On, Wisconsin

Meet Valentina Grenader of New Berlin, Wisconsin.

Ms. Grenader is currently charged with attempted first-degree intentional homicide, strangulation and suffocation, and substantial battery.

Ms. Grenader and her victim, her husband Mark Grenader, arrived together at the New Berlin Police Department, with Mr. Grenader demanding to press charges against her.

His beef?

"He said she initiated sexual contact, tying him to bed posts and blindfolding him. Then she put the plastic wrap over his mouth and nose, making it difficult for him to breathe. He began thrashing and tried to yell for help.

She told him she was going to kill him and then herself, the complaint says.

As he pleaded for his life, she hit him three or four times with a dumbbell in the head..."

Ms. Grenader says she wasn't trying to kill him, only trying to get him to shut up so that she could discuss her gambling problem with him after losing $800 in a casino. She went on to describe her victim as "a control freak". Mr. Grenader required several stitches to close his head wound.

What I'd like to know:

1) How did the couple get from the house to the police station? What did they talk about in the car on the way over? Who drove?

2) What conditions of bond did the judge order, other than to "not possess weapons, including dumbbells"?

3) How long have they lived in Wisconsin? Because this is a pretty lame-ass attempt at necrophilia if you ask me, and I would expect better from a native or long-time resident.

Germany or Florida: And the winner is...CANADA!

Congratulations to long-time friend of the compound Dale! He successfully went for the bold "all Florida" gambit and won this week's contest. He even did it in a typically polite and unobtrusive way:

"Is it wrong to guess Florida for all of them?"

Well done, sir!

Clearly Dale has shown unique insight into the Florida mindset. Does he winter there? Until now I had never pictured Dale as one of those millions of snowbirds who flock to Florida every year; however, a careful re-reading of his Honeypot stories made me realize she is very likely some native Florida white trash that he brought back north for his (and our) amusement.

I'd also like to take this opportunity to welcome some new visitors to the compound. Eternally Curious and Jewels both stopped by and jumped right into the contest. Thanks for visiting, and I hope you'll be back soon!

Answers and commentary are in blue.

1) A man and his girlfriend returned home after arguing in a tavern. The man wanted to have sex, and the woman didn't. The man threatened her with a rifle, but only succeeded in shooting himself.

No Bang? Bang! Bang! Xanax was also involved, in addition to the alcohol and firearms.

2) An argument between two men resulted in one of them grabbing a hammer and threatening the other. The other grabbed a letter opener and stabbed the hammer man. It was not hammer time.

Man with hammer loses to man with letter opener, police say.

3) A man wanted to teach his son "how to party right" and showed the teenager how to crush and snort prescription drugs. The son died.

Boy dies during dad's 'how to party' lesson, police say.

If I'd told you the drug was Oxycontin, it would totally have given away the source.

4) A homeless woman hit a homeless man over the head with a Heineken bottle during an argument.



Well played, Skylersdad and Kirby, for recognizing that the Heineken reference was a red herring! If I had given the reason for the argument, it would totally have nailed this as a Florida story:

"...Diane Parrish hit him over the head with a Heineken beer bottle after he told Parrish her daughter could not get her into heaven, only Jesus can, according to the report."

Remember this for future reference: Jesus + interpersonal violence=Florida.

5) A pet rat starts a fire in the owner's home.

Flaming pet rat starts fire, damages Titusville home. If I'd mentioned that the kid's parents were away doing mission work, that might have given it away (again with the Jesus=Florida). Maybe this line, delivered with typical Floridian understatement, would have done the trick:

"I had a few beers before it happened, but nothing out of the ordinary," Stanifer told Eyewitness News.

6) A driver pulled over on suspicion of drunk driving promptly urinated on himself as he asked the officer if he was in any trouble.

Driver gets pulled over, urinates on himself.

This one was tough just based on the information given. Now, if the driver had actually called the police there himself, or if he'd been stopped while fleeing from a poorly-planned robbery, that would have made it an easier Florida pick.

7) The owners of a traveling educational zoo are sued by a hotel worker who claims that her exposure to bird and monkey feces and dander caused a chronic medical condition when they stayed at her hotel.

Inn housekeeper sues Paso's traveling zoo.

Another tough call: monkeys=Germany, squalor can go either way and generally litigation=Florida. If you read the story, though, you'll see that an alligator was involved.