Thursday, August 20, 2009

CHICAGO ON BRINK OF GATOR PANIC

Early reports indicated a small alligator was spotted in the Chicago River near Damen and Fullerton.

Now a headline reads Pet iguana found in Chicago River, but when you click on that link you get this:

Reptile spotted in Chicago River

| 3 Comments | UPDATED STORY

The Chicago Police Marine Unit was called to a report of a three-foot-long reptile along the Chicago River this afternoon, but by the time they responded it was gone, police said.

The animal, which various unconfirmed reports identified as an alligator or iguana, was spotted at about 1:30 p.m. sitting on a rock under a bridge near where Fullerton Avenue crosses the river, police said.

A worker from the Chicago Commission on Animal Care and Control was called to the scene. The reptile has not been found, police said.
Excuse me, "reptile"!?

I smell a cover-up. The authorities think we can't handle the truth. I think it's pretty obvious that more than one crackhead has lost track of his guard alligator, or dumped him into the river just ahead of the police.

The Chicago River is obviously on the brink of being overrun by alligators. Remember, only last year a scrappy little scout gator was pulled out of the Bubbly Creek section of the Chicago River.

We live in dangerous times my friends. CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

7 comments:

Wren said...

Good catch, Bubs. I've been wondering about your alligator problem out there. The answer, though, is to take a bag of raw steaks out with you when you go fishing. 'Gators love them some steaks.

Bubs said...

Wren, that's a good idea. I've been using raw chickens, and they get kind of smelly

Megan said...

Constant vigilance!!!

Cormac Brown said...

That was no ordinary gator, that was Rex Grossman.

Naturally, he was intercepted.

Bubs said...

Cormac--HAHAHAHAHAHA...you're killing me. You playing this room all week?

Johnny Yen said...

Good to see you continuing your groundbreaking work in Narcozoology. These gator bastards must be nipped in the bud.

Randal Graves said...

I think we should start training gators to eat zombies.