Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Freak of the Week


I know you're all expecting to see another sex fiend for Weenie Waver Wednesday. Sorry to disappoint, but Idaho REPUBLICAN Senator Larry "Glory Hole" Craig has sucked all the oxygen out of the weenie waver news cycle with his antics this week. I mean, really, what's the point digging up obscure perverts from small market media outlets when you've got a CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN senator getting arrested?

Of course, I have to put up a link to the arrest report and mug shot as a courtesy. Thank you, Smoking Gun.
_____________________

For this week's freak I return to a topic that's near and dear to me: narcozoology. This story comes from South Side Bureau Chief Dena. As a bonus, this also counts as a "Germany or Florida" story!

Amateur entomologist and herpetologist Mark Vogel, of Dortmund, Germany, was found by police after neighbors complained of the stink. Rather, they found what was left of him:

A police spokesman said: “It was like a horror movie. His corpse was over the sofa.

“Giant webs draped him, spiders were all over him. They were coming out of his nose and his mouth.

“There was everything there one could imagine in the world of reptiles.

“Larger pieces of flesh torn off by the lizards were scooped up and taken back to the webs of tarantulas and other bird-eating spiders.”

Being an expert in both the fields of narcozoology and crime scene reconstruction, and having the benefit of sharing a bourbon with the intuitive and perceptive MizBubs, I now have a working theory of his death. Remember, narcozoology is a bold new science, unafraid of making great intuitive leaps, unconcerned with the lack of what old science calls "facts."

Mr. Vogel, high as a kite from an afternoon spent licking toads, became dizzy and staggered into one of the glass cases holding Bettina, his prized black widow spider. Hilarity ensued as the case broke open, Mr. Vogel engaging in a furious but relatively brief dance as Bettina, startled from her meal of termites, bit him repeatedly.








22 comments:

Doc said...

RE: Mr. Vogel- I would love to see this played out on CSI (the original, not the spinoffs) this fall, and see you getting a writing credit. You find the best things in the news. As far as the photos of Mr. Craig go, I wouldn't trust this guy to watch my kids for ten minutes while I went for a pack of smokes, let alone vote him into the senate.

Working for the government must be like being a teacher. Lots of paperwork and the job just does weird stuff to you.

Doc

Bubs said...

Doc, thanks. In the case of Sen. Craig, I think that being a f*cked-up, repressed right winger who can't cope with his own sexuality did weird stuff to him. Being a Senator just fueled his sense of immunity.

Beth said...

Be fair, Bubs. It's a witch hunt for "Glory Hole," y'know.

Bill T said...

Thank you, thank you. I was pacing the floor last night wondering if Sen Craig would be this weeks featured Weenie Waver.
I didn't know about the tapping foot routine before this infotainment hit the wires. It may be better to miss a signal in public washrooms, but it's always flattering to be noticed. Thank you Senator for expanding my horizons.

Dino aka Katy said...

how could that guy sleep in his zoo? Reptiles walking free? Spiders, termites ...

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Spiders, lizards, and closeted gay Republicans, yikes.

anandamide said...

The most surprising thing about the narcozoologist story is that the guy is described as a loner. Can't imagine why....

Grant Miller said...

I never knew glory hole was his nickname.

Thanks!

lauralu said...

thanks bubs,

didn't know licking toads could get a buzz on. lauralu

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Glory hole is my new favourite word.

You can't blame the guy though, they put those hot cops in the bathrooms to tempt a guy, who wouldn't succumb?

hahaha my wv is coonsky!

kim said...

Bubsy,

Well said. I agree.


When are we getting together to discuss this in depth?

lulu said...

So, um, are we saying it's *bad* to live in a home where spiders and lizards run free? Because, well...you know.

(I do think I might name one of my geckos "Helmut" in honor of this story though.)

kirby said...

You know, there aren't many bloggers out there today that would make a witty reference to the tarantela. Nicely done.

Oh, and by the way, Larry Craig IS NOT GAY!

BeckEye said...

That'll teach me to eat and blog.

Johnny Yen said...

I'm trying to picture just what was misunderstood. Maybe he'd run out of paper and was trying to signal for the cop in the next stall to give him some TP.

Kim is right-- we need to get together with the Bubs clan on a weekend we've got Adam to hang out and swap tales.

Erik Donald France said...

Love it!

As for Mr. Idaho, another one bites the dust . . . haha

A Ghost's Story said...

Ohmyfuckinggod....

Tenacious S said...

Miss you, Bubs. Hope everything is OK.

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