Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Weenie Waver Wednesday, and a new American hero

I found this story a little too late to include it in last week's post. This is a perfect entry for Weenie Waver Wednesday! and it also introduces an excellent candidate for the SRC Prepared American Hero Hall of Fame.

First, the weenie waver.

Meet 46 year old Michael Dick of Gresham, Oregon:

Mr. Dick sauntered, naked, into the Troutdale home of an 88 year old woman at 6:30 in the morning. He "didn't say a word; he just followed her around the room and kept pushing himself against her". He shoved the woman face first into a chair, and then here's where the prepared American hero part comes in.

The 88 year old woman gave Mr. Dick a reverse reach-around, clamping down firmly on Mr. Dick's scrotum and squeezing until he ceased his frottage and ran out of the house. He was arrested a short time later. There's a lovely interview with the woman, identified only as "Jennifer", here:

49 year old Steven Jeffrey Fass of Simpsonville, South Carolina, insomniac and Lexus driver, was stopped by police after being reported for fondling himself while driving naked. When the police stopped him he was sans shirt and shoes, and had a bottle of baby oil and some boxer shorts on the front seat next to him.

This is Roger Arnold of Okeechobee, Florida:

Roger sidled up to the counter of a gas station with a bag of pretzels in front of his crotch, and then exposed himself to the 17 year old girl working the register. The girl stated "that he made several movements to bring her attention to his exposed parts as he lifted his T-shirt and adjusted himself" before leaving the store.

Roger returned 3 days later, and this time the police arrived. According to this article,
"explained he'd been having zipper issues "as his pants were too tight and the zipper kept going down on its own...He also stated that he guessed it was a bad idea not to wear underwear that day..."
I'll close out this week's feature with the case of Jeffrey Pickett:

Jeffrey Pickett is an aspiring mixed martial arts fighter. He was looking for someone to fight with, and he went to the parking lot of the Walmart in Covington, Georgia. He said he wanted to "practice his tap outs". Believing that it would be easier to find someone to fight with him if he was naked, Mr. Pickett undressed in the parking lot and stood next to his car, waiting for an adversary. The Covington Police Department arrested him for public indecency and he's now awaiting trial in the Newton County Jail.


Mnmom said...

WWW never disappoints!

Randal Graves said...

Good thing I stopped blogging naked. I'd hate to appear on a Bubs' police blotter.

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Naked fighting, is that kind of like Foxy Boxing?

SkylersDad said...

Hmmm, I can't wait to use the expression "practice tapouts" with my wife... If she agrees to go along with it...

Grant Miller said...

The last guy kinda has a point about finding guys to fight with.

Amy Guth said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Amy Guth said...

Haha, what on earth would ever make someone assume they would have better luck finding someone to fight if naked?? Must be the same logic at work when we see those guys rip of their shirts on COPS when the fighting is on!

Anonymous said...

Honestly - what are they thinking? What a way to ruin a good bag of pretzels.

Lisa said...

I think it's high time these mooks were introduced to a Badgina.

Megan said...

I love this place. For reals.

Cormac Brown said...

"When the police stopped him he was sans shirt and shoes, and had a bottle of baby oil and some boxer shorts on the front seat next to him."

I wonder if that is going to be on Carfax's used car report (did I cite the right company?).

I guess that guy will get his wish after all, with plenty of naked tap outs at the Newton County Jail.

Bubs said...

Cormac, he'll probably learn more than he ever wanted to know about "submission holds" too. Yeesh. You better get on the horn to Carfax and tell them to add that feature!

Megan, you are too kind. Thank you.

Lisa, yes! Heh. One of the guys I work with just showed me an IDOC photo of a predatory freak we locked up 2 years ago, and while he didn't meet Badgina in prison, he met someone who gave him a good trimming before his photo was taken.

Suze, didn't say if he had the bag open or not, like the old popcorn box trick...

Amy, HELLO! How are you? You know, that shirtless thing, that's just kind of a trailer trash/ghetto rule--always take your shirt off when you fight. Part of it's posturing, part of it is taking the shirt off so it doesn't get pulled up over your head and immobilizing you during a fight.

Grant Miller, I'd hate to try out that theory. I'll ask around.

Skylersdad, let me know how that works for you.

Dr MVM, it is very nearly the polar opposite of that. Ugh.

Randal, blogging naked is only a problem if you're doing it from your local Starbucks or other public wifi hotspot.

MnMom, thank you! We aim to please!

Anonymous said...

Hah... It looks like the press did a good job of exposing these dicks, as did you, Bubs.

Mob said...

I wonder if the one fella found the local PD to be worthy adversaries as they brought his naked ass down?

I never see anything that interesting at our Wal-Mart.

Wren said...

Heh. Mostly, these incidents leave me bemused and speechless. I am, however, very proud of the quick-thinking, strong-fingered 88-year-old Jennifer. Bravo! And was the guy's last name REALLY Dick?!

Freida Bee said...

I, for one, find it extremely sexy to drive with my hands all slicked up with baby oil. It adds a forbidden element to my driving while masturbating. (DWM- for those in the biz, dontcha know.)