Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Weenie Waver Wednesday!

I had an interesting report cross my desk yesterday. One of our local nursing homes reported that an unknown male subject, apparently dressed as a woman in a wig and tights, came in the main entrance while the door was propped open at shift change.

The unknown cross-dresser roamed around, was challenged once or twice in different areas of the facility by employees asking what he was doing there, and eventually left the building after somehow shedding his wig. No thefts were reported, and no one knows what he was doing there. The incident occurred around 10:30 pm. It's possible that he wandered in from the nearby forest preserve and wanted to change clothes before returning home to his family, but as of right now we don't know. Something about this report bothered me, but I couldn't figure out what it was.

Was it the random and unexplained nature of the incident? Was I disturbed by the idea of an anonymous cross-dresser emerging from the forest preserve late at night to roam the halls of a nursing home? Was it the mystery of the disappearing wig?

What it was, was that the combination of forest preserve, cross-dressing and inexplicable behavior reminded me that it's been months since I did a Weenie Waver Wednesday!

First up, meet 55 year old Hoosier Larry Wayne Williamson. Police were called to investigate a man "masturbating in a public park", but once they arrived they found so much more.

They found Mr. Willaimson "sitting on a picnic table naked, masturbating, with a metal rod protruding from his penis." But wait, that's not all:
A search of Williamson's vehicle, located in the park, uncovered sex toys, binoculars, a small dog, cotton candy, candy, male enhancement pills, energy pills and supplements, marijuana, drug paraphernalia and "a variety of other suspicious and unusual items," according to a Vanderburgh County Sheriff's Department news release.
There was no word on the diameter or length of the metal rod, or its special role in Mr. Williamson's fantasy life.

Moving north from Indiana to Michigan, we find the case of Swan Creek Township resident Jason Savage.

Mr. Savage, apparently an early riser, was discovered by a police officer at a local car wash at 6:45 am. The officer had been dispatched to investigate a suspicious person. When the officer arrived, he saw Savage in one of the wash bays and heard a vacuum running. As the officer approached he found Savage engaged in an act of copulation with the business end of the vacuum.

In news from the west, 32 year old Tyson Degenhart of Minden, Nevada, was arrested after exposing himself to a 17 year old girl. Degenhart was nude at the time, and riding a dirt bike. Not content with simply waving his wand at the victim, Mr. Degenhart also led police on a chase, on his dirt bike, naked, until he crashed.

Alcohol was involved. Degenhart's blood alcohol content was more than three times the legal limit. It should be noted that Degenhart was listed as a resident of "Johnson Lane".

A recent post at Second City Cop addresses the issue, and there are some entertaining comments. I especially liked this one:
F*cking clowns. You know, back when coyotes were a problem, the various states and counties paid a bounty for each pelt you brought it.

Tell me why that wouldn't work on clowns.
Urban myth or no, constant vigilance remains the best policy.


lauralu said...

HI bubs,

thanks for the update. also note that there is a clown conf going on in Mexico...,0,723918.photogallery

Mnmom said...

Roaming clowns - any of them riding alligators?

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

I'm putting the blinds down when I wave MY weenie, from now on. Who KNOWS who's watchin'??

Some Guy said...

I'm so proud a Michigan boy made the list this week!

Anonymous said...

The candy and small dog in Mr. Heavy Metal's van is ultra skeevy. He probably used that stuff to go after kids.

Randal Graves said...

Man, McCain voters are crazy!

Anonymous said...

If kirby is proud of her vacuuming Michigander (?), I guess I'd better be proud of the metal rodded Hoosier.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I am happy beyond words that you brought us this post. Yay Weenine Wavers who get caught!

Dale said...

No Canadians on the list this time? Clearly, I'm not trying hard enough.

Johnny Yen said...

OMG, I've been mentally working on a post about the "Homey the Clown" fiasco here in Chicago, which took place around the time I first became a teacher. I'd thought it clearly a case of adult hysteria, but I may need to reexamine it.

Bubs said...

Johnny, some time when I was a new detective (92-94) we had a report at a local grammar school of a van trying to lure kids. I interviewed 4 or 5 children, none of whom, it turned out, actually saw this alleged van. It was a FOAF (friend of a friend) story, eagerly picked up and expanded on by adults.

Dale, thanks anyway for the effort.

Dr MVM, remarkably there were no clergy from Tennessee on this list.

Dcup, I try not to think much about that metal rod. Please don't mention it again.

Randal, how could you tell all these guys were self-described libertarians?

Kirby, I know! Makes you wonder what the other "suspicious and unusual items" were that they didn't name, doesn't it?

SG, interesting, Michigan isn't usually represented.

Cap'n, see that you do. I had to talk to a guy a couple weeks ago who was doing that in his front window.

MnMom, these are mythical clowns, thank God. They only appear to friends of friends. No alligators involved. This time.

Hey Laura! Check your email!

dguzman said...

I'm so disappointed; no one from Texas or Penna (*snicker*) made the grade. There's always next week, I guess!

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