Ash Wednesday

witness

intransitive verb

1: to bear witness : testify
2: to bear witness to one's religious convictions witness for Christ — Billy Graham>

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Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the season of Lent, a time of repentance leading to Easter. A lot of us associate Lent with the idea of giving something up, of sacrificing something. Typically things like booze, chocolate, gambling, porn...you get the idea. Growing up I never had much of an understanding of its meaning beyond that most basic idea of sacrificing something you enjoyed. From what I've read recently, I have a better understanding (I think) of Lent as a time not only of sacrifice, but of a greater commitment to prayer and good works. A time of preparing and trying to make myself more open to receive God’s love.

Please forgive my poor attempts to talk about theology here. I really don't have the knowledge or language for it. As I mention occasionally, I have struggled for years with my faith, my lack of faith, and my relationship with God. I just wanted to set the stage for what I wanted to talk about.

Ash Wednesday this year found us in New Orleans, and we ended up spending much of the day talking about faith and religious observation. We received our ashes in a Catholic church for the first time in years. The church we wandered into was Immaculate Conception on Baronne Street. We read the message from the pastor and were impressed in that it stressed doing something positive for Lent instead of just giving up something. In other words, I shouldn't just give up bourbon for the next 40 days--I need to take that booze money and donate it to a worthy cause. Stuff like that.

Now here's what struck both of us. The Gospel reading was from Matthew, Chapter 6:

1

¹ "(But) take care not to perform righteous deeds in order that people may see them; otherwise, you will have no recompense from your heavenly Father.

2

When you give alms, do not blow a trumpet before you, as the hypocrites ² do in the synagogues and in the streets to win the praise of others. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.

3

But when you give alms, do not let your left hand know what your right is doing,

4

so that your almsgiving may be secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

5

"When you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, who love to stand and pray in the synagogues and on street corners so that others may see them. Amen, I say to you, they have received their reward.

6

But when you pray, go to your inner room, close the door, and pray to your Father in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will repay you.

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I italicized a couple of those lines for a reason.

We were not prepared on Mardi Gras for the large numbers of self-identified Christians who flooded the French Quarter. When I say self-identified I don't mean that I could tell they were Christians by their conduct, good works or preaching. I mean self-identified because they wore matching tee shirts with "JESUS" emblazoned on them, or crosses, or words like "FEAR GOD HATE SIN"...or I recognized them once I got close enough to hear them screaming. Not preaching, screaming.

I turned to MizBubs at one point and asked her what kind of faith could drive someone to this kind of behavior? We saw several different groups. The largest group was in Jackson Square, decked out in matching blue tee shirts:



They had a band set up on the steps of the Presbytere that was playing some moderately upbeat contemporary worship music. They were not yelling at anyone. We paused to check them out and MizBubs asked me what I noticed. I was stumped.

"They're all men. There's not a single woman with them."

Now, to their credit, I didn't see them confronting people on Bourbon Street or getting in anyone's face. I think that maybe what they were doing was bearing some type of relatively quiet witness to the debauchery going on everywhere else in the French Quarter that night.

The next group we saw was right in the middle of the crowd on Bourbon Street:

Obviously they had to work harder to get noticed, what with nearly everyone around them being drunk or obsessed with catching a glimpse of some naked lady breasts or both. In addition to displaying a big "TRUST JESUS" sign and a helpful list of sins for which we'll be judged, they were engaging in a fair amount of screaming.

Angry, veins-throbbing-in-the-neck screaming. Like the group in Jackson Square, it was an all-male revue. Maybe they felt that they could not expose their women folk to this volume of sin. Because of where they were, they were a magnet for every loudmouth drunk and party girl who felt like taunting them. It was a strange spectacle.

Now let's assume that these are genuine people of faith, and not merely people seeking attention, or appearing in public for their own aggrandizement. Maybe back home they lead everyday lives full of quiet prayer, modesty and works of charity. What would make them think that they were doing anything Godly by planting themselves right in the middle of Bourbon street and becoming part of the freakshow? By wading in there with those crazy signs they just became one more part of the carnival sideshow. Did they, on some level, savor the abuse they got from passersby, and feel like they were suffering for the Lord? Did they believe they were fighting the good fight and bearing witness? I don't know.

MizBubs mentioned that she thought a few of them might be making extensive use of the in-room porn at their motel rooms later that night, or otherwise pleasuring themselves to their adrenaline-charged Bourbon Street memories...

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I saved the worst for last.

On Ash Wednesday we strolled over to Jackson Square and got there just as the noon mass was letting out. There were hundreds of people coming out of church, and the priests were standing outside greeting the parishioners as they left. There were the usual crowds of people in Jackson Square, the fun mix of tourists, fortune tellers, artists and gutter punks all milling around.

Then we heard the screaming, and noticed the police cars.

A small group of zealots were taking turns screaming at the people leaving the cathedral. They were all wearing shirts that identified them as "Christians" (I should probably use the Coaster Punchman "Kristians" to describe these wackadoos). The first one I noticed was their videographer--yes, they had a video guy saving the memories--because at first I thought his tee shirt said "I AM A HOLY ROYAL PEST".



There was also a "REPENT OR PERISH" shirt on one of the worst screamers. The invective pouring from his lips was horrifying to witness.

It was then that we noticed something truly moving. As the different screamers would take their turn, a different parishioner would calmly step in front of them, placing themselves between the spitting rage of the bible thumper and the people leaving the church. They would stand there, silently, and absorb all that hate.





I wish I had known how to work the video function on our camera better, but that was what I got.

So, in terms of bearing witness, whose faith is deeper and more righteous? I'll go with the average Joe or Jane who takes it on him or herself to stand humbly in the face of rage directed at their church.

I know I'm not a good Christian. Anyone who's ever visited this blog knows I am a sinner, and I know I am as well. I understand that to many people of faith, things I find entertaining might be considered worldly at best, and deeply sinful at worst. I can understand being called by your faith to protest an injustice or evil. I can see that something like Mardi Gras, or the whole French Quarter for that matter, might be seen as a perfect emblem of sin, full of drunks and degenerates. I don't agree with it, but I understand it.

Here's my point.

What happened to the idea of letting people know you are Christian by your humility, by your kindness, by your treatment of others? After seeing all the proclamations of faith in the form of signs and tee shirts and yelling through megaphones, I ask myself: how is this behavior in line with what is asked of us in Matthew?

For all those dozens of men out on Bourbon Street waving signs and yelling, there were dozens of lost souls puking in doorways and passing out. There were young men and women crying by themselves after being abandoned by the friends they arrived with. For the biggest party in America, there were a lot of very sad and lonely-looking people on the fringes of that crowd. I'm sure they could have been ministered to--if that was ever the intent of all those tee shirt wearing, sign waving men.

I'm just saying.

James Dobson doesn't speak for me

I think that would be pretty obvious to anyone who's ever visited this blog. I still think it's worth saying.

Saying this, loudly and clearly, is a group of pastors led by Rev. Kirbyjon Caldwell, a pastor who led the benediction at Dubya's first inaugural. They've started a web page titled James Dobson Doesn't Speak For Me, and it's a simple, perfectly stated point by point refutation of every piece of nonsense that came out of Dobson's mouth regarding Obama's Christianity.

I just found out about this website when it was mentioned in a piece on Time magazine's website: Is Dobson's Obama Hit Backfiring?

By way of background, Dobson referred to a speech Obama made in 2006 at a Call To Renewal event, sponsored by Sojourners. Dobson accused Obama, the constitutional scholar, of having a "fruitcake interpretation" of the Constitution. He also accused Obama of "deliberately distorting the traditional understanding of the Bible to fit his own world view, his own confused theology" and "dragging biblical understanding through the gutter." Jim Wallis, the president of liberal Christian Sojourners, also responded with a good statement that you can read here.

I'll be honest. I'm a terrible Christian. I pray for a loving and forgiving God, because if you name the 7 deadly sins, I got most of them covered. "Backsliding" would be a polite way of referring to how badly I've fallen. But I do try, and believe it or not there are a few bible passages that I cling to and try to live up to. I especially love the Sermon on the Mount (ever notice how right wing fundamentalists love to refer to the blood thirstiest parts of the Old Testament but hardly ever refer to the Beatitudes?) and there's a passage from the book of Micah (6:8) that has always been a favorite since the first time I heard it:

"He has showed you, O man, what is good;
and what does the Lord require of you
but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?"

So you can imagine how pleased I was to see this referenced on the James Dobson Doesn't Speak For Me website. Here is the entire statement:

James Dobson doesn't speak for me.

He doesn't speak for me when he uses religion as a wedge to divide;

He doesn't speak for me when he speaks as the final arbiter on the meaning of the Bible;

James Dobson doesn't speak for me when he uses the beliefs of others as a line of attack;

He doesn't speak for me when he denigrates his neighbor's views when they don't line up with his;

He doesn't speak for me when he seeks to confine the values of my faith to two or three issues alone;

What does speak for me is David's psalm celebrating how good and pleasant it is when we come together in unity;

Micah speaks for me in reminding us that the Lord requires us to act justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with Him;

The prophet Isaiah speaks for me in his call for all to come and reason together and also to seek justice, encourage the oppressed and to defend the cause of the vulnerable;

The book of Nehemiah speaks for me in its example to work with our neighbors, not against them, to restore what was broken in our communities;

The book of Matthew speaks for me in saying to bless those that curse you and pray for those who persecute you;

The words of the apostle Paul speak for me in saying that words spoken and deeds done without love amount to nothing.

The apostle John speaks for me in reminding us of Jesus' command to love one another. The world will know His disciples by that love.

These words speak for me. But when James Dobson attacks Barack Obama, James Dobson doesn't speak for me.

I don't think I have anything to add to that.

Bible thumper update

Blue Earth County jail guard James Lee Sheppard, featured here after he allegedly hit an inmate with a Bible and choked him a little, has now pled guilty.

According to this story in the Mankato Free Press

"A Blue Earth County jailer who whacked an inmate with a Bible in February has pleaded guilty to fifth-degree assault, a misdemeanor.

Two gross misdemeanor charges of mistreatment of a confined person and misconduct by a public officer were dismissed in the plea agreement for 56-year-old James Lee Sheppard."

Evidently the tightly-wound Sheppard was placed on paid leave for a while after the whacking incident, and then assigned to serve court papers. While serving papers in June a homeowner challenged Sheppard and asked for identification, and Sheppard (lacking a nearby Bible) allegedly punched the man. That case is still pending an outcome.

I realize, though, that my "Bible thumper" label is not really accurate, and may be unfair to non-violent Bible thumpers. In the initial account I had pictured the jailer, full of righteous, Holy Testament-inspired wrath, using his own Bible to thump the inmate. You know, as if he carried it around with him for just such occasions.

I've since discovered that Sheppard used the inmate's Bible for the thumping. Somehow the story is not nearly as entertaining for me now. Oh well.

Monday: Time to face that porn addiction

Monday, the start of a new week. Back to the grind of work and school, hopefully after a good weekend spent with family. If you're lucky the religious services you attended were particularly comforting or inspiring, and you want to carry that Sunday morning feeling into your regular life.

So, really, there's no better time to face that porn addiction. And according to this story, there's a religious institution in "rural central Kentucky" to help you with that. No TV. No computers. Just plenty of prayer and support to help "porn addicts spend six months on a desperate path to salvation."

While many of you know me as the nation's leading expert on narcozoology, I also have more than a passing interest in the religion/porn nexus. I guess I'm a little suspect of Kristians (using the term coined by Coaster Punchman) who, driven by their faith, appear more interested in regulating sexual behavior than in, say, feeding the hungry, or clothing the poor, or just plain old preaching the Gospel--the things that are commonly known as Works of Mercy.

The organization referenced in the article is known as Pure Life Ministries. Go and take a look around; you'll find articles like The Insanity of Sexual Sin and ads for books like Intoxicated With Babylon (Rip the mask off the harlot's face!!!)

What I'm really interested in, though, is the Live-In Program:

"Each man is assigned a personal counselor who has overcome habitual sexual sin himself and is trained in biblical counseling. The weekly curriculum is a combination of PLM materials and biblical homework/study."

Perfect. You stumble into this institution desperate to overcome your sins, and you get assigned to a recovered chronic masturbator, who's now a "counselor," wielding a Bible. I imagine a scene similar to the one in the new Casino Royale where James Bond is tied, naked, to a bottomless chair and then whipped in the johnson with a wet rope. Only in this version the guy doing the whipping has a Kentucky accent and is yelling "THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELS YOU" at the hapless jerkoff artist strapped in the chair.

What do you think the scene is like when you put a bunch of "sex addicts" together and throw in a load of Bible reading and laying-on of hands? How many people in that environment are pretty much getting off on discussing their sex lives with others?

The mind reels.

Bible Thumper

Minnesota Jail Guard Suspended After Inmate Is Hit With A Bible

(AP) A jail guard has been suspended after allegedly thumping an inmate with a Bible.

James Lee Sheppard, 56, has been charged with two gross misdemeanors for allegedly swatting a Blue Earth County Jail inmate with the book, grabbing him by the throat and slamming him against steel bars on Feb. 8, according to the criminal complaint.