Melinda June posted about the hilariously-named c-lister Andy Dick and his most recent arrest. Even though she beat me to it, the story bears recounting if only because of the opportunity to display what is now my favorite celebrity mugshot:
Alcohol was involved. And, apparently, so was a little weed and some Xanax. Mr. Dick had already encountered the police earlier that evening, and was warned to leave the area or face arrest for public intoxication. Instead he decided to grab a 17 year old girl's boobs and yank her top down, exposing her. Stay classy, Mr. Dick.
We sail tonight for Singapore: Mohammed Ismail Ariffin was sentenced to 14 years in prison, and caned 18 times. Why? Because he was convicted of being a serial armpit-sniffer, victimizing 23 women ranging in age from 9 to 53. To give you an idea of how enthusiastic an armpit sniffer he was, police identified him from the DNA he left at the scene of one encounter. He also did some fondling and exposing of his private parts.
Police in West Reading, PA, encountered 38 year old John Messerly as they investigated reports of a naked man running along the road. As police encounters with naked men so often end, Messerly got some pepper spray and a tasering before he was taken into custody.
According to witnesses, Messerly was scene climbing out of the driver's window and onto the roof of a moving van shortly before it crashed. In interviews with police, Messerly denied climbing onto the roof, and said he was thrown out the window while trying to adjust some lumber that had come loose inside the van. Once he was thrown clear he removed all his clothes because "he was in shock and wanted to see if he had any internal injuries." He also mentioned that he had smoked some crack cocaine the night before and had not slept since.
Florida will not be denied! Police in Boca Raton are searching for a naked man driving around in a maroon sedan and exposing himself to girls on bicycles.
Show me state: Freddie Eugene Philpott, 52, of Washburn, Missouri, faces multiple charges from police in Arkansas and Missouri. He drove his Jeep over a curb, nearly striking several people, and stopped near a group of "special needs" students. He then offered some of the students $20 to help him move some scrap metal. An alert teacher noticed that Mr. Philpott was only wearing underwear, and called police.
In the weeks leading up to this incident, Freddie Philpott had also been arrested or reported to police for attempting to solicit children into his car, driving while intoxicated, crashing his car while driving naked, stalking a mentally handicapped neighbor, and driving naked while masturbating.
While alcohol was involved, so was mental illness, according to Phipott's attorney:
Mikesch said Philpott has a history of mental illness and has been declared a disabled and incapacitated person by the 39 th Judicial Circuit Court in Cassville, Mo. Philpott has been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, bipolar type; substance abuse; mixed personality disorder; and an additional undiagnosed psychosis, according to court documents. Philpott is also described as mildly mentally retarded with a learning disability, court documents state.
More naked driving, with rage:
38 year old Rachel Hansen of Midvale, Utah, rammed the car of a couple of guys who were out looking for a cat. She rammed their car twice, then got out of her car to argue with them. Naked. They grabbed her keys and she chased a young girl into a nearby house. Naked Rachel kicked the door in and then waited for police inside the home. Much of this event was captured on a neighbor's security camera, and you can see some fun video here.
Oh, Canada: "Ridge Meadows RCMP got a call that a naked man had stolen a pair of coveralls and a five-tonne truck from a farm in Maple Ridge and driven off..."
I won't say too much about this next story. While technically occurring within the privacy of her own home, the fact that this story contains Okies and "crimes against nature" meant that I had to include it.
This here is Diane Sue Whalen.
Think of the most mortifying situation you can think of. Say, accidentally walking in on your parents knocking boots, or your kid finding your toy box, or the most embarrassing moment from a Ben Stiller movie, and then multiply that by a bazillion.
Think about your kid, who is house sitting for you and taking care of your dogs, finding your stash of "193 CD-ROMs and DVDs, 67 VHS tapes, 12 cassette tapes, two floppy discs, two computer flash drives and one photo album" all allegedly showing Ms. Whalen getting busy with her dogs. The son, reeling from lord only knows what kind of psychic trauma at that point, and probably requiring medical treatment for painful burning eyeballs, turned the material over to the police.
You read that correctly. The dogs are now in protective custody and have been neutered to prepare them for adoption.
And, finally, this. Jeffrey Bradford, a pilot for Pinnacle Airlines, and Adriana Connor, a flight attendant for the same company, were both arrested in Pennsylvania. The couple decided to get busy in the woods on their way back to their motel. At some point during the proceedings Bradford wandered off, naked. Ms. Connor ended up sitting in a Chevy Tahoe parked at the home of the local fire chief, and when the chief investigated Connor told him there was a naked man in the woods.
Bradford was arrested after he turned up in someone's backyard requesting a pair of shorts. He was taken into custody wearing a pair of flip-flops and a wristwatch, in perfect porno style except for his lack of black gold-toe socks.
Alcohol was involved in a big way. Bradford and Connor are pictured here as they appeared in court. Note that Ms. Connor is hiding behind the brown paper evidence bag used to store prisoner property, a nice touch.