Tuesday, November 18, 2008

On, Wisconsin!

On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin!
Grand old Badger state!
We, thy loyal sons and daughters
Hail thee good and great.
On, Wisconsin! On, Wisconsin!
Champion of the right.
"Forward," our motto - God
Will give thee might!


God may give many things to our cheese eating, brandy swilling neighbors to the north, but giving new life to the decomposing corpse of your 90 year old grandmother is not one of them.

Tammy Lewis of Necedah, Wisconsin, was recognized as Freak of the Week on this blog back in May 2008: Freak of the week: midweek sex & death edition. Ms. Lewis, aka Sister Mary Bernadett, was arrested, along with self-styled "Bishop" Alan Bushey (pronounced boo-shay), for keeping the decomposing body of Lewis' grandmother propped up on a toilet for several months while they cashed her checks and Bushey promised to eventually raise her from the dead.

Lewis was back in the news this week as she reached a plea agreement:

Wis. woman pleads no contest in toilet corpse case

Wisconsin authorities, relieved that Lewis did not engage in the usual Wisconsin style necrophilia and cannibalism, agreed to let her plead no contest to misdemeanor charges. Lewis' defense attorney, Dan Berkos, is hopeful:
"She has made some really great progress emotionally and even physically. She is looking forward. She is no longer looking backward at how things should have been different. Everybody is geared toward reunifying her with the kids and getting the family back together."

That could happen within the next year, "assuming things go well," he said.

District Attorney Scott Southworth says the case was handled as well as it could have been:
"I realize some people may say she just got off with a slap on the hand or whatever," he said. "There is a volume of information on the case, a lot of which I cannot divulge to the public. Based on everything we learned, I do believe this was a fair and just way of handling her matter."

35 year old Daniel Shilts of Waldo, Wisconsin, was was pulled over in the city of Plymouth after an officer saw him driving erratically. Shilts eventually crashed into a pole at a gas station. Shilts was arrested after (surprise!) failing sobriety tests. On the way into the police station, Shilts urinated all over the back of the squad car. He also managed to aim between the center divider separating the front and back seats, and whizzed on the back of the arresting officer's head. Mr. Shilts is no stranger to the criminal justice system:
Shilts was charged with misdemeanor fourth-offense operating while intoxicated, felony discharging bodily fluids at a public safety worker, misdemeanor operating after revocation and three felony counts of bail jumping tied to other pending felony cases. He could face up to 15.5 years in prison, if convicted on all counts.
Following, as it does, within weeks of the arrest of Manitowoc resident Torey Devaux for urinating on a dog during a domestic disturbance, I'm prepared to go on the record as saying that Wisconsin is now on the brink of a new "golden age" of freakery. Move over, necrophilia and cannibalism--Wisconsin also stakes a claim on urophilia!


SkylersDad said...

"Felony discharging bodily fluids at a public safety worker"...

What does it say about us as a society when we actually need a law on the books for this?

Jess Wundrun said...

This entire post has done nothing if not to encourage me to run for mayor of my little town, from whence I shall be catapulted to the office of governor.

As recent events have shown, nothing says preznidential like running for the nation's highest offices from the freaky deakiest state in the country.

In other words: move over Alaska! Us cheese-eatin' beer-peein Sconnyites will see your snow machines and helicopter shoot-outs!

Anonymous said...

Let me just say that you cops earn each and every dollar you make. Holy Golden Showers, Batman!

wonderturtle said...

discharging bodily fluids at a public safety worker

That's really an official crime?

Cormac Brown said...


Anonymous said...

And to think we stopped vacationing there!

Anonymous said...

Yikes, what a bunch of freaks. And honestly, I was quite relieved that none of them were family members.

jin said...

Heehee... the last one is about 8 blocks from my shoppe.

I find it hilarious that I had to come to an Illinois bloggers blog to be appraised of the situation.

Do you fully comprehend now why I will NOT date anyone in the city where I live?! The internet is a much safer environment.

justacoolcat said...

Sometimes I get a little afraid when I think about the fact I'm only 15 minutes from the border . . .

Something tells me when the zombie invasion starts, it'll start in Wisconsin. And there's nothing worse than a drunk and horny zombie.

Gifted Typist said...

Back in my cup reporter days I used to listen to the cop's scanner looking for stories to cover.
After awhile nothing surprised you and you developed an affinity with the cops.

Whiskeymarie said...

God, how I do love Wisconsin.

I guess today's theme is urination. Maybe tomorrow we both could post about flatlence or something else unsavory.

Great minds think alike?

Grant Miller said...

Wasn't there a case recently of a woman "keeping" the corpses of her brother and sisters recently in your neck of the woods?

Bubs said...

Indeed there was Grant Miller--in Evanston. A 90 year old woman living with the corpses of 3 siblings. Not far from Tenacious S. We should ask her if she smelled anything funny over the years.

Whiskeymarie, I always have a supply of excretory and olfactory anecdotes from work. We could team-blog!

Gifted, cops and newspaper writers usually get along well. Along with ER nurses.

Coolcat, it's totally going to be Wisconsin or Arkansas.

Jin, seriously, if this goes on I'm going to have to see about arming you. You're surrounded up there.

Suze, I'm glad I'm not the only one who has that sense of relief when it's not a family member.

Dcup, when I think of all those "waterparks" around the Dells now my blood runs cold.

Cormac, yes. Good response. If I'm not creeping you out, I'm not doing my job.

Wonderturtle and Skylersdad, it's something isn't it? I bet that probably originated as a law to protect prison and jail guards. Prison inmates are big on the poo and pee-flinging.

Kirby, it certainly makes me feel less guilty about the free coffee.

Jess, it's about time! I say it's time to put the upper midwest on the map!

Cormac Brown said...

"Cormac, yes. Good response. If I'm not creeping you out, I'm not doing my job."

That's the thing about Stephen King, he sets a mood, but real life is far more scarier. I don't know how you and the department deal with the psychic baggage.

dguzman said...

I think you just might've earned yourself a little visit from the members of the Wisconsin tourism board.

Of course, you'll have to wait until they're out of jail for peeing on dogs, keeping corpses, and other offenses.