On, Wisconsin!

Meet 23-year-old Rachel Ferrara. Rachel does not like her boyfriend watching porn. I mean, she really does not like her boyfriend watching porn. Or maybe it was the watching porn and masturbating part that got her. Maybe if he'd just been doing one or the other, things would have worked out ok. We'll probably never know.

In any event, Rachel came home and found her boyfriend getting busy with himself. She punched him in the gut, kicked him in the groin, and then backed him into the kitchen, where she proceeded to grab a 5" serrated knife. She then carved him a bit about the arms, and stabbed him in the abdomen. He drove himself to the hospital.

What makes this strange for a Wisconsin case is that she used a serrated kitchen knife, and not a replica Ren-Faire dagger of some type. Maybe she's not originally from Wisconsin.

On, Wisconsin

Meet Valentina Grenader of New Berlin, Wisconsin.

Ms. Grenader is currently charged with attempted first-degree intentional homicide, strangulation and suffocation, and substantial battery.

Ms. Grenader and her victim, her husband Mark Grenader, arrived together at the New Berlin Police Department, with Mr. Grenader demanding to press charges against her.

His beef?

"He said she initiated sexual contact, tying him to bed posts and blindfolding him. Then she put the plastic wrap over his mouth and nose, making it difficult for him to breathe. He began thrashing and tried to yell for help.

She told him she was going to kill him and then herself, the complaint says.

As he pleaded for his life, she hit him three or four times with a dumbbell in the head..."

Ms. Grenader says she wasn't trying to kill him, only trying to get him to shut up so that she could discuss her gambling problem with him after losing $800 in a casino. She went on to describe her victim as "a control freak". Mr. Grenader required several stitches to close his head wound.

What I'd like to know:

1) How did the couple get from the house to the police station? What did they talk about in the car on the way over? Who drove?

2) What conditions of bond did the judge order, other than to "not possess weapons, including dumbbells"?

3) How long have they lived in Wisconsin? Because this is a pretty lame-ass attempt at necrophilia if you ask me, and I would expect better from a native or long-time resident.

Love Me Tender

Meet Danielle Chastain of Fort Worth, Texas.

Reports do not state whether or not she was an Elvis fan. What the reports do state was that, when police arrived at her home and found her estranged husband outside, bruised and battered, they noted "the distinct “waffle-like pattern” of a meat tenderizer" in his injuries.

Ms. Chastain had beaten her husband with a meat tenderizer. She left the scene before the arrival of police and was arrested later.

This is not what Otis Redding had in mind when he suggested that we "try a little tenderness."

Feel free to insert your own hokey tenderizer jokes in the comments.

Saucy

MizBubs' elbow is seen slaving away in the Sprawling Ramshackle Compound test kitchen, stirring sauces.

The lighter sauce on the left is a North Carolina style mustard and vinegar based sauce. It's vinegary all right. The one on the right is a more mid-south sauce, heavier on the molasses and brown sugar. We ended up adding some chipotle and chocolate to make it richer, and it's gotten quite a bit darker since this picture was taken.

In many cultures, especially in our home, the man with the most pork is widely regarded as a god-king in the community.

This is what 30 pounds of pork shoulder looks like before it gets rubbed with spices and put back in the refrigerator to prepare for 8-10 hours of hickory smoking tomorrow. 30 pounds of pork shoulder will probably cook down to about 20 pounds of meat, and at 6 oz per serving for pulled pork sandwiches that should be about 53 servings.

Dystopia, our eldest, hoisted Old Glory out front today. It was an inspiring moment.

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One thing I like about our family are the random moments. Like coming home and finding this little tableau: a note written to our eldest while she was house-sitting, now spotted with some stage blood from the horror con. Resting on top of that was a sharp little gardening tool that the youngest had just used to tear up the weeds from the front walk. Here is the effect:

I don't know, it just looked kind of crime-sceney to me. In a good way.

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OK, can we start blowing stuff up yet?

Thank God

Thank God that in this crazy, mixed-up, gator-ridden world of ours, we still have pie.

Strawberry rhubarb pie.



I'm telling you, everyone should have a MizBubs to freshen their drinks and bake them pie. She looks adorable, and she even gave me a few fresh strawberries to muddle into my bourbon. Tasty.