Germany or Florida: Post-Halloween Edition Answers

Time for some answers.

Congratulations to Katy and Doctor Monkey Von Monkerstein for their perfect scores!

I've noticed before that people tend to assign a story to Germany or Florida based on certain assumptions--for instance, stories involving cannibalism = Germany, stories involving tattoos = Florida. Very often this is true, at least anecdotally, and remember that in the bold and ever-expanding science known as narcozoology, anecdotal evidence is the most important kind.

Still, I have to confess. Usually stories contain some cultural clue that has to be withheld in order to make the game more competitive. I've listed the answers to each question in a link to the original news story. I've also listed any clue that, if given, would have clearly revealed the origin of the story.

1) A man was arrested after asking his new online buddy to help him kill someone for the purpose of having sex with the corpse (and no, it's not Wisconsin--there are no trick questions here)
Florida

2) A man passed out drunk on his way home from a Halloween party, in full zombie makeup. He was mistaken for a murder victim and police were called.
Germany
(*The man was passed out on a train. Germans ride trains. Floridians don't ride trains--they walk, or ride the bus, or steal a car.)

3) A child became entangled in his family's spider web decorations and was nearly strangled to death.
Florida


4) A man was caught trying to smuggle two large dildos, hidden in sausages, into Dubai.
Germany
(*Come on--the presence of sausage was a dead giveaway. Likewise, if it had been catfish, you woulda known it was Florida. Interestingly my eldest said that Dubai was the Germany indicator--she didn't picture anyone from Florida flying to Dubai.)

5) A man was arrested for placing his roommate in a headlock and biting off part of his ear.
Florida
(*911 was called by a neighbor who was out walking his pit bull. That is pure Florida there.)

6) Prison guards allowed two female inmates to wed each other in an elaborate ceremony featuring wedding rings fashioned from human hair and dental floss.
Florida
(*The guards were suspended for doing this. According to my eldest, the idea of a lesbian prison wedding sounded kind of like something that might be done in a progressive European nation. The fact that the participating guards were disciplined indicated that it happened here in the USA.)

And the winner is...

It's a two way tie!



Yes, readers Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein and Dino aka Katy have tied, with 11 correct answers each. Well done! (Although, Dr. MVM, while I don't think Katy is doping, she might have had an unfair ethnic advantage. I'm just saying. You might want to have your people look into it.)

2nd place, also a tie, goes to Chris and Kirby, with 10 correct answers each. Great job!

3rd place went to MizBubs, with 9 correct answers, called out to me in person as she read the screen and handed me another beer.

I was thinking of a tie-breaking LIGHTNING ELIMINATION ROUND, but MizBubs informed me that the incest story about the brother & sister with 4 kids has been too widely publicized to be useful for such a purpose.

Here are the answers. Each "Germany" or "Florida" is a link to the item's original story, and I'll have a few comments at the end.

1. A man stabs his friend in the back with a fish. FLORIDA
   

2. A bus driver tries to kick a woman off his bus for being too hot. GERMANY
   

3. Police don't charge man who upset his neighbors by throwing a computer out the window. GERMANY
   

4. A man is arrested for beating his brother with a garden gnome. FLORIDA
   

5. Family members are arrested for giving alcohol to a 10 month old baby and videotaping it. FLORIDA
   

6. Zookeepers get in trouble for killing animals and selling them as meat. GERMANY
   

7. Police, alerted by neighbors complaining of a bad smell and uncollected mail, do a premise check expecting to find a corpse. They find a man with hygiene problems and dirty laundry. GERMANY
   

8. A hospital patient bit a nurse in the face and armpit when the nurse refused to give the patient more painkillers. FLORIDA
   

9. A naked tattooed woman is spotted gassing up her sports car and buying smokes. GERMANY
   

10. A man asks a passing police car for a ride, and gets arrested because he forgot to dump the weed he was carrying at the time. FLORIDA
    

11. A 480 pound woman dies after spending 6 years on the couch. FLORIDA
    

12. A 340 pound man is sentenced to 18 months in prison for repeatedly playing dine n' ditch. GERMANY
    

13. A stripper performs CPR on her customer after he falls out during her performance. FLORIDA
    

_____________________

Ok, a few things. No offense intended, but anyone who guessed "Germany" for # 5, or to a lesser extent, # 10, really needs to put a little more thought into this. I'm thinking of hosting some type of training program, including extensive reading and field work, to better acquaint some of y'all with the patterns and habits of F.W.T. (Florida White Trash). I may have to limit class size based on what kind of early-model porno'd-out conversion van I'm able to procure for transportation, and how big a trailer we'll be staying in while we're in the field. You'll have to bring your own Busch Light, crack and lottery tickets.

I had to leave some information out of the descriptions in order to not give things away. For instance, if I had specified "catfish" for question # 1, it would have immediately identified it as a Florida story. Some of you had some pretty good reasoning behind your choices, and some of the questions were tricky. Clearly, lots of people associate bad smells and poor hygiene more with Florida than Germany. People tend to associate garden gnomes and cannibalism or biting with Germany, and tattoos with Florida. It's easy to get those confused.

Johnny Yen brought up an interesting point when he picked # 11 as Germany, saying that someone that size would "only have lasted 3 years in Florida." Now, here's where it gets counterintuitive: a logical person would think that the insane heat and humidity of Florida would do in the morbidly obese faster, and that would seem to be reasonable. But if you've spent any time in the deep south, especially in Florida (although I'll put Louisiana up against any state in the union in the Gilbert Grape's mom-sized character department) you know that epic obesity goes with heat and humidity like Yoo Hoo goes with Moon Pies.

Finally, I'm pleased that two contestants went with the "it's all Florida" technique. Not a bad bet. Big Orange went with the straight "all Florida", which brought him 7 correct answers. Grant Miller, clearly taking advantage of his background in journalism, picked "all Florida" with the added caveat of identifying #6 as a German story. Well-played, Mr. Miller!

For those of you who got fewer than 5 correct...make sure you get on my mailing list so you can sign up for the Official S.R.C. Euro-Freak or Gator Trash Home Correspondence Course when it's released.

Thanks for playing the game!

Not today, terrorists. Not today.