There are three freaks this week. Let's have a little contest, shall we?
Contestant number one hails from the Badger State. For some reason, not a single article I found mentioned this freak by name. But here's the story: a 27 year old man was arrested and found to be in possession of 1,500 pairs of girl's shoes. He stole the shoes from area schools because, as a police spokesman said, "he liked to smell them."
Contestant number two was very definitely identified after he got caught jerking off in a women's bathroom at the University of Arizona. And, uh, oh yeah--he turned out to be an FBI agent:
Ryan Seese, 33, was cited on suspicion of public sexual indecency, criminal trespassing and indecent exposure, said Sgt. Eugene Mejia, a University of Arizona Police Department spokesman.
Contestant number three is another unknown freak, and a Canadian! Perhaps our favorite Canadians Dale or Barbara might have some insight into this behavior; then again, it might be really scary if they do.
Police in Guelph, Ontario, are looking for a man who is approaching women and asking them to kick him in the groin. Two of the women reported that the man was riding a bicycle at the time, so maybe he wasn't really committed to getting kicked in the balls. Here's what caught my attention:
According to a police spokesperson, they want to find this freak not because he's actually committed a crime, but because "That kind of behavior tends to be a precursor to sexual assault." In my 19 years of police work, I've never seen nor heard of a sexual assault that starts off with the offender asking the victim to kick him in the balls, but then again, I've never worked sex crimes in Canada. Is it different up there?
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17 comments:
I would be happy to set the cheesehead up with some of my cast off shoes for a small fee.
omg...we're freaks.
I have a story...I do hope I didn't tell you this already:
When my husband decided to make the move over here he told absolutely anyone that would listen how he'd be moving from England to WI. No one he told had ever heard of WI...until the week before he was to leave his job (he was a Professor of IT at a University). He had lunch with one of his colleagues, a top notch criminologist, whom he excitedly told about WI. The mans eyes grew wide and he said, "Wisconsin? NOT Wisconsin! You can't move to that state!"
D said, "Well, you've heard of it then?"
"Heard of it? I've studied it for years! We all know about WI. It's the state that breeds the most serial killers! You are very brave."
Needless to say this freaked him out a tad! LMAO!
You know, Wisconsin is almost Canada.
I can't tell you how proud I am that a Canadian has made the finalists' list for freaks. This is the kind of recognition we have been craving for years.
That said, I shall have to leave it to the Ontarian to explain the rationale behind that one, as it seems to be a regional proclivity. Out here the pervs get their jollies by bouncing up and down on a bull for 8 seconds.
I voted for the Ontario Nut Buster for several reasons. First, I've actually been to Guelph, Ontario-- it played into the Toronto Stanley Cup Road Trip story. Secondly, I felt it was a great way to honor all my beloved Candians, like Dale, Barbara, Toccata, etc. And lastly, I encourage his behavior-- eventually he'll inhibit his ability to spawn more freaks like himself.
You know I'm voting for the Cheesehead. Give them recognition and maybe they'll stay on their side of the border.
i had seen story number one and was thinking about emailing you the link when I read your post - got to love crazy people
I'm voting for Mr. Cheesehead. I'm curious if has come up with his own vocabulary to describe all the subtle nuances of the shoes he has smelled. e.g. "Pungent, with a fruity note."
Why don't men ever come up to me and ask me to kick them in the groin? I miss all the good stuff.
A number of years ago when I was a bartender back in NYC, we had customers that would come into this bar--a rather respectable, grab-a-drink-after-work sort of place-- and quietly ask for all sorts of nonsense like this. Offers to purchase our footwear after work, offers to pay us for a swift kick in the sack, offers to pay us to shake hands with a guy before he'd go jerk it in the bathroom. Never a dull moment. I always refused, though I was tempted to take the one guy's money and gladly kick him in the nuts. Hell, I would have probably paid him. Anyway, probably the oddest one of all was when a regular male suit-clad customer offered me $50 to walk past him and give him a wedgie with the control-top pantyhose he was "secretly" wearing under his suit. Again, had to pass on that one.
Sheesh.
You gotta go for the Cheesehead. It's so Japanese in its fetishness.
Beth, I kind of agree. The best freak behavior has that OCD component, like collecting 1,500 pairs of shoes (or panties, as in earlier stories)
Amy, let's go drinking. I like your stories! And thanks for stopping by, this is an honor! My eldest daughter just got her first creepy MySpace freak contact from a guy who wanted her to stomp on him. Sheesh is right.
Beckeye, no kidding. Hopefully you'll get lucky some day and get to launch a high hard kick to the nads. And thanks for stopping by!
I need to come up with some kind of party favor or door prize for first time visitors to the compound. Maybe airplane-size little bottles of booze, or chocolates shaped like guns or something.
Splotchy, I bet he kept notebooks. They frequently do.
Katy, always feel free to send me that stuff. I love it.
Coolcat, then you won't have to listen to as many their hateful Ole and Lena jokes, right?
Johnny, good point--there's a kind of Darwin Awards dynamic there. I'm glad you're thinking of our polite brothers and sisters to the north.
Barbara, so you're saying the urbanized eastern Canadians are perverts?
Ten, I agree, especially when you get up toward the U.P.
Jin, great story! However, while you have Dahmer and Ed Gein, we have John Wayne Gacy, Larry Eyler and Richard Speck, among others. I think the more precise way to phrase it is you lead the country in CANNIBAL serial killers.
Lulu, there might be a lucrative internet market for what you can sell. Think about it.
Shoe-smeller wins hands-down his trousers.
Ooooo, this is exciting! It's a tie right now between the Nut buster and Foot Freak.
You know Echo lives in Wisconsin.
Grant, I expected as much.
Ten, it's like watching a great curling match, isn't it?
Danny, I think he gets my vote.
This is what I miss when I forget how to read? Oh my.
Although I'm tempted to track the NutBuster Parfait (new at Dairy Queen) down and interview him for you, I'm going to instead just vote for the foot freak. Maybe he'll kick the other guy around a bit.
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