In the 2009 threat assessment published on January 14 I identified two emerging crime patterns originating in Florida. The second pattern was the phenomenon of food as weapon.
Now another food-as-weapon incident has been reported, again in sunny Florida.
Meet Cassady C. Catolico:
Ms. Catolico hit a man named Steven Buniasky in the head with a bagel. The report does not describe the bagel, nor does it state whether or not Catolico brought the weapon with her to the crime scene, or if she used the victim's own bagel against him.
It does say that Ms. Catolico was already on probation and was in violation of a temporary injunction filed the week before by her victim. The incident occurred at 2:18 am, proving once more that no matter what problems you're having in your relationship, and no matter how badly you want to work out those problems, trying to do so after 2 in the morning is probably not a good idea.
So, fellow citizens--brace yourselves. So far we've seen assaults with sandwiches, hamburgers, delicious sweet potato pies and now bagels. I shudder to imagine what happens when they get to the canned goods, smoked meats, and large imported cheeses.