Toilet Snake Random Ten

This toilet snake story is courtesy of the inquisitive and persistent MizBubs. Believe me, this narcozoologist is indeed lucky to have such a plucky girl Friday.

I'm not talking about the kind of "toilet snake" that you use to clear a clogged toilet. Nope.

I'm talking about the kind of toilet snake that jumps up out of the bowl, hissing, to bite you on the keyster in the wee hours of the morning. Like the 7 foot python pictured at right.

That's a picture of the python that Brooklyn resident Nadege Brunacci found when she went to use her toilet in the early morning hours.

It took plumbers and the NYFD to cut the snake out of the plumbing once they arrived. Additional investigation revealed that the snake had reportedly been seen slithering around the basement of the apartment building a few days before this event.

So, how does this happen? One theory is that the snake was attracted by the glittering gold coins embedded in Ms. Brunacci's toilet seat:

Another theory is that New Yorkers, terrorized for decades by rumors of huge albino alligators lurking in their sewers, have decided to fight back by deploying pythons into the sewer system. Much in the same way that pythons are now on the rampage against alligators in the Everglades.

As strong as the urge is to fight fire with fire, we must not fight reptile with reptile! In the words of Friedrich Nietzche:

Whoever fights reptiles should see to it that in the process he does not become a reptile. And if you gaze long enough into the dark lizard brain, the dark lizard brain will gaze back into you.

Good words to live by if you ask me.

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And now on to today's random ten:

Outlaw Blues—Bob Dylan

She Came In Through The Bathroom Window—The Beatles

(actually, the sex of the python is unknown, and it came in through the bathroom plumbing)

Sassafras Roots—Green Day

Who Threw The Whiskey In the Well—Wynonie Harris

Will You Be Loving Another Man—Bill Monroe

Rocking Little Eskimo—Bobby Swanson & His Sonics

Rip It Up—Elvis Presley

Machine Gun—The Riptides

Mambo Jambo—Perez Prado

Good Thing—Fine Young Cannibals

Stupid reptile tricks

I've done a lot of stupid things in my life. Some of them involved the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

But I've never, ever put a venomous snake in my mouth to show off for a girlfriend. Now that is bad-asssss. Snakes in a motherf*cking mouth.

23 year old Matt Wilkinson, after consuming a few beers, handed his girlfriend a beer, not realizing he was also holding a 20" rattlesnake he'd found a few weeks earlier. (Yeah, I know, chicks dig a guy who brings a pit viper to a backyard barbecue.) When girlfriend protested, Matt stuck the snake in his mouth to show girlfriend how cool the snake was.

And damn if the snake didn't bite him. You can read Matt's story here.

As Matt said, "You can assume alcohol was involved."

Freak of the Week

I know you're all expecting to see another sex fiend for Weenie Waver Wednesday. Sorry to disappoint, but Idaho REPUBLICAN Senator Larry "Glory Hole" Craig has sucked all the oxygen out of the weenie waver news cycle with his antics this week. I mean, really, what's the point digging up obscure perverts from small market media outlets when you've got a CONSERVATIVE REPUBLICAN senator getting arrested?

Of course, I have to put up a link to the arrest report and mug shot as a courtesy. Thank you, Smoking Gun.

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For this week's freak I return to a topic that's near and dear to me: narcozoology. This story comes from South Side Bureau Chief Dena. As a bonus, this also counts as a "Germany or Florida" story!

Amateur entomologist and herpetologist Mark Vogel, of Dortmund, Germany, was found by police after neighbors complained of the stink. Rather, they found what was left of him:

A police spokesman said: “It was like a horror movie. His corpse was over the sofa.

“Giant webs draped him, spiders were all over him. They were coming out of his nose and his mouth.

“There was everything there one could imagine in the world of reptiles.

“Larger pieces of flesh torn off by the lizards were scooped up and taken back to the webs of tarantulas and other bird-eating spiders.”

Being an expert in both the fields of narcozoology and crime scene reconstruction, and having the benefit of sharing a bourbon with the intuitive and perceptive MizBubs, I now have a working theory of his death. Remember, narcozoology is a bold new science, unafraid of making great intuitive leaps, unconcerned with the lack of what old science calls "facts."

Mr. Vogel, high as a kite from an afternoon spent licking toads, became dizzy and staggered into one of the glass cases holding Bettina, his prized black widow spider. Hilarity ensued as the case broke open, Mr. Vogel engaging in a furious but relatively brief dance as Bettina, startled from her meal of termites, bit him repeatedly.

Best search phrase yet

Someone from Canada found us by typing "baptists bourbon snakes"

That is awesome. I'm a very proud blogger right now.

Snakes in a theater. And eating an alligator.

Thanks Kate.

It's now officially snake week at the Compound. Multiple sources, including Reuters, the Guardian and the BBC, all reported that someone released live rattlesnakes at a screening of Snakes on a Plane in Arizona. It's a good story, something right out of the William Castle

Predictably enough, the so-called "authorities" are denying such a thing ever happened. A spokesman for the Phoenix Police Department says no one released snakes in the theater. He goes on to state that one rattlesnake that was found in the lobby "had likely slithered into the theater on his own." WTF? That's supposed to be reassuring? That's right, no one released venomous snakes into the theater, but Phoenix, and the entire state of Arizona for that matter, is so infested with rattlesnakes that they just slither into the theater "on their own" from time to time!?! Get me some Coke and a corn dog, I feel way safer now! No, what they need is some motherf*cking alligators to deal with that motherf*cking snake problem, is what they need.

I take that back. It turns out that, in a fight, a big-ass snake and an alligator are a good match. Remember that picture of the python that died trying to eat an alligator? This story from Salon.com says that the Everglades may be infested by anywhere from 1,000-10,000 Burmese pythons. Turns out that python-owning freaks, once they tire of the thrill of caring for a 12 foot long beast that can kill you, like to dump them into the Everglades.

And, finally, Venezuelan Dr. Jesus Rivas, a noted expert on Anacondas, is willing to take you on tours of the jungle to help hunt snakes. He likes to wade in, barefoot, and poke along with his bare toes to find the elusive green Anaconda. You can visit his website here.