Thursday, November 30, 2006
I live for this stuff.
Seriously, finding out about this today was like an early Christmas present.
I lowered the official Sprawling Ramshackle Compound Alligator Attack Threat Level in June, earlier this summer.
I did this after our trip to Florida revealed that, at least in my case personally, viscious birds are a greater threat than alligators. This recent incident will not result in a revising of our alligator attack threat assessment due to its unique elements: nudity and crack cocaine use.
At approximately 4 am, Polk County deputies found Adrian J. Apgar (known from this point forward as "Lefty") naked in the jaws of an alligator. Mr. Apgar told the deputies he had been smoking crack prior to the attack; I have not been able to find any explanation of why Lefty was naked or in the water with the alligator.
Clearly, this nation's heightened level of alligator attack vigilance (for which I take a large share of the credit) has resulted in a change of tactics for our reptilian enemy. Even the alligator's prehistoric walnut brain knows that an intoxicated, dope-addled target is an easy target. I'd like to know what kind of lizard sold that rock to Mr. Apgar.