Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Midweek Freak Extravaganza

I've got a little time on my hands. I'm in the middle of three days off, I've run my errands, done some of the housecleaning I'd planned on, and I've decided it's a good time to take a break from preparing my documents for next week's visit to the tax lady. I looked back through my saved Google and Reuters email alerts, and my "ideas for blog posts" bookmarks, and realized I've got a backlog. While I like to do a quasi-regular Weenie-Waver Wednesday, it just seemed like this week's collection of sex offenders were more horrible and sad than entertaining. I included the clown because, well, he's a clown. But other than that, no weenie-wavers.

So consider this post kind of a review, a freak follies if you will--a little of this, a little of that, and the year's first Germany or Florida at the end.

Before I get started, a quick update on a former Freak of the Week: Mr. Garth Flaherty. Back in March, 2007, Garth was arrested for a series of panty thefts; police found 93 pounds of women's underwear in his home. In an example of why freaks like Garth are frequently found on this blog and not in an institution, Flaherty was sentenced to only 45 days in jail, of which 30 can be served as community service. So, after all those thefts, all those burglaries, all that damnable...creepiness, here he is: back in circulation with the rest of us.

_____________________



Part One: Women Behaving Badly

An unknown woman in Murfreesboro, Tennessee, popped her top so to speak: she removed her blouse and slapped a police officer after being asked to quiet down. Alcohol was involved.

An unknown Palo Alto woman created a disturbance at a local Whole Foods by screaming, stripping herself naked, and throwing her underwear before sitting down on the floor. Details were sketchy as to whether any passersby were struck by her unmentionables.
Nicole Josephson of Des Moines, Iowa, was arrested following a domestic disturbance at her home. Ms. Josephson argued with her boyfriend, Michael Hickman. That argument resulted in Ms. Josephson taking Mr. Hickman's pizza out of the oven and dumping it in the sink. Mr. Hickman took Ms. Josephson's hardboiled eggs off the stove and dumped them into the sink. Ms. Josephson stabbed Mr. Hickman with some scissors. Mr. Hickman retreated to the neighborhood tavern, where a caring bartender dressed Mr. Hickman's wounds.


41-year old Donna Sturkie-Anthony, of North Huntingdon, PA, was arrested after beating her 43-year old sister with the sister's prosthetic leg. The report does not indicate whether or not the offender yanked the fake leg off of the victim's body prior to beating her with it. It may surprise you to discover that this incident occurred in a trailer park.


Noted British testicle ripper Amanda Monti was sentenced to prison. The report does not say for how long, but it does contain this wonderful statement from Ms. Monti:
"It was never my intention to cause harm to Geoff and the fact that I have caused him injury will live with me forever. I am in no way a violent person."
According to this article in the Australian Courier Mail, and this story from The Sun, Ms. Monti became enraged that the victim did not want to have sex with her. She grabbed his sack, ripped away, and then tried swallowing his testicle. When she gagged and spit out the loose ball, an alert friend of the victim grabbed it and handed it back to the victim, saying "that's yours."
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Part Two: Australian and British Journalism

The Courier Mail "Weird Stuff" section has been a great source lately. In addition to the ball-ripping yarn offered above (which, I forgot to mention, also featured a gallery titled world's notorious penis-slashers and victims) I also found these stories:

Transplant eyeball sent to pub

Man dies in crocodile orgy (now you know that caught my attention!)

And, finally, I learned about a sad little Japanese man named Takahiro Fujinuma, "37, single and unemployed" who was arrested after calling directory assistance more than 10,000 times. Why did he do this?

Because he liked to be scolded by the operators: "I would go into ecstasy when a lady scolded me".

I think that I may seriously have to reconsider the entire Germany or Florida paradigm. It might be much more appropriate to do "Britain or Australia".
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Part Three: Send in the Clowns

Ugh. Michael Fernsler of Franklin County, PA, known as Chuckles the Clown, was sentenced to 26-52 years in prison for sexually assaulting children. Michael Fernsler was also known as Officer Fernsler, and was a foster parent as well. He performed at police and fire functions, and at a local church.

What the fuck? I thought that the combination of clown/cop/religious figure would not be seen more than once. I feel bad for the guys who worked with this clown; all the cops I know are as creeped out by clowns as I am, and I can't imagine they enjoyed working next to this freak.
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Part Four: Germany or Florida

Ok, you guys know the rules: guess the origin of the story, list your answers in the comments, and I'll name the winners in a day or two.

  1. A sold cellular phone reveals video of a woman beating her child, leading to her arrest.
  2. Neighbors complain about the scantily-clad model on the sign for a "gentlemans club" in their neighborhood.
  3. A business owner fires three non-smoking employees for asking for a smoke-free environment.
  4. A yuletide prankster torments his victim by placing Christmas trees in front of his house.
  5. A man attempting to throw his old Christmas tree out of his apartment window falls three stories and suffers severe head injuries.
  6. A travel agency offers a clothing-optional charter flight for customers heading to a beachside nudist resort.
  7. A man sets his apartment on fire when he mistakes a bottle of gasoline for a bottle of booze, takes a big gulp and then spits it out. While smoking.
  8. A hitman makes four unsuccessful attempts on an elderly couple.
  9. A couple were fired from their jobs when their employer found out that, instead of attending a seminar, they went to an S&M dungeon on the company's dime.


13 comments:

lauralu said...

1. F
2. G
3. F
4. F
5. G
6. G
7. G
8. F
9. F

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Wow that post is just chock full of goodness, innit? My head is still reeling, but here is my attempt at G & F nonetheless:

1. G
2. G
3. G
4. F
5. G
6. G
7. F
8. F
9. G

GETkristiLOVE said...

Damn, all the best stuff happens at trailer parks.

1.G 2.F 3.F 4.G 5.G 6.F 7.G 8.F 9.G

Mob said...

So this is what sensory overload feels like....

Holy moses.

And as to the contest...

1. G
2. F
3. G
4. F
5. G
6. F
7. G
8. F
9. G

I swear to God I'm not trying to play the odds on this either, that's just what my gut tells me the answers are...

Dr. Monkey Von Monkerstein said...

Thank goodness you look for the freaks so I don't have to.

Dino aka Katy said...

alrighty I would say 3,5,6,7 are definately German and you know number 9 sounds German too. the rest must be Florida

kirby said...

Heather Mills has a sister in Pennsylvania?

Anyway, I say #1,3,7, and 8 are Florida. The rest are Germany.

Splotchy said...

I suck at this, but here are my answers.

I know at least one is correct.

1. F
2. F
3. G
4. G
5. F
6. G
7. G
8. G
9. G

Jess Wundrun said...

I'm a first time player wish me luck:

1. G
2. F
3. F
4. G
5. G
6. F
7. F
8. G
9. G

Grant Miller said...

The first 8 are Florida. The last one has to be Germany.

jin said...

1. F
2. F
3. G
4. G
5. F
6. G
7. F
8. F
9. F

Coaster Punchman said...

1. F
2. G
3. G
4. G
5. G
6. G
7. F
8. F
9. G

Johnny Yen said...

1. Florida
2. Florida
3. Germany
4. Germany
5. Florida
6. Germany
7. Florida
8. Florida
9. Germany