Friday, June 01, 2007

Career tips for aspiring criminals

Here's a few tips if you're thinking about committing a robbery:

1) Don't get drunk before you commit your robbery

2) Don't use your victim's credit card to buy 3 cartons of cigarettes, less than a mile away from the robbery, and don't do it in a gas station that has a good security video system

3) Most important of all, don't crash your getaway car while you're driving drunk. The police will probably find the fake gun you used, and your victim's wallet, in the car when you get arrested for DUI.

I'm just saying.

6 comments:

Mob said...

It seems as though the drinking on the job would be a perk of the criminal lifestyle...

Would this be known as a Catch 22?

Johnny Yen said...

Damn, is that what I've been doing wrong all along?

What is it that Bitbinder guy used to say on his tv show? "When we pick these guys up, they're not carrying Mensa cards."

Echo said...

For all you youngsters out there, remember: Don't drink and drive...you might spill your drink...

Barbara Bruederlin said...

Good candidates for the Darwin Awards there.

Bubs said...

Barbara, you're right. This guy was just a loser. Hopefully he'll get some psych treatment and felony probation instead of just being locked up.

Echo, always good advice.

Johnny, I haven't seen ol' JJ Bittenbinder for a long time. He's right about that.

Mob, that's a big benefit, but also a big job hazard--it's like Homer J. Simpson says, alcohol is the cause of, and cure for, all life's problems. Seriously, depending on the jurisdiction doing the testing studies have shown intoxication rates up to 75% for arrestees.

As an aside, thank God this dummy crashed his car and got arrested--the victim's story seemed really odd (the place and manner of the robbery he described made us think he might have gotten rolled by a hooker and was making it up) and we were about to go back and reinterview the victim and tell him we thought he was full of sh*t. Whew.

Dino aka Katy said...

yeah but if they didn't do that the cops would have to work harder to catch them. I this way they kind of turn themselves in. Much easier that way,