We got done and walked back. As we turned the corner and could see the front of our house, I saw what I thought were two fat gypsy women approaching my front door. My heart started beating faster again as I looked around for a vehicle, but I didn't see one. What the f*ck are they doing at my house, I thought--does our house look so run down and unkempt that it looks like a feeble old person who'd make a good target for a gypsy scam lives there?
I told the eldest to slow up, but before I could figure out how to approach, the suspects walked off my front porch and toward the neighbor's house. I got a better look and saw that they weren't gypsies after all.
Aha, I told my daughter, they're not scam artists, they're bible thumpers going door to door. Nothing to fear. We still went in through the back door so we wouldn't have to deal with them if they saw us from the neighbor's front porch.
I found that they'd left a pamphlet for our spiritual uplift, which was thoughtful of them. To tell you the truth, I haven't even read the pamphlet yet because I've been so fascinated by the picture on its cover:
Where do I start with this? My first question was, is this meant to look like a formal family portrait, or just a snapshot taken by a kind stranger on a family outing in the park? Is the essence of the happy family conveyed by their whiteness and one son/one daughter perfection? Are pleated khaki trousers and a moderately short, but not so short it's intimidating haircut essential to being a good dad?
The family does look happy, no doubt about that. And why wouldn't they be happy--they have an enormous macaw! An enormous macaw that looks poised to crap all over mom's head. And let me tell you something--a bird that size produces some truly impressive droppings.
Maybe the bird is empty and mom's not worried. I'm still somewhat concerned by the use of a large bird to symbolize happiness. The bird is even blue--the blue bird of happiness? I don't know. What I do know is that when I see someone holding a bird like this I think someone's about to get bitten, hard, in the face. We have experience with this.
Junior is clearly pleased, excited and fascinated by the macaw. Mom is smiling the smile of the medicated and is either looking blankly (but pleasantly) at junior, or thinking of undoing dad's belt with her teeth. I'm not sure. The dogs appear oblivious to the presence of the bird, which I'm telling you, as the owner of small dogs, is not likely. The dog in the center of the frame looks off into the middle distance, somewhere past the girl. The girl seems pleased to be in charge of the dogs. The little dog in the right corner stares straight at the camera. I can't read that dog's expression. He's inscrutable.
None of the people in this picture appear to be interacting with any of the other people around them: dad's looking at the bird, junior's looking at the bird, or at some point vaguely between the bird and dad's face, mom--well, I mentioned her already--and the girl has the dogs.
Maybe a happy family is a symmetrical family. You get the whole nuclear family and their prop animals and set them up in a balanced way, and from that balance comes harmony, and from the harmony, happiness:
Left, looking right:
Dad
Junior
Dog #1
Right, looking left:
Macaw
Mom
Daughter
Looking straight at the camera:
Dog #2
Maybe I should actually read the pamphlet and see what this is all about. Well, I hope y'all enjoy your own family life, or at least enjoy your weekend.
The family does look happy, no doubt about that. And why wouldn't they be happy--they have an enormous macaw! An enormous macaw that looks poised to crap all over mom's head. And let me tell you something--a bird that size produces some truly impressive droppings.
Maybe the bird is empty and mom's not worried. I'm still somewhat concerned by the use of a large bird to symbolize happiness. The bird is even blue--the blue bird of happiness? I don't know. What I do know is that when I see someone holding a bird like this I think someone's about to get bitten, hard, in the face. We have experience with this.
Junior is clearly pleased, excited and fascinated by the macaw. Mom is smiling the smile of the medicated and is either looking blankly (but pleasantly) at junior, or thinking of undoing dad's belt with her teeth. I'm not sure. The dogs appear oblivious to the presence of the bird, which I'm telling you, as the owner of small dogs, is not likely. The dog in the center of the frame looks off into the middle distance, somewhere past the girl. The girl seems pleased to be in charge of the dogs. The little dog in the right corner stares straight at the camera. I can't read that dog's expression. He's inscrutable.
None of the people in this picture appear to be interacting with any of the other people around them: dad's looking at the bird, junior's looking at the bird, or at some point vaguely between the bird and dad's face, mom--well, I mentioned her already--and the girl has the dogs.
Maybe a happy family is a symmetrical family. You get the whole nuclear family and their prop animals and set them up in a balanced way, and from that balance comes harmony, and from the harmony, happiness:
Left, looking right:
Dad
Junior
Dog #1
Right, looking left:
Macaw
Mom
Daughter
Looking straight at the camera:
Dog #2
Maybe I should actually read the pamphlet and see what this is all about. Well, I hope y'all enjoy your own family life, or at least enjoy your weekend.
