Happy Valentine's Day!

Happy V-Day, tiger.

Lately all kinds of strange yet alluring chicks have been stopping by the Compound for no apparent reason. I can't explain it, but I'm not arguing with it either.

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Anyway, it's Valentine's Day. Happy Valentine's Day, all you wonderful readers!

The lovely and hilarious Katie Schwartz helped put me in a romantic mood by sending me this picture
along with a link to this article: Gary Coleman weds quietly in Nevada.

Yes, it was a small ceremony, held back in August, but revealed to the world just in time for the holiday of love! Evidently Gary decided to take a page out of the Dennis Kucinich playbook and hitch himself to a hot redhead twice his height. The bride, Shannon Price, is described in this article as "a great e-Bayer...a fabulous e-Bayer."

Best wishes you crazy kids!

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I've changed the tunes for the holiday, giving the blog a classy all-Cramps romantic soundtrack for the weekend:

The Most Exalted Potentate of Love
Let's Get Fucked Up
What's Inside a Girl
Cornfed Dames
(Hot Pool Of) Womanneed

If anyone in 1956 had known this was how rockabilly would turn out, they would've strung up Elvis on the spot.

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Next up is a handy travel guide from Radar Online: The Geography of Desire. (Warning, some links on that page NSFW.) It's a love-map of the greatest nation in the world, the US of A, providing interesting tidbits like these:

• Madera (CA) hosts the highest percentage of men under 25 seeking women over 50. They say you can smell the Chanel No 5 for miles.
• Albany (NY) has the highest percentage of Muslim singles seeking Jews in the country.
• Oregon rents the highest percentage of Hentai, or pornographic cartoons, of any state in the union.
• South Carolina has the highest percentage of female porn enthusiasts in the country.
• The gentlemen of Danville (IL) top the list of those open to women who use smokeless tobacco—pucker up.
• Fast-clicking Coloradoans rent more porn online per capita than any other state.

Moving right along, here's a spot where you can buy "purposeful products to help you encourage God's people." Many of the Valentine messages from God are sold out, but you can still get a magnet set:

For those of you thinking slightly less long-term than an eternity in heaven, there are these heart-shaped sweetheart grave markers.

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Now, on to the freaks.

Former freak of the week Carlton Davis, the Minnesota Toe-Licker, was back in the news recently. Mr. Davis was sentenced to probation for an incident in which he robbed a woman on a Minneapolis street, ordered her to remove her shoes, and then licked her toes.

There's nothing like a couple of drunk, sexed-up hillbillies out for a joyride. Police in Nitro, West Virginia investigated a one-car crash and found a shirtless man running from the scene with his pants unzipped. A woman left behind at the crash claimed to be the driver, but once she found out the penalties for DUI identified the man as the driver. The cause of the crash? Wait for it...

Road head.

Drunken road head, specifically--Matthew Justin Clark, receiver of the road head, had a blood alcohol content of .211 and was driving on a revoked license. Katie Ann Stewart, provider of the road head, had a blood alcohol content of .12. Their parents must be very proud.

In more traffic-related news, police in Cumberland County, Maine, are looking for this man:
The Sheriff's Department has received six reports that this man, dressed in "women’s underwear, a garter belt and black high-heel boots", has pulled in front of women drivers, jumped out of his vehicle and modeled his attire in the roadway.

Not all naked people are lovers. Many are fighters. Like 28-year old Peter Lu of Peekskill, New York. Lu, described in this article as a "naked martial arts expert", fought four police officers on the appropriately-named Hardscrabble Road before being Tasered twice and taken down.

Finally, in news closer to home, 27-year old Izaac T. Channen got arrested by the Des Plaines Police Department. All because he wanted to go to church wearing a bra filled with water balloons, argued with his friend who refused to take Izaac to church dressed like that, took the friend's car keys and refused to return them, and then fought with the police who arrived to investigate.

I like to sign off on a pleasant note, so here it is, a nice Valentine card for all of you:

No blog is an island

I am not (yet) a reclusive, booze-addled, gun-happy crank. I love socializing and talking, so I felt more than a little embarrassed that it took me this long to link to some of my favorite sites. Please accept my apology for not doing so sooner. I'm still figuring this out, and going through my bookmarks to find more stuff to link to. I imagine that within a week or two there will be quite a few more blogs up there, and a whole bunch more pop culture and political bullshit.

The snow's been shoveled two and a half times so far, and I'm sure there's more to come. I'm not beefing--you'd have to be a real whiner to complain about this snow after seeing what got dumped on NY state last week. I've been on the phone with work about a half dozen times today because some high-ranking clown is upset that I left my car parked in the department lot. We went to my niece's birthday party Saturday, and MizBubs suggested that she pick me up at work rather than wait for me to drive home and leave from there. I would've picked up the car sooner, but I didn't need it. Anyway, rather than just call me directly, bozo, undoubtedly cranked up by a couple of scheming cronies, spent the entire day pestering my friend who's working today and is the acting commander while our boss is on vacation. My friend, under orders, has had to call me every time and report back to bozo--yes, Joe is going to move his car, some time later today after his daughter gets home from school. Honest to God, if we spent half the effort on real police work that we do on peripheral chickenshit like cleaning the parking lot, or replacing the hat shields and bands on the uniform hats, there'd be no crime. I'll go in later tonight, after all the day shift hall monitors have gone home, and get my car. I want them to see it as they leave work and go home upset.

Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and I hope everyone has someone special to spend some time with. If you don't, I hope one's on the way.

I want to sign off on an up note, so here's a little Bettie Page, looking like she's wearing her Valentine's Day bustier and shoes. Dig that hep mid-century furniture in the background.