Wednesday, January 23, 2008

On, Wisconsin!

Meet Ronnie A. Ballard of Madison, Wisconsin.

Evidently cheese isn't really all that binding, because Mr. Ballard was just arrested for repeatedly marking his territory by defecating in a laundry room, in people's laundry, and in footwear left in an apartment hallway.

Mr. Ballard has been charged with disorderly conduct, criminal damage to property and bail jumping. The judge also ordered him, going forward, to only defecate in toilets.


I came up with one other candidate for freak of the week, this one from northern Europe.

A Swedish doctor identified only as "Doctor Anal" won an appeal in the Stockholm county court, overturning a warning issued by the Medical Responsibility Board. That warning came after the doctor used his technique to treat an elderly woman's headaches and back pain. The woman, after undergoing three treatment sessions, described it as "an incredibly offensive encroachment." At least after the third time. The first article I found is hilariously titled "Court gives thumbs up to anal massage technique."

The man has also been fired from medical jobs in Denmark and Norway. A Norwegian health board disciplined the man for telling Swedish jokes to a group of mourning Norwegians.

Doctor Anal believes himself to be the victim of a witch hunt. Says the doctor:

"I have a personality disorder, or rather a syndrome, a form of Aspergers. Just like Bill Gates or Einstein, for example...I have made it impossible for myself within the healthcare sector because I behave childishly sometimes. I am different, but cleverer."


SkylersDad said...

The only problem with Anal massage is when you can feel both the doctors hands on your shoulders.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Oh those Swedish jokes! What an abomination!

Although the Swedish king is definitely cuter than the Norwegian king.

Dino aka Katy said...

you know I'd have to call this a tie - they are both disgusting and nuts for all I care

The Lady Who Doesn't Lunch: said...

In Mr. Ballards defense - apartment living can be pretty irritating, especially when your inconsiderate, lazy neighbors leave their laundry in the washers and dryers and shoes in the hallway for you to trip over.

Fortunately I bought a house before I snapped.

Beth said...

I need to come up with a good medical excuse for my anal-thumbing tendencies ...

Grant Miller said...

I would love to see your Google News Alert key words. How else do you find these freaks?

justacoolcat said...

Can they both get my vote?

Tenacious S said...

These people need professional help. I can't decide if it is funny or sad.

Bubs said...

Ten, in the case of Dr Anal I'd say it was hilarious. Ronnie, on the other hand...well, I've met a few people like him and he's scary as hell. In a perfect world, he'd just be put away for ever, or put down, because he's never getting better.

Coolcat, if only I'd found a third candidate I'd have put it to a vote. Duly noted.

Grant, I'm in love with Google News Alerts. And, I confess, I've begun visiting in addition to my other sources. I still feel like fark is cheating though.

Beth, all you need is a lab coat and a clipboard. Works wonders.

Lady, thanks for visiting! I know what you mean about the apartment living. I'm glad you got out before having to take it to the next level.

Katy, well...yes.

Barbara, now the gals here at the compound are off looking for pictures of the respective kings. Interesting.

Skylersdad, ouch.

Coaster Punchman said...

Not to be ageist or anything, but I wonder how old this elderly woman was that he was (fisting?)