Tuesday, July 22, 2008

From the Sunshine State

Truly, Florida is a land of riches.

As I've said before on these pages, I seek not merely to incarcerate, but also to lift up and educate. As part of that goal, I've decided to take the occasional story that might be used in a Germany or Florida quiz, post it and discuss its story elements. This might give readers a heightened understanding of factors used to determine the origin of a Germany or Florida story.

Meet 33 year old Patrick Shane Johnson.

Johnson was arrested for committing two bank robberies in the same day.

Now, if you just take that information, you'd probably say it was a Florida story, since bank robberies are more likely to occur in Florida than in Germany. Now, let me add some information:

By the time he did the second robbery the police already had a warrant for his arrest and were looking for him. Why? Because he wrote the demand notes on the backs of checks from his personal bank account. The police ran a name check and matched the picture from his drivers license to the surveillance video from the bank.

While he fled the first robbery (at around 10 am) in an unknown car driven by another man, he used a taxi for the second job. The taxi was driven by Dan the Taxi man, who was apparently unaware of the robbery. When the police caught Johnson after the second robbery at 3:46 pm, he had to go to the hospital "complaining of a high heart rate." That high heart rate was probably from all the crack he smoked.

Remember, gun play=Florida. So does poor planning--Floridians are addled from the heat and sun, and often intoxicated on crack cocaine and Busch beer, whereas Germans are generally more efficient. If I had given the name of the police spokeswoman, Sgt. Angy Scroble, that would've totally given away the story as Florida.

Well, that's all for today. See you soon.


Anonymous said...

You could caption his mugshot, "Where's Waldo?, the Later Years."

Johnny Yen said...

People like him need to be locked up for their own safety.

I know I've mentioned a couple of times the guy who robbed the bank by the Sears on Lawrence and Damen. His getaway plan was the nearby Metra train station. He apparently didn't check the schedule, and was standing on the platform, covered in the blue dye, waiting for the train when the police got him.

lauralu said...

Patrick Johnson...that couldn't be more FL. Volker Johnson would be a German giveaway.


Bubs said...

Laura, right! Although it would've been even better if his middle name had been "Wayne".

Johnny, I remember that! A classic.

Kirby, that is so hilarious and sad for him.

FranIAm said...

Ah Florida, Florida, where it is often said "it's not the heat, its the stupidity..."

Good Lord.

Grant Miller said...

My wife - who is both German and grew up in Florida - hopes to move back there one day.

Your advice?