Wednesday, May 02, 2007

Alligators: wily, kill-crazy...and resilient


I need to adjust the alligator early-warning system here at the compound. This story has been on the wires since 8:22 pm CST on April 30, but I just found it this morning. Please accept my sincere apology for not getting this vital information to you sooner.

According to this story in the L.A. Times, Reggie the alligator has reappeared in Lake Machado. Efforts to catch Reggie in 2005 fell apart after self-described gator expert T-Bone Quinn of Louisiana referred to the team from Gatorland as "retarded." Ted Williams, leader of Team Gatorland, responded as Team Gatorland quit the project:

"I will not allow some swamp rat to walk into a situation and make comments…. I am not going to allow Gatorland to be referred to as 'retarded.' "
T-Bone's victory over Team Gatorland was short-lived. He was later arrested for violating his probation in Louisiana.

As if the incompetence and fractiousness of the so-called "experts" brought in to catch the gator wasn't discouraging enough, even worse news comes later in the article: the explosive revelation that alligators have compromised certain members of the law enforcement community!

Yeah, you heard me right. Former LAPD Officer Todd Natow, after raising Reggie to fighting size in a backyard pool, dumped him in Lake Machado. And guess what? DRUGS WERE INVOLVED!!!

Todd Natow, who left LAPD after 17 years of service (and let me tell you, that is a BIG red flag right there--a cop who "leaves" three years short of being able to collect a pension) was arrested in 2005 when police raided his house and found marijuana, alligators, piranhas and a rattlesnake.

Wake up Los Angeles! Effective law enforcement has possibly stopped the northward march of the gator army in places like New York and Massachussets. Your sunny clime and a corrupt cop have opened you up as the next logical target.

Watch the lakes...watch the lakes! And I'm going on the record as saying my services are available for a very reasonable price.

4 comments:

Mob said...

So this cop was sitting around getting high with his gator, watching TV and eating Cool Ranch Doritos, then decided to kick him out and put him in the lake?

Drugs ruin a lot of friendships, it's sad really.

Bubs said...

Mob, no kidding. I'd love to know the circumstances under which he "quit" the department 4 years before getting arrested. The gator might be relieved he didn't feed him to the piranhas.

Johnny Yen said...

Cohabitating with alligators? The shame!

Dino aka Katy said...

poor Reggie - mean police office dumped him.