Friday, January 02, 2009

Finally...

Wednesday afternoon, New Year's Eve, brought another envelope in the mailbox.
"If you're not busy, stop by and ring in the New Year with us. We have a new fondue recipe, and we plan on toasting the New Year with Sahara Highballs and Andre Cold Duck. We'd love it if you could join us.

It's been a non-stop party over here since Christmas. We put a couple more Polaroids in the envelope so you could see what you've been missing."
And there they were. More Polaroids:


We kept the blinds down and the lights off on the side of the house facing the neighbors that night. I nursed my nagging cold with champagne and stuffed mushrooms that my bride thoughtfully prepared for me. We huddled together and watched Death Race, Blades of Glory and What Happens In Vegas, all the while nervous that the neighbors might knock on the door looking for us if they saw the flickering blue light of the TV set through the blinds. Fortunately, we were left alone and greeted the new year in a subdued but comfortable fashion.

We saw no sign of them on New Year's Day.

This morning my bride returned to work, and I took the girls for chicken and waffles at Kitsch'n after I got a haircut
. When we got home a realtor was hammering a "for sale" sign into the neighbor's front yard. The house was obviously and suddenly vacant. There were a few black plastic trash bags by the back porch, waiting to be carried out to the curb. I noticed a couple pieces of paper blowing across my driveway; on closer examination they were nothing but unused Polaroid backing papers.


Our long holiday season nightmare was over.

19 comments:

SkylersDad said...

Bubs, this has been one of my favorite series of all time!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

You broke their hearts, obviously. They are off to greener pastures.

Freida of the Bees said...

Boy, that Santa really gets around!

Dale said...

Death Race is sort of what these Polaroid happy folks are in isn't it? I actually enjoyed the movie against my expectations although Joan Allen was pretty tough to buy. When I saw Blades of Glory, I thought it would be far too stupid and thankfully, it was which of course delighted me. I haven't seen the Vegas one though.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

I'm hoping against hope that they buy a place near us.

Mob said...

Well thank God that's over!

I've seen none of the movies you guys watched today, though I want to see the first two.

On the other hand, I would gladly accept elective surgery before I'll ever sit through another Ashton Kutcher vehicle that isn't The Butterfly Effect, which I'm convinced was a fluke.

DCup said...

Wahhhhhh! Homesick! Homesick! Homesick!

And what is that Santa doing? The very idea....

Cormac Brown said...

That Roscoe Kitsch'n has quite a menu! I can't live in Illini-ville, I'd weigh a thousand pounds and wind up on every other episode of Springer.

Distributorcap said...

you know - i need to get down your way for holidays -- there is so much more fun there

Randal Graves said...

What Happens in the Sprawling Ramshackle Compound...

paul d brazill said...

Great soap!

kirby said...

So Bobby Peru and Perdita Durango have taken off for greener pastures. At least you can work in the yard this spring without having to constantly look over your shoulder.

GETkristiLOVE said...

That truly is some Ho Ho Ho.

Happy belated HOlidays Bubs!

Danny Tagalog said...

I agree with GETkritiLOVE - really great stuff.

Think they should return in some form though;)

bubbles said...

I've got a neighbor or two that I would like to see move out in the middle of the night! Congrats.
Great series!!

Cap'n Ergo "XL" Jinglebollocks said...

Ummm...

Melinda June said...

Bummer. I was looking forward to barbecue season.

AnnArtisan said...

This shit could only happen to you, Joe.

I'm equal parts mortified/astounded and "sonofabitch, why couldn't that happen to ME" so as to add to my meager autobiography/New York Times Bestseller.

Speaking of which, when will we see it? It's in you, Joe. Just do it.

Mags/Deb

disa said...

I love it ! Very creative ! That's actually really cool Thanks.