Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Freak of the week: midweek sex & death edition

That got your attention, didn't it?

Sex:

An unnamed Japanese civil servant was suspended for three months after he was caught surfing porn in his office. More than 177,000 times in July alone. The office computer filters successfully blocked more than 30,000 attempts to access porn sites. As happens with many sexual escapades, he was discovered because of an infection--his computer was repeatedly hit with viruses. He apologized but never did explain his behavior.

Death:

On, Wisconsin!

A 15 year old girl, a 12 year old boy and their mother in Necedah, lived for two months with the decaying body of their deceased 90 year old grandmother sitting on the toilet of the home's only bathroom. Why? Because the family's self-described "bishop" told them the corpse was about to come back to life.



Police went to the house on a well-being check and spoke with the daughter, Tammy Lewis, aka Sister Mary Bernadett, who told them granny wasn't home. Tammy is pictured above. She initially refused to let the deputy in; the alert cop noticed a little something extra in the smell department, in addition to the incense and woodsmoke. Once inside she ultimately found "something piled on what appeared to be a toilet". That "something" was the remains of Magdalena Alvina Middlesworth.

The freakshow got better when Bishop Alan Bushey (pronounced Boo-Shay) arrived. The bishop informed police that he had "received signs that God would raise her from the dead with a miracle."

The 12 year old boy told police "he had considered running away because he was uncomfortable with the situation. He said Bushey told him that demons were trying to make it look as if Middlesworth wouldn't come back to life, and that if she were to be discovered he and the girl would have to go to public school and get jobs because Middlesworth paid the bills."

Surprisingly, since this was Wisconsin, there was no necrophilia or cannibalism involved. Tammy and Alan were charged with felony counts of causing mental harm to a child.

Sex:

This is possibly the best headline, ever:

Penis Pump Judge Gains Release

Former Okie judge Donald Thompson, featured here in October 2007, was released from prison recently. The article doesn't say if it was a full release and there's no way of knowing yet if this story will have a happy ending.

Death:

Kevin Jones and Matthew Gonzalez were each arrested and charged with desecrating a corpse, after they dug up the body of an 11 year old buried in 1921 and removed the skull. Why did they do this?

"They cut the jaw off of it and wrapped it in electrical tape and used it to make a bong," Houston Police Department Officer Jim Adkins said.

Check out the lively, engaged eyes on this duo:



The skull has not been recovered, and police are seeking its return.

Sex:

Some people, you just want to ask them, what the hell were you thinking? Because, really, I'd like to know. I'd like to ask that question of Mr. Thomas G. Findler, of Hamilton, New Jersey.

Mr. Findler was caught by a church custodian at 8:30 in the morning, in a nun's office, viewing pornography on the nun's computer. Investigation revealed that Findler had been creeping around the church for approximately a month, and using the computer to visit "teen and fetish" sites. Findler, 42, is single, is employed as a civilian by the NJ State Police, and lives with his father. He was charged with theft, theft of services and burglary. I could not find a mug shot.

Bonus round:

When Lisa Bess of Ocala, Florida, returned home, she couldn't figure out why her bathroom door was locked and water was running inside. She called the police, and when they got there and kicked in the bathroom door they discovered Tom Wilkerson.



Naked, sitting on the toilet, demanding to be allowed to "finish his business" after having let himself into the house earlier that day. Wilkerson tried to convince police that he was a friend of the family.

Two lessons here:

1) Don't leave a key to your house outside, no matter how well-concealed you think it is, and
2) Make friends with your neighbors, so when they see a burglar standing on your porch smoking, and coming and going from your house during the day, they don't assume it's your friend.
_____________________

Now it's time for a poll. Vote for this week's Freak of the Week by clicking here:





22 comments:

Splotchy said...

I'm voting for the potty man because he spoke politely about needing to finish his "business" rather than using profanity.

SkylersDad said...

What a great collection of stories! You could have used this for blog fodder for at least a week.

lauralu said...

OK I voted. the bong dudes are the Freaks IMO.

Laura.

Gifted Typist said...

There's no freak like a dumb ass freak, I always say.

Mathman6293 said...

I voted for the Wisconsin story. But what really frightens me is that in the whirl of my school year end I actually read about most of those stories. I still have too much time on my hands.

Writeprocrastinator said...

First? I was nowhere near Japan. Second? I'm not a civil servant. Third? What is it with people on toilets these past six months??? Fourth? This confirms what we've suspected about clowns all along.

Grant Miller said...

Excellent work, again. I'm partial to the Wisconsin granny.

Erik Donald France said...

That's quite a chronicle ;->

BeckEye said...

177,000 visits to porn sites a month? Psshhhh. That's nothing. That's my weekend.

vikkitikkitavi said...

Man, I thought "Dexter" was gruesome. You have definitely got a cop's sense of humor.

kirby said...

I can think of more than a few outlying family members that could have wound up under Reverend Boo-Shay's spell.

justacoolcat said...

That list has problems. I was going to comment on 'The office computer filters successfully blocked more than 30,000 attempts to access porn sites', but the more I scrolled the more confusion set in.

I vote Penis Pump Judge for president 2012.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Too many choices! My mind has melted.

Doc said...

I would have bet money that the uber-creepy Cheech & Chong would have won. I mean you can find a corpes anywhere but to make a bong out of one is just too much!

Thanks fo another "heads-up" in the weird and wonderful world of "Creeps Your Mother Is Glad You Didn't Turn Into". Keep up the good work.

Doc

p0nk said...

Findler, 42, is single, is employed as a civilian by the NJ State Police, and lives with his father.

in the basement, no doubt.

thanks for dropping by, Bubs. looks like you got a great blog here.

Beth said...

Do you shower after writing these posts? I always want to after reading them ...

Bubs said...

Beth, I shower on average 2-3 times a day in addition to the repeated handwashing. Occupational hazard I guess.

pOnk, welcome! Very astute comment re: living in the basement. On my creepy continuum there's a whole category of people known as "cellar dwellers". The threat level goes up if it's a guy living with his mother. Often they have ferrets or other animals that make their dwelling areas smell funky. Thanks for stopping by. I liked your place when I visited as well. Please come by again.

doc, they're coming in tied for 2nd or 3rd I think. Who woulda figured?

Barbara, I feel you. In the words of Lux Interior, I can't find my mind.

Coolcat, I plan on monitoring the judge's future adventures. He's about to become a Google news alert all by himself.

kirby, wow. You'll have to tell me about that some time.

Vikki, gruesome? What? This is as family-friendly as it gets around here. Oh, and my family loves Dexter.

Beckeye, we need to compare notes.

Erik, thanks!

Grant Miller, I like the church creeper, but I think the Wisconsin story is close.

WP, there are certainly strange forces at work.

Mathman, I may have an opening in my southeast bureau if you have a nose for the work.

Gifted, I couldn't agree more. They pay my salary, that's for sure.

Laura, thanks

Skylersdad, I like to throw it all out on the table at once.

splotchy, there's something special about him, that's for sure.

jin said...

Damn...
I had to vote for my locale again.

Do you see why all my dates are going horribly wrong?!!? Am I the only normal (I use this term lightly) person in the whole state???

Distributorcap said...

bubs -- thanks for the news across the nation and all the information!

you saved me from buying the Times

8-)

Mnmom said...

Freaking cheeseheads.

Coaster Punchman said...

Potty man was well within his rights if you ask me.

'Bubbles' said...

Great post again, Bubs! I was worried as I voted... but was relieved to see that I'm in the majority. Phew. I had to keep reminding myself, "just because you choose one freak doesn't mean you don't think the others aren't freaks, too!"