Friday, October 19, 2007

Toilet Snake Random Ten

This toilet snake story is courtesy of the inquisitive and persistent MizBubs. Believe me, this narcozoologist is indeed lucky to have such a plucky girl Friday.

I'm not talking about the kind of "toilet snake" that you use to clear a clogged toilet. Nope.

I'm talking about the kind of toilet snake that jumps up out of the bowl, hissing, to bite you on the keyster in the wee hours of the morning. Like the 7 foot python pictured at right.

That's a picture of the python that Brooklyn resident Nadege Brunacci found when she went to use her toilet in the early morning hours.

It took plumbers and the NYFD to cut the snake out of the plumbing once they arrived. Additional investigation revealed that the snake had reportedly been seen slithering around the basement of the apartment building a few days before this event.

So, how does this happen? One theory is that the snake was attracted by the glittering gold coins embedded in Ms. Brunacci's toilet seat:

Another theory is that New Yorkers, terrorized for decades by rumors of huge albino alligators lurking in their sewers, have decided to fight back by deploying pythons into the sewer system. Much in the same way that pythons are now on the rampage against alligators in the Everglades.

As strong as the urge is to fight fire with fire, we must not fight reptile with reptile! In the words of Friedrich Nietzche:

Whoever fights reptiles should see to it that in the process he does not become a reptile. And if you gaze long enough into the dark lizard brain, the dark lizard brain will gaze back into you.

Good words to live by if you ask me.


And now on to today's random ten:

Outlaw Blues—Bob Dylan

She Came In Through The Bathroom Window—The Beatles

(actually, the sex of the python is unknown, and it came in through the bathroom plumbing)

Sassafras Roots—Green Day

Who Threw The Whiskey In the Well—Wynonie Harris

Will You Be Loving Another Man—Bill Monroe

Rocking Little Eskimo—Bobby Swanson & His Sonics

Rip It Up—Elvis Presley

Machine Gun—The Riptides

Mambo Jambo—Perez Prado

Good Thing—Fine Young Cannibals


justacoolcat said...

Gold coins on the toilet seat? Attacking reptiles?

I have a hard time believing this lady isn't involved in some Narcozoological ventures.

vikkitikkitavi said...

People with novelty toilet seats deserve a bite in the ass.

Barbara Bruederlin said...

I would love to see what the rest of her apartment looks like! I have a feeling it would be a shoe-in for How Not To Decorate.

Grant Miller said...

I need to get some Bill Monroe.

Anonymous said...

The worst thing that ever happened to me in a bathroom was waking up face to face with a cockroach after too much tequila. I guess I'm lucky it wasn't a python.

jin said...

I have to second what vikki said! Haahaa!

Beth said...

A woman in my neck of the woods was bitten on the a** while sitting on the middle-of-the-night throne — by a RAT that had crawled up through the pipes. I've never been able to sit blindly since.

Coaster Punchman said...

Holy shit Bubs! And right near my own neighborhood!

I would bitch slap that stupid tenant who saw the snake slithering down the basement stairs a week prior. Um, if I saw a python in my building I might consider calling the authorities and alerting other tenants.

Some asswipe probably tried to flush it or something.

Bubs said...

CP, at what point did they try and flush it do you think? 3 feet? 5 feet? Good lord. They were probably too busy hitting the crack pipe to notice that their python was gone. Keep your eyes open, my friend. Pythons are like mice--you might see one, and if you do it means there's probably an infestation of them.

Beth...rats. Ugh. Those are some filthy creatures.

Jin, Vikki...yes. yes they do.

Kirby, was the roach on the floor with you, or did the encounter take place somewhere else?

Grant Miller, we got that off The Essential Bill Monroe & His Bluegrass Boys. It's a boxed set, and an excellent collection of his earlier work.

Coolcat, I saw that she was a restaurateur...and if you ask Anthony Bourdain, Johnny Yen or Jin, that field is ridden with dope fiends.

xoxoxoxoBabyGirlxoxoxoxo said...

how the hell do snakes get up the toilet and bite your ass?

Dudette said...

is a python poisonous oh nvm no it's not but then would it really hurt if it bit you?

GangstaBabe said...

Yeah shit it will what do you think.