Monday, April 23, 2007

Monday: Time to face that porn addiction


Monday, the start of a new week. Back to the grind of work and school, hopefully after a good weekend spent with family. If you're lucky the religious services you attended were particularly comforting or inspiring, and you want to carry that Sunday morning feeling into your regular life.

So, really, there's no better time to face that porn addiction. And according to this story, there's a religious institution in "rural central Kentucky" to help you with that. No TV. No computers. Just plenty of prayer and support to help "porn addicts spend six months on a desperate path to salvation."

While many of you know me as the nation's leading expert on narcozoology, I also have more than a passing interest in the religion/porn nexus. I guess I'm a little suspect of Kristians (using the term coined by Coaster Punchman) who, driven by their faith, appear more interested in regulating sexual behavior than in, say, feeding the hungry, or clothing the poor, or just plain old preaching the Gospel--the things that are commonly known as Works of Mercy.

The organization referenced in the article is known as Pure Life Ministries. Go and take a look around; you'll find articles like The Insanity of Sexual Sin and ads for books like Intoxicated With Babylon (Rip the mask off the harlot's face!!!)

What I'm really interested in, though, is the Live-In Program:

"Each man is assigned a personal counselor who has overcome habitual sexual sin himself and is trained in biblical counseling. The weekly curriculum is a combination of PLM materials and biblical homework/study."

Perfect. You stumble into this institution desperate to overcome your sins, and you get assigned to a recovered chronic masturbator, who's now a "counselor," wielding a Bible. I imagine a scene similar to the one in the new Casino Royale where James Bond is tied, naked, to a bottomless chair and then whipped in the johnson with a wet rope. Only in this version the guy doing the whipping has a Kentucky accent and is yelling "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU" at the hapless jerkoff artist strapped in the chair.

What do you think the scene is like when you put a bunch of "sex addicts" together and throw in a load of Bible reading and laying-on of hands? How many people in that environment are pretty much getting off on discussing their sex lives with others?

The mind reels.

13 comments:

Johnny Yen said...

You know, I'd have to say that that experience just might put me off to porn or anything at all sexual, especially if the guys I'm talking to look like the cast of Deliverance.

justacoolcat said...

Like there's any other way someone will visit Kentucky for 6 months.

Splotchy said...

Y'know, they'd prolly sell more copies of that Intoxicated With Babylon book if the woman on the cover showed her boobies.

Just sayin'.

Grant Miller said...

Sounds like the start to the world's holiest circle jerk.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Woowee, where do I sign up?

Danny Tagalog said...

Ho ho ho! Those Christians really do have their priorities spot on - maybe you should join the Westborough Baptist Church and get them screwed on tight

http://adamcurtistrap.blogspot.com/2007/04/louis-theroux-most-hated-family-in.html

That's a great documentary. Have a look - Louis is a good docu-maker

Dino aka Katy said...

I am so glad that they have that covered I mean we fed all the hungry and clothed all the poor and healed all the sick right?!

Coaster Punchman said...

I don't know about the rest of you, but I'm all hot & bothered now. I might need some alone time.

Bubs said...

CP, let's rent us a Winnebago, we'll stop by Stuckey's and all go on a road trip to Kentucky! Yeeee HAW!

Katy, indeed.

Danny, thanks for the tip!

Barbara, sorry but the live-in program is dudes-only. They have a special program geared toward women who are struggling with their mens' filthy urges:
http://purelifeministries.org/Counseling/Wives/wives.htm

GM, well put. Rubbin' one out for the Lord.

Splotchy, everything sells better with boobies.

Coolcat, how's this for a slogan:

"Kentucky: Come for the moonshine and horse racing, stay for the bible-based masturbation cure."

Johnny, you know you're in trouble when your assigned counselor says "you got a real purty mouth..."

Beth said...

I think I know that pornster in the photo ...

Bubs said...

Beth, you serious? I think that pic is from a short movie called "Missionary Positions" about the people who do the porn and pancakes breakfast, "Triple X Church"
http://xxxchurch.com/07/

"jew" "girl" said...

this is fucking tits! I love it. omg, it's so fabulous.

those bibles must be dripping in dried splooge from many a circle jerk.

too perfect!

Barbara Bruederlin said...

"Kentucky: Come for the moonshine and horse racing, stay for the bible-based masturbation cure."

You have just provided me with today's quote - thank you!