On, Wisconsin!

On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin!

Grand old Badger state!

We, thy loyal sons and daughters

Hail thee good and great.

On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin!

Champion of the right.

"Forward," our motto - God

Will give thee might!

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God may give many things to our cheese eating, brandy swilling neighbors to the north, but giving new life to the decomposing corpse of your 90 year old grandmother is not one of them.

Tammy Lewis of Necedah, Wisconsin, was recognized as Freak of the Week on this blog back in May 2008: Freak of the week: midweek sex & death edition. Ms. Lewis, aka Sister Mary Bernadett, was arrested, along with self-styled "Bishop" Alan Bushey (pronounced boo-shay), for keeping the decomposing body of Lewis' grandmother propped up on a toilet for several months while they cashed her checks and Bushey promised to eventually raise her from the dead.

Lewis was back in the news this week as she reached a plea agreement:

Wis. woman pleads no contest in toilet corpse case

Wisconsin authorities, relieved that Lewis did not engage in the usual Wisconsin style necrophilia and cannibalism, agreed to let her plead no contest to misdemeanor charges. Lewis' defense attorney, Dan Berkos, is hopeful:

"She has made some really great progress emotionally and even physically. She is looking forward. She is no longer looking backward at how things should have been different. Everybody is geared toward reunifying her with the kids and getting the family back together."

That could happen within the next year, "assuming things go well," he said.

District Attorney Scott Southworth says the case was handled as well as it could have been:

"I realize some people may say she just got off with a slap on the hand or whatever," he said. "There is a volume of information on the case, a lot of which I cannot divulge to the public. Based on everything we learned, I do believe this was a fair and just way of handling her matter."

35 year old Daniel Shilts of Waldo, Wisconsin, was was pulled over in the city of Plymouth after an officer saw him driving erratically. Shilts eventually crashed into a pole at a gas station. Shilts was arrested after (surprise!) failing sobriety tests. On the way into the police station, Shilts urinated all over the back of the squad car. He also managed to aim between the center divider separating the front and back seats, and whizzed on the back of the arresting officer's head. Mr. Shilts is no stranger to the criminal justice system:

Shilts was charged with misdemeanor fourth-offense operating while intoxicated, felony discharging bodily fluids at a public safety worker, misdemeanor operating after revocation and three felony counts of bail jumping tied to other pending felony cases. He could face up to 15.5 years in prison, if convicted on all counts.

Following, as it does, within weeks of the arrest of Manitowoc resident Torey Devaux for urinating on a dog during a domestic disturbance, I'm prepared to go on the record as saying that Wisconsin is now on the brink of a new "golden age" of freakery. Move over, necrophilia and cannibalism--Wisconsin also stakes a claim on urophilia!

Freak of the week: midweek sex & death edition

That got your attention, didn't it?

Sex:

An unnamed Japanese civil servant was suspended for three months after he was caught surfing porn in his office. More than 177,000 times in July alone. The office computer filters successfully blocked more than 30,000 attempts to access porn sites. As happens with many sexual escapades, he was discovered because of an infection--his computer was repeatedly hit with viruses. He apologized but never did explain his behavior.

Death:

On, Wisconsin!

A 15 year old girl, a 12 year old boy and their mother in Necedah, lived for two months with the decaying body of their deceased 90 year old grandmother sitting on the toilet of the home's only bathroom. Why? Because the family's self-described "bishop" told them the corpse was about to come back to life.



Police went to the house on a well-being check and spoke with the daughter, Tammy Lewis, aka Sister Mary Bernadett, who told them granny wasn't home. Tammy is pictured above. She initially refused to let the deputy in; the alert cop noticed a little something extra in the smell department, in addition to the incense and woodsmoke. Once inside she ultimately found "something piled on what appeared to be a toilet". That "something" was the remains of Magdalena Alvina Middlesworth.

The freakshow got better when Bishop Alan Bushey (pronounced Boo-Shay) arrived. The bishop informed police that he had "received signs that God would raise her from the dead with a miracle."

The 12 year old boy told police "he had considered running away because he was uncomfortable with the situation. He said Bushey told him that demons were trying to make it look as if Middlesworth wouldn't come back to life, and that if she were to be discovered he and the girl would have to go to public school and get jobs because Middlesworth paid the bills."

Surprisingly, since this was Wisconsin, there was no necrophilia or cannibalism involved. Tammy and Alan were charged with felony counts of causing mental harm to a child.

Sex:

This is possibly the best headline, ever:

Penis Pump Judge Gains Release

Former Okie judge Donald Thompson, featured here in October 2007, was released from prison recently. The article doesn't say if it was a full release and there's no way of knowing yet if this story will have a happy ending.

Death:

Kevin Jones and Matthew Gonzalez were each arrested and charged with desecrating a corpse, after they dug up the body of an 11 year old buried in 1921 and removed the skull. Why did they do this?

"They cut the jaw off of it and wrapped it in electrical tape and used it to make a bong," Houston Police Department Officer Jim Adkins said.

Check out the lively, engaged eyes on this duo:



The skull has not been recovered, and police are seeking its return.

Sex:

Some people, you just want to ask them, what the hell were you thinking? Because, really, I'd like to know. I'd like to ask that question of Mr. Thomas G. Findler, of Hamilton, New Jersey.

Mr. Findler was caught by a church custodian at 8:30 in the morning, in a nun's office, viewing pornography on the nun's computer. Investigation revealed that Findler had been creeping around the church for approximately a month, and using the computer to visit "teen and fetish" sites. Findler, 42, is single, is employed as a civilian by the NJ State Police, and lives with his father. He was charged with theft, theft of services and burglary. I could not find a mug shot.

Bonus round:

When Lisa Bess of Ocala, Florida, returned home, she couldn't figure out why her bathroom door was locked and water was running inside. She called the police, and when they got there and kicked in the bathroom door they discovered Tom Wilkerson.



Naked, sitting on the toilet, demanding to be allowed to "finish his business" after having let himself into the house earlier that day. Wilkerson tried to convince police that he was a friend of the family.

Two lessons here:

1) Don't leave a key to your house outside, no matter how well-concealed you think it is, and
2) Make friends with your neighbors, so when they see a burglar standing on your porch smoking, and coming and going from your house during the day, they don't assume it's your friend.

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Now it's time for a poll. Vote for this week's Freak of the Week by clicking here:

Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy V-Day, tiger.

Lately all kinds of strange yet alluring chicks have been stopping by the Compound for no apparent reason. I can't explain it, but I'm not arguing with it either.

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Anyway, it's Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, all you wonderful readers!

The lovely and hilarious Katie Schwartz helped put me in a romantic mood by sending me this picture
along with a link to this article: Gary Coleman weds quietly in Nevada.

Yes, it was a small ceremony, held back in August, but revealed to the world just in time for the holiday of love! Evidently Gary decided to take a page out of the Dennis Kucinich playbook and hitch himself to a hot redhead twice his height. The bride, Shannon Price, is described in this article as "a great e-Bayer...a fabulous e-Bayer."

Best wishes you crazy kids!

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I've changed the tunes for the holiday, giving the blog a classy all-Cramps romantic soundtrack for the weekend:

The Most Exalted Potentate of Love
Let's Get Fucked Up
What's Inside a Girl
Cornfed Dames
(Hot Pool Of) Womanneed

If anyone in 1956 had known this was how rockabilly would turn out, they would've strung up Elvis on the spot.

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Next up is a handy travel guide from Radar Online: The Geography of Desire. (Warning, some links on that page NSFW.) It's a love-map of the greatest nation in the world, the US of A, providing interesting tidbits like these:

• Madera (CA) hosts the highest percentage of men under 25 seeking women over 50. They say you can smell the Chanel No 5 for miles.
• Albany (NY) has the highest percentage of Muslim singles seeking Jews in the country.
• Oregon rents the highest percentage of Hentai, or pornographic cartoons, of any state in the union.
• South Carolina has the highest percentage of female porn enthusiasts in the country.
• The gentlemen of Danville (IL) top the list of those open to women who use smokeless tobacco—pucker up.
• Fast-clicking Coloradoans rent more porn online per capita than any other state.

Moving right along, here's a spot where you can buy "purposeful products to help you encourage God's people." Many of the Valentine messages from God are sold out, but you can still get a magnet set:

For those of you thinking slightly less long-term than an eternity in heaven, there are these heart-shaped sweetheart grave markers.

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Now, on to the freaks.

Former freak of the week Carlton Davis, the Minnesota Toe-Licker, was back in the news recently. Mr. Davis was sentenced to probation for an incident in which he robbed a woman on a Minneapolis street, ordered her to remove her shoes, and then licked her toes.

There's nothing like a couple of drunk, sexed-up hillbillies out for a joyride. Police in Nitro, West Virginia investigated a one-car crash and found a shirtless man running from the scene with his pants unzipped. A woman left behind at the crash claimed to be the driver, but once she found out the penalties for DUI identified the man as the driver. The cause of the crash? Wait for it...

Road head.

Drunken road head, specifically--Matthew Justin Clark, receiver of the road head, had a blood alcohol content of .211 and was driving on a revoked license. Katie Ann Stewart, provider of the road head, had a blood alcohol content of .12. Their parents must be very proud.

In more traffic-related news, police in Cumberland County, Maine, are looking for this man:
The Sheriff's Department has received six reports that this man, dressed in "women’s underwear, a garter belt and black high-heel boots", has pulled in front of women drivers, jumped out of his vehicle and modeled his attire in the roadway.

Not all naked people are lovers. Many are fighters. Like 28-year old Peter Lu of Peekskill, New York. Lu, described in this article as a "naked martial arts expert", fought four police officers on the appropriately-named Hardscrabble Road before being Tasered twice and taken down.

Finally, in news closer to home, 27-year old Izaac T. Channen got arrested by the Des Plaines Police Department. All because he wanted to go to church wearing a bra filled with water balloons, argued with his friend who refused to take Izaac to church dressed like that, took the friend's car keys and refused to return them, and then fought with the police who arrived to investigate.

I like to sign off on a pleasant note, so here it is, a nice Valentine card for all of you:

Midweek Freak Extravaganza

I've got a little time on my hands. I'm in the middle of three days off, I've run my errands, done some of the housecleaning I'd planned on, and I've decided it's a good time to take a break from preparing my documents for next week's visit to the tax lady. I looked back through my saved Google and Reuters email alerts, and my "ideas for blog posts" bookmarks, and realized I've got a backlog. While I like to do a quasi-regular Weenie-Waver Wednesday, it just seemed like this week's collection of sex offenders were more horrible and sad than entertaining. I included the clown because, well, he's a clown. But other than that, no weenie-wavers.

So consider this post kind of a review, a freak follies if you will--a little of this, a little of that, and the year's first Germany or Florida at the end.

Before I get started, a quick update on a former Freak of the Week: Mr. Garth Flaherty. Back in March, 2007, Garth was arrested for a series of panty thefts; police found 93 pounds of women's underwear in his home. In an example of why freaks like Garth are frequently found on this blog and not in an institution, Flaherty was sentenced to only 45 days in jail, of which 30 can be served as community service. So, after all those thefts, all those burglaries, all that damnable...creepiness, here he is: back in circulation with the rest of us.

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Part One: Women Behaving Badly

An unknown woman in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, popped her top so to speak: she removed her blouse and slapped a police officer after being asked to quiet down. Alcohol was involved.

An unknown Palo Alto woman created a disturbance at a local Whole Foods by screaming, stripping herself naked, and throwing her underwear before sitting down on the floor. Details were sketchy as to whether any passersby were struck by her unmentionables.
Nicole Josephson of Des Moines, Iowa, was arrested following a domestic disturbance at her home. Ms. Josephson argued with her boyfriend, Michael Hickman. That argument resulted in Ms. Josephson taking Mr. Hickman's pizza out of the oven and dumping it in the sink. Mr. Hickman took Ms. Josephson's hardboiled eggs off the stove and dumped them into the sink. Ms. Josephson stabbed Mr. Hickman with some scissors. Mr. Hickman retreated to the neighborhood tavern, where a caring bartender dressed Mr. Hickman's wounds.

41-year old Donna Sturkie-Anthony, of North Huntingdon, PA, was arrested after beating her 43-year old sister with the sister's prosthetic leg. The report does not indicate whether or not the offender yanked the fake leg off of the victim's body prior to beating her with it. It may surprise you to discover that this incident occurred in a trailer park.

Noted British testicle ripper Amanda Monti was sentenced to prison. The report does not say for how long, but it does contain this wonderful statement from Ms. Monti:

"It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person."

According to this article in the Australian Courier Mail, and this story from The Sun, Ms. Monti became enraged that the victim did not want to have sex with her. She grabbed his sack, ripped away, and then tried swallowing his testicle. When she gagged and spit out the loose ball, an alert friend of the victim grabbed it and handed it back to the victim, saying "that's yours."

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Part Two: Australian and British Journalism

The Courier Mail "Weird Stuff" section has been a great source lately. In addition to the ball-ripping yarn offered above (which, I forgot to mention, also featured a gallery titled world's notorious penis-slashers and victims) I also found these stories:

Transplant eyeball sent to pub

Man dies in crocodile orgy (now you know that caught my attention!)

And, finally, I learned about a sad little Japanese man named Takahiro Fujinuma, "37, single and unemployed" who was arrested after calling directory assistance more than 10,000 times. Why did he do this?

Because he liked to be scolded by the operators: "I would go into ecstasy when a lady scolded me".

I think that I may seriously have to reconsider the entire Germany or Florida paradigm. It might be much more appropriate to do "Britain or Australia".

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Part Three: Send in the Clowns

Ugh. Michael Fernsler of Franklin County, PA, known as Chuckles the Clown, was sentenced to 26-52 years in prison for sexually assaulting children. Michael Fernsler was also known as Officer Fernsler, and was a foster parent as well. He performed at police and fire functions, and at a local church.

What the fuck? I thought that the combination of clown/cop/religious figure would not be seen more than once. I feel bad for the guys who worked with this clown; all the cops I know are as creeped out by clowns as I am, and I can't imagine they enjoyed working next to this freak.

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Part Four: Germany or Florida

Ok, you guys know the rules: guess the origin of the story, list your answers in the comments, and I'll name the winners in a day or two.

1. A sold cellular phone reveals video of a woman beating her child, leading to her arrest.
2. Neighbors complain about the scantily-clad model on the sign for a "gentlemans club" in their neighborhood.
3. A business owner fires three non-smoking employees for asking for a smoke-free environment.
4. A yuletide prankster torments his victim by placing Christmas trees in front of his house.
5. A man attempting to throw his old Christmas tree out of his apartment window falls three stories and suffers severe head injuries.
6. A travel agency offers a clothing-optional charter flight for customers heading to a beachside nudist resort.
7. A man sets his apartment on fire when he mistakes a bottle of gasoline for a bottle of booze, takes a big gulp and then spits it out. While smoking.
8. A hitman makes four unsuccessful attempts on an elderly couple.
9. A couple were fired from their jobs when their employer found out that, instead of attending a seminar, they went to an S&M dungeon on the company's dime.
   

Freak of the week alumni update

Waaaaaay back in May, a character known only as the "Cheesehead foot freak" won our Freak of the Week contest. News items said a he was arrested for stealing 1,500 pairs of shoes from girls lockers at high schools and middle schools, and I was amazed that, given that level of freakery, I could not find his name or his picture.

Well, generally my attention span has been badly shortened, but I remember a good fetishist. So when I caught a headline about a foot fetishist burglar pleading guilty, I quickly followed the link.

Now, it is with great pleasure that I present to you Erik D. Heinrich:

You can read about his guilty plea here. It should come as no surprise to anyone who reads this blog that Heinrich had a previous shoe-fetish burglary conviction in 2005.

On, Wisconsin!

Freak of the week alumni update

Remember the doctor who dressed up as Captain America, groped some women and shoved a burrito down his pants?

I know you've been wondering how that turned out for him. Well, here's how:

Dr. Raymond Adamcik will not have to go to jail.

The good doctor played his cards right. He did a stint in rehab right away, and had some of the charges reduced. Now he's going to do some community service, pay some fines, and undergo some alcohol and drug testing.