Friday, June 15, 2007

Keep your eyes on the road and your hands upon the wheel

Southside bureau chief Dena alerted me to this.

Police in Culpeper, Virginia arrested 33 year old Joyce Ann Herbert after she crashed a U-Haul truck into a house. While she was naked. It's unknown why Ms. Herbert was naked, but she had recently been released from Culpeper regional hospital that morning.

Alert readers will remember the story of Mr. Stephen Brewer, who was arrested by Damascus, Viriginia police after leaving his truck and running naked through the streets.

Timid scientists would be hesitant to pronounce a trend or pattern based on two incidents occurring 7 months and 282 miles apart, but as I've stated before, narcozoology is a fearless and expansive new science, so I'll state boldly and with conviction that this is, in fact, a pattern.

From now on Virginia will no longer be known as the "Old Dominion State"; instead we will refer to it as the "Driving Naked State."


Oh. Hold on a minute.

Washington State Patrol troopers pulled over a Seattle couple. They were naked. Alcohol was involved. The man was charged with drunken driving and one I've never heard of before, "embracing while driving." The woman was charged with possession of alcohol by a minor.

I see now that more research is needed.


Johnny Yen said...

Do we need a new crime category-- the DWN-- Driving While Naked?

Joe said...

Johnny, we just might. I'm writing up the grant proposal first thing Monday.

Biby, thanks for stopping by! I might have an opening for Indian subcontinent bureau chief, you interested?

Cup said...

Back in high school, there was a nearby liquor store with a drive-thru. Drinking age was 18 in those days ... but we were 16. And looked it. My friend Randy used to talk girls into riding naked so that the dirty ol' liquor store owner would be too jolly to ask for ID.

Splotchy said...

I think it would kinda fun to drive naked, assuming you didn't crash.

It's like streaking for the shy.

lulu said...

I need to get tenS to tell the "seatbelt and a smile" story.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

think you have opened a can of worms, Bubs, there seems to be a pile o' neked driving stories on the blogs. Who knew?

I think I might actually know that Seattle couple.

Erik Donald France said...

Is this a drunken modified form of streaking?

This form of activity seems to be spreading -- to photo shoots in Amsterdam and pro-environmental biking events in Britain. The new global rage? Who needs a monokini anyway? Maybe Paris Hilton will try this as a form of protest in jail?

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Hey Bubs! Happy Father's Day!

Katie Schwartz said...

that is so funny. bubs, you are a riot. you post the most obscure, hilar stuff.

Dino said...

as one that is living in the naked driving state - I do think this has to be further evaluated. I really do not want more people driving naked unless they have the body and faces of chippendales!

Joe said...

katy, good point. I recently found some stories about a nudist association that was trying to recruit younger members. Evidently the average age of American nudists is something like 50.

J.G. I always aim to please. And, really, you can't go wrong with stories about naked people can you?

Barbara, thanks! You think you KNOW that couple?!? Cool! Tell them I'm a big fan!

Erik, you and Katy have each reminded me of a few nude-related stories. That nekkid protesting is growing in popularity isn't it?

Splotchy, that's a good way of putting it. I like that.

Lulu and Beth, please share with me. I would love to add public-nudity-related stories to my regular fare of clowns, freaks and alligators.

Johnny, I'm coming to learn it's more common than I'd thought.