't Tase Me, Bro" tee shirt. And an NRA law enforcement logo tee shirt, which I love because it can simultaneously identify me as both a gun nut and a cop if I ever wear it out in public. I saw a tee shirt with this excellent quote, and it expresses how I feel about the job I do:

"People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf."
--George Orwell

And now, a soothing swamp picture:

I took that in a bayou off the Pearl River near Slidell, Louisiana.

I still have to tell you about my new favorite dive bar, my ecstatic experiences at Graceland and Sun Studio, our favorite roadside attraction and a few more random New Orleans stories.

Thanks for stopping by.