Six random things

Newly-rebirthed blogger, former Illinoisan and current Georgia peach Lisa of That's Why snuck up on me while I was busy obsessing about naked people and hit me with a tag. Here's the dealio:

The Rules

1. Link to the person who tagged you. Done right here.
2. Post the rules on your blog. Well, here they are.
3. Write six random things about yourself. Stick around, I'll get to that.
4. Tag six people at the end of your post and link to them. Hmmmm.
5. Let each person know they’ve been tagged and leave a comment on their blog.
6. Let the tagger know when your entry is up. Okie dokie.

1- I like to sidle up to family members and quietly hum irritating pop tunes or TV theme songs while they're busy doing something else, so that later on in the day they can't shake some hit by the Carpenters or the theme from I Dream of Jeanie from their head, and they don't know why.

2- I got in trouble in 1st grade for bringing a Playboy centerfold to school (circa 1968) because I thought the lady in the picture was really pretty.

3- My parents were called again later in 1st grade and asked to get me to stop telling stories about ghosts and monsters to my classmates, because I was scaring them.

4-I am almost totally indifferent to what kind of car I drive, and have in the past 17 years driven a monkey shit brown 1980 Mercury Monarch, a white 1990 Ford Festiva (I don't like white cars), and a badly rusted out 1995 Plymouth Voyager minivan. Now I drive a thoroughly functional but nondescript 2007 Hyundai Elantra, the nicest car I've ever owned.

5- I hate heights if I feel exposed. I'm great on observation decks, tall buildings and scenic overlooks, but I get nearly paralyzed if I'm on a ladder more than 15 or 20 feet off the ground. I have no idea how I did all the stuff I did during Army basic training. When I go to Great America I go on all the roller coasters, even though it genuinely terrifies me to the point I can barely open my eyes during the ride.

6-I used to make my own beer back in the early 90's, and I plan on starting up again in the next month or two.

Now this next part is tough: the tagging. I lose track of which bloggers hate being tagged, and which ones embrace it. I'm used to barging in and being an inconvenience to people in my job, so I try and minimize it here. Plus a bunch of people I might have tagged have already responded. Oh well. Let's try:

MizBubs

The eldest (who turns 20 today and is no longer a teenager!)

Jin

Splotchy

Bacon Lady

The unofficial mayor of Chicago, Johnny Yen

Post-holiday resonses to pre-holiday tags

Jin ran by and tagged me so quickly and surreptitiously that I almost didn't catch it, what with all the holiday hubbub and all.

1. Five names you go by:

a. Joe
b. Joseph
c. Bubs
d. Dad
e. Sir

2. Three things you are wearing right now:

a. Reading glasses
b. My 2008 Lincolnwood Turkey Trot long sleeve tee
c. Black Chuck Taylors

3. Two things you want very badly at the moment:

a. To weigh 20 pounds less than I do
b. To not have a painful bone spur on my foot

4. Three people who will probably fill this out:

Holiday season. No time for tagging now. Move on.

5. Two things you did last night:

a. Taught the palm-heel strike to my 4 year old niece.
b. Slept like a rock.

6. Two things you ate today:

a. Mi Xao Do Biên
b. Spring roll

7. Two people you last talked to on the phone:

a. My brother
b. Mizbubs

8. Two things you are going to do tomorrow:

a. Sleep late
b. Put up Christmas decorations

9. Two longest car rides:

a. Chicago to San Antonio--about 1200 miles, more or less
b. Chicago to New Orleans--about 950 miles, more or less

10. Two of your favorite beverages:

a. Ice water
b. Strong coffee with half and half

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Right around the same time Jin tagged me, I got hit with another one.

Tim Broderick, a really cool writer/artist who's a friend of Johnny Yen, tagged Johnny and I. Tim asked what movies we'd watch if it was just a dad's night--no mom around. You can see Mr. Yen's response here.

Depending on the time of night, and night of the week, we might just watch Metalocalypse on Adult Swim. The youngest votes for watching Eraserhead again, as soon as I replace the copy that got lost. The eldest votes for any awful exploitation movie that MizBubs wouldn't bother with. The final possibility would be to go with sentimental favorites from the girls' younger years: The Nightmare Before Christmas or Disney's Beauty and the Beast. Or Freaks.

I lack the will right now to tag others, but if you'd like to play, consider yourself tagged with either or both of these little exercises.

Enjoy your weekend!

Breaking the meme backlog

I have been a poor blog citizen these past few weeks. Not visiting your blogs, not commenting, posting lame-ass clown pictures for want of anything original to talk about. Compulsively saving news items and not posting them.

One of the results of this poor citizenship is that I am faced with a backlog of stimulating memes which I've been meaning to attend to, but have not. Until now.

Let's get started. I'll begin with the oldest tag first.

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First up is a punchy little meme from Franiam. I felt really bad about not responding to this because I just recently discovered Ms. Fran's blog and felt flattered that she had tagged me.

Rule 1) List three reasons for your blogging.

• My kids suggested it as a way to keep busy while I was recovering from a surgery.
• I am naturally blabberous.
• I like introducing people to things they might not normally encounter, and I like having the same done to me.
  

Rule 2) List the rules.

• Done
  

Rule 3) Tag three others with the thread.

• I will keep this one in the family: I tag Splotchy, Penny Pigtails and Dystopia.

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Next up is this name-based meme from Write Procrastinator. It's been rocketing around the interwebs and now it's landed here:

1. You have to post the rules before you give your answers.
   
2. You must list one fact about yourself beginning with each letter of your middle name. If you don't have a middle name, use your mother's maiden name, or your maiden name.
3. At the end of your post, tag one person for each letter of your middle name. Or don't.

S Sarcastic. When I asked for help from MizBubs, this was the first thing out of her mouth. I suggested that "swell" or "swanky" might have been a better choice, and she responded "well, yes, you would." She has a point, unfortunately, and I am more sarcastic with my family than I am out in the world. I'm working on it.

K Unfortunately cantankerous is not spelled with a K. Let's see...I like a well made knife, and I own three made by Ka-Bar.

I Interested. I'm interested in a lot of stuff--I consume a lot of news, I pick out a few books a year on topics I know nothing about, I love talking to people and hearing their stories. I'm also inquisitive, and I think it's made me a decent interviewer and interrogator at work. My kids are less thrilled with my interrogation skills.

L Loquacious. I'll talk your damn leg off.

E Egomaniacal. The very fact that I have this blog and am doing this meme is proof of that. I asked MizBubs if I should put down "eccentric" instead and she just laughed.

S OK, this time I am going to say swanky. I am pretty damn swanky when I want to be. I like to have as much swank as possible, in the form of swanky music, swanky food and swanky cocktails. And I like taking swanky vacations when possible.

I think nearly everyone I know has done this one already. But if you haven't, consider yourself tagged.

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Most recently I got a t-shirt tag from another fairly new blogpal, Mathman. Here are the rules:

1. Link back to the original post.
2. Describe two t-shirts that you own.
3. If you design your own vanity t-shirt what would it say?
4. Where would you wear your vanity t-shirt?
5. Tag three of your best blogging buds.

I'm going to go above and beyond and describe not two, but three shirts that I have, with pictures!

This is my favorite, from the Happiest Place on Earth--The Double Down Saloon in fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada:

My eldest got me this next one:

And finally, another favorite. I got a great response when I wore this one at last year's ILEETA conference:


Up until now I've never given any thought to the idea of having a vanity tee shirt. And now I can't think of anything. Sorry. Maybe a catchy slogan like "Show us your guns, America!" Or maybe a clever promotional tee shirt that says "Ask me about Narcozoology".

I think I shall tag Johnny Yen, Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein, and Samurai Frog.

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Wow. I feel like a new man, like someone who's just taken advantage of a library amnesty and returned all his overdue books. Thanks for stopping by!

I'm running out of personal information, 5 facts at a time

There are few things that people don't know about me any more. After responding to a number of memes/tags like this one I feel like there's not much more to reveal. But...when a monkey wearing a fez--especially a monkey doctor wearing a fez--makes a request, you do your damnedest to honor it.

Here goes:


1) At one time in my life I wanted to be a Civil War reenactor. I was always kind of a history geek when I was a kid, I loved acting, I lived in close proximity to historical sites back east (for a while we lived about 2 miles from where Washington crossed the Delaware) and I was 10 years old before I found out the south lost the Civil War. I used to see reenactments and think how cool it would be to do that on weekends. Now, in some goofy way, I suspect that my participation in my department's honor guard might be some kind of compensation for never having done this.

2) For a short period of time I had nearly shoulder-length hair.

3) I partied with Cindy Crawford in her underwear.

Well, really, I saw her in Sears maternity underwear when I was a photographer's assistant and she was in the early stages of her modeling career. I worked for a studio that did catalog work for Sears. For a while I had a Polaroid of her in that outfit (we shot on large format cameras, and took a Polaroid to check exposure and lighting) but one of the merch boys glommed it.

4) I act like sentimental idiot when I'm talking to my dogs, and like to hold scraps of food in my mouth and let them take it.

5) I convinced my youngest daughter that she would be carried off and raised by badgers if she misbehaved. She believed this until she was about 4 years old, when MizBubs took her to Brookfield Zoo and she saw real badgers for the first time.

I tag anyone who feels like doing this, because I've learned that some folks are irritated by being tagged, but I can't remember who they are and I don't want to risk pissing them off. Me, I don't mind being tagged because I'm a blowhard.

Seven Facts

Facts are simple and facts are straight
Facts are lazy and facts are late
Facts all come with points of view
Facts don't do what I want them to

-Talking Heads, "Crosseyed and Painless"

I recently got tagged by Samurai Frog, and ordered to reveal seven facts about myself. A similar meme-like object circulated through blogworld back in July; since those big 8-fact Facty McMansions didn't move, they've now been reduced to more manageable 7-fact duplexes.

At times I find facts to be very much overrated, but for now I'll let that go and just, uh, stick to the facts:

1) I frequently plan trips that I will probably never take, sometimes in great detail. At least now that we have an interwebs connection, MizBubs no longer has to hear the words she used to dread: "I've sent for some brochures." I used to have a file cabinet full of travel-related maps, catalogs and brochures.

2) I recently dropped my plan to attend graduate school and get an MBA. I'll take sanity instead. I initially postponed my entry (I was scheduled to start classes the week after my friend died) but now, thinking through things more clearly, I've decided that I really don't want to go back to school. Really, most of the time, other than being around MizBubs, the girls and my friends, I'd rather not do much of anything at all.

3) I love camping, canoeing and hiking, but I only went camping once in all of 2007. I need to get out more, because those are all things that make me truly happy, and they've been missing from my life for the past year or so.

4) I own six guns and will probably buy some more in the next few years.

5) I've taken swing dancing lessons twice with MizBubs, and want to take some more. I've gotten rusty, and I was never slick in the first place.

6) One thing that's kept me out of trouble all these years is my firm belief that if I ever do anything wrong, I will be caught. When I was in 8th grade we lived close to the Delaware river, and my parents forbade me from fishing along its banks. I had to fish in the canal or at a local pond. A friend of mine, an avid fisherman, fished in the river and was always trying to get me to go with him. One day, my mom, dad and brothers took off to go somewhere for the day. Once they left, I called my friend and we headed down to the river, where we spent most of the day fishing. After several hours, we climbed up the riverbank, back to the edge of River Road. Just as we emerged from the trees and prepared to cross, my family drove by. I had one of those frozen-in-time moments, where the car seemed to slow down as all its occupants turned in unison to stare at me. The day did not end well for me, and I've stayed out of trouble since.

7) I'd like to take cooking classes for fun. I don't think MizBubs knows this about me.


Now for the passive-aggressive tagging part, where I inflict this on others whether they like it or not.

You're it:

MizBubs
Splotchy
Dale
Kirby, of I Make No Promises
Mr. Write Procrastinator
Beckeye
Evil Dictator

And anyone else who'd like to share. Knowledge is power!

A B C

I've been tagged by both Katie Schwartz and Johnny Yen, and if it's rude to ignore a tag, how rude would it be to ignore two? I had no choice but to comply:

A- Available or Single?

-Available nearly 24 hours a day, 7 days a week--but only to MizBubs.

B- Best Friend?

-I've got a few good friends, but I've been unbelievably lucky to marry my best friend. Sounds hokey, doesn't it? But it's true.

C- Cake or Pie?

-PIE! Sweet potato pie, pecan pie, lemon chess pie, strawberry rhubarb pie, apple pie...I could go on about pie like Forrest Gump about shrimp.

D- Drink of Choice?

-Water, lots of it. Followed closely by strong coffee, bourbon, sweet tea and nearly anything served in a festive tiki mug.

E- Essential Item?

-A gun and a smile.

F- Favorite Color?

-Black

G- Gummi Bears or worms?

-Probably the worms, if they're the really tart/sour kind.

H- Hometown?

-Louisville, Kentucky. I miss the south, and I can't wait to move somewhere below the Mason- Dixon line in the next few years.

I- Indulgence?

-My entire life is one long indulgence. I can't even begin to list them.

J- January or February?

-January, I get to rest up from the holidays, it's a new year and I have a whole new crop of vacation days to use.

K- Kids?

-Two daughters, both fine young women. I spend my time alternating between pride at how wonderful they've grown to be, and sadness that they increasingly have very full lives away from their parents, thank you.

L- Life is incomplete without?

-Adventures and bold failures.

M- Marriage date?

-June 21, the summer solstice.

N- Number of siblings?

-Two brothers. I am the oldest.

O- Oranges or apples?

-Apples. You can bake them in a pie, and one of the best smells in the world is apples frying in butter with some bourbon and cinnamon.

P- Phobias/fears?

-Heights and falling, which is why I force myself to go on roller coasters.

Q- Favorite Quote?

”Only a country as mad as ours could be such a roaring success.”

-Norman Mailer, “Tough Guys Don't Dance”

R- Reasons to smile?

-Getting over on the Man.

S- Season?

-Summertime, and the living is easy.

T- Tag 3 people

-Miz Bubs, and anyone else with time to kill.

U- Unknown fact about me

-I am an art school dropout.

V- Vegetable you hate?

-None I can think of. Canned wax beans might come close.

W- Worst habit?

-Anger, procrastination, lack of follow-through, gluttony, sloth, profligacy.

X- X-rays you've had?

-Do MRI's and other imaging count? Dental, leg (broken fibula), hand (fractured 5^th metacarpal), knees, and abdomen.

Y- Your favorite foods?

-Biscuits and sausage gravy, gumbo, pie, barbecue (PORK, not beef!), raw oysters, any hand- rolled sushi, damn near any kind of pasta, noodle or dumpling, whether it's Italian or Asian, anything soaked in butter, fried, heavily seasoned with garlic or bacon.

Z- Zodiac?

-Read the book, haven't seen the movie. I heard it's good.