Bad music for bad people

Splotchy has put up the complete Lenten Mix: Man, You Know That Sh*t's Not Good For You, my Green Monkey Music Project brainchild. Being the procrastinating blowhard that I am, I waited until everyone else wrote about their song choices before being sufficiently shamed to talk a little bit about my tracks.

Why do I listen to raunchy music? I don't know. As a kid, I didn't listen to it for its shock value--I was too obedient and made sure my parents never heard what I was listening to if it was "offensive". As a parent, it's only recently that I've stopped hiding raunchy music from my kids, once I was sure they had already learned all those bad words, without my help. Another big milestone was when the kids started digging through our LP archives and the vast digital freakshow of the internet and picking out a lot of that raunchy music on their own. Our eldest claims that listening to all that freakery gives her a greater appreciation of our own normalcy.

That, my friends, is a relief.

First up is F*ck the Pain Away by Peaches. Our eldest, Nora, told me an amusing story about Peaches claiming, in an interview in Bust magazine, that this song was once deemed too inappropriate for some strip club. I don't need to post any lyrics for this. Nora describes the song as sounding like the techno soundtrack in a bad Eurotrash nightclub in a sleazy movie. She wants to make sure I note that she means that in a good way.



The second track is Little Girl by John & Jackie. I have this on two compilations, Rockin' Bones and Las Vegas Grind. Released in 1958, it's a manically upbeat little pop number with John crooning some fairly straightforward lyrics:

Little Girl
Little Girl
Well I love you and I think you're fine
Well you're cute let's make some time...

What sets this song apart, especially for 1958, are the backup vocals by Jackie, who gasps and moans and does a better job of vocalizing her orgasms than any porn actress. Whew. I need a cigarette when this song's over, and I don't even smoke.

My favorite is next: Sister Ray from the Velvet Underground album White Light/White Heat, all 17-plus glorious minutes of it. Music that must be endured to be enjoyed. It has drag queens, heroin, oral sex, sailors, gun violence and a police raid. The song was recorded in one take, with all the amps turned up to "11". In a great apocryphal story the recording engineer left during the session after setting the tape to record. I used to get psyched up to work midnights by listening to this track on my drive to work. Here's what Lou Reed said in this interview:

"'Sister Ray' was done as a joke--no, not as a joke, but it has eight characters in it and this guy gets killed and nobody does anything. The situation is a bunch of drag queens taking some sailors home with them, shooting up on smack and having this orgy when the police appear. The jam came about right there in the studio. We didn't use any splices or anything. When we did 'Sister Ray,' we turned up to 10 flat-out, leakage all over the place. [The producers] asked us when it would end. We didn't know. We were doing the whole heavy-metal trip back then. If 'Sister Ray' isn't an example of heavy metal, I don't know what is."

It occurred to me that it would have been possible to do nearly all of this mix and draw only from the collected body of work of The Velvet Underground and Lou Reed. This next track is the title track of Lou Reed's 1978 album Street Hassle.

The tableau set out in Street Hassle can be seen as a worn-out, late 70's version of the scene going on in Sister Ray. A smack fueled orgy without the joy or exuberance:

"Hey that c*nt's not breathing,
I think she's had too much
Of something or other, hey man,
you know what I mean?
I don't mean to scare you,
but you're the one who came here
And you're the one who's going to have to take her when you leave...

Sha la la la man...why don't you just slip away?"

Yes, it's 10 minutes and 52 seconds of good times, presented in three distinct movements, with an absolutely earnest and therefore hilarious spoken word interlude by Bruce Springsteen dropped in at about 9 minutes.

Of course I wasn't the only one to think of Nick Cave when I thought of someone making music that embodies sin.

Stagger Lee is an old blues song that's been recorded hundreds of times, with variations on the theme. We've got about 10 versions of it here at the compound, if you count the Clash's Wrong Em Boyo. Most of the versions tell the story about a killing that takes place over gambling and/or a hat.

The Nick Cave version, snarled out slowly in front of a heavy beat and ominous piano, features gun violence, murder, ass-kicking, a prostitute, ass-f*cking and wildly obscene language that might even make Gunnery Sergeant Hartmann wince.

Enjoy!

LET'S START THIS MONKEY MIX

Here's a lineup of the participants for the latest Green Monkey Music Project:

Splotchy
Beth
Barbara
Tenacious S
Randal Graves
BeckEye
Dena
Lulu

Each one of you will please post your 5 song choices in the comments here, giving us a total of 40 sinful masterpieces--one for each day of Lent.

I will be adding a special 5-song extra sleazy bonus pack. If I may, please allow me to take a moment to remind you of the theme:

Here's the dealio: each song you pick has to have something about it that makes you think "uh-oh, could I go to hell for listening to this?" It has to contain enough references to sex, drugs or violence that, even as you enjoy listening to it, you know it's not really good for you...it might even be harming you in some way. I'm talking sleaze. Mind the blasphemy, though. Please.

The mix will be limited to 8 people who will each contribute 5 song choices. Get it? A total of 40 songs, one for each day of Lent. Years from now you'll be able to listen to it and reflect on your sins, doing penance for each song. It'll be a character builder.

Comment away.

It's Green Monkey Music Project Time!

It's come to this: Splotchy has threatened to revoke the prized GMMP monkey-wearing-a-crown logo that you see on the right of this page.

The combination of his flood-induced anxiety and my procrastination seem to have driven him to some angry, dark place. Believe me, on the internet he's all "oh, I'm a happy go lucky, slightly snarky pop culture creative genius" but you should see my emails from him. ALL CAPS, and laced with threats and worse profanity than I've heard in 20 years of law enforcement. I knew I had to do something, quick.

Usually when I'm confronted with a deadline, or any type of crisis, I quickly rise to the occasion, calm, capable and resolute. Every great once in a while, though, I like to mix it up by simply collapsing into a motionless, slack jawed lump of self-doubt and inactivity. This was one of those times. What to do? What kind of mix could I come up with?

My inspiration came from Lent. It struck me: how much of the music we listen to is, if we're being honest, totally reprehensible? In this house, a whole lot of it. I'll explain more in a moment.

Yes, friends, I am rested and ready. It is time to guest-host a Green Monkey Music Project Mix! I have two possible mix names, and I can't decide which to go with. I'll leave it to you, and ultimately to Splotchy, to decide on the title:

Man, you know this shit's not good for you

or

The Lenten Mix

Here's the dealio: each song you pick has to have something about it that makes you think "uh-oh, could I go to hell for listening to this?" It has to contain enough references to sex, drugs or violence that, even as you enjoy listening to it, you know it's not really good for you...it might even be harming you in some way. I'm talking sleaze. Mind the blasphemy, though. Please.

The mix will be limited to 8 people who will each contribute 5 song choices. Get it? A total of 40 songs, one for each day of Lent. Years from now you'll be able to listen to it and reflect on your sins, doing penance for each song. It'll be a character builder.

Splotchy is in, and I'm in. That leaves 6 lucky commenters a chance to grab a spot, so get to commenting.

I like to go last: my contributions to the GMMP Eargasm Mix

Wow, time flies doesn't it? Earlier this afternoon I found an email in my in-box with the friendly subject line "Hey punk". It was Splotchy, gently reminding me that I had not yet submitted a post describing my choices in Bad Tempered Zombie's Eargasm Mix. I always like to wait until everyone else gets off, but this was pushing it.

So here, without further ado, my choices. You can listen to them by clicking over on Splotchy's post here.

Peter Gunn Theme--Henry Mancini

This is like, the most ultimate swanky, swinging private eye theme music ever. I remember watching repeats of Peter Gunn as a kid and thinking "cool". It starts with a simple cymbal, then the base line, then guitar and piano, and at about 0:12 the horns kick in. I love that moment. There's another great crescendo at around 1:15 when the horns get even louder, and swing harder. The rest is all peak, baby.

James Bond Theme--The Monty Norman Orchestra



Another song that, for me, defines cool. This is the version from the first Bond movie, Dr. No. Is there anyone who doesn't recognize the opening notes of this song? The first 40 seconds of the song is slightly menacing foreplay, then the perfect moment for me is at 1:07 when the brass section really starts screaming. The rest of it is all swagger.

Fear is a Man's Best Friend--John Cale

I first heard this song on a John Cale collection called The Island Years. It was a gift from Splotchy! I was a huge VU fan, but had never heard much of John Cale's solo work. The song begins almost delicately, building with guitar and piano. Around 1:24 it gets more intense when John bangs the keys a little harder:

You know it makes sense, don't even think about it
Life and death are just things that you do when you're bored

Then at 1:35 it peaks and gets louder:

SAY fear is a man's best friend
Say fear is a man's best friend
Say fear is a man's best friend...

The song ends with Cale screaming the chorus over a series of increasingly de-tuned bass runs and crashing cymbals. It's liberating.

Heartbreak Hotel--Elvis Presley



I really wish I knew music, and musical terms, so that I'd have a better vocabulary to describe music that I like. I don't know time signatures or anything like that, but I know that I am consistently drawn to certain sounds. The eldest and I were talking the other day about how, in so many songs that we loved, that what really drove us wild was the space between the notes--the music that had those gaps and pauses that create so much drama and tension in the music. She mentioned Bauhaus' Bela Lugosi's Dead as a perfect example of this. I also thought of Visions Of Johanna by Bob Dylan.

But the one I settled on was this one, by the King. You cue it up, it starts and there's a moment of silence, and then a hillbilly wail:

Well since my baby left me...

Followed by two percussive chords on a honky tonk piano

I found a new place to dwell

Two more chords, bang bang, like a drunk pounding the flat of his hand on the bar

It's down at the end of lonely street that's heartbreak hotel...

The bass line comes in at 9 seconds, when Elvis takes a breath between "that's" and "heartbreak". Elvis' voice drops into a low, almost mumbling stutter and the song takes off, slow and swinging. The whole song is perfect, but what I love the most is the way those first few seconds grab you by the lapel and pull you in closer.

There's No Home for You Here--The White Stripes

Man, I love the White Stripes. I think they've got to be about my favorite act that's come along in the last ten years. The combination of primitive drumming, wild guitar heroics and Jack White's voice is just perfect for me. There's No Home for You Here is not even my favorite song by The White Stripes, but it's got one of my favorite moments: there's a pause around 1:53 in, then a chorus of "AAAAAHHHH" comes in over, and is eventually replaced by, a wall of guitar feedback that lasts until 2:12. I dig it.

Patricia--Perez Prado



I also loves me some lounge music; especially the jazzy, upbeat Latin tempos of Perez Prado. Patricia is one of those songs that people recognize when they hear it, even if they don't know its title or Perez Prado--it's turned up on a few soundtracks over the years. The song starts out with a simple melody, an organ riff over some brushed drums. At 28 seconds the brass comes in and the song starts swinging.

Sunday odds and ends

I came home from work tonight and found this on the dining room table:

MizBubs, her mom and our youngest had gone out to some thrift shops this afternoon. Our youngest definitely scored the best stuff. Not only did she get the earth-tone yarn art masterpiece pictured above, she also got this 5x7 print:



Her room is already a riot of color and curiosities

Full of carnival postcards and big-eyed cats



So these latest acquisitions will fit right in.

_____________________

Work is relatively pleasant and uneventful, but for some reason it's pissing me off to even be there. I have a Green Monkey Music Project mix to work on for my favorite Canadian zombie, and I'm a little peeved that I missed out on a chance to buy a Chinese made AK-47 for only $275. It's like I'm the only resentful middle-aged white guy around who's not getting in on the massive wave of hysterical gun purchasing.

Other than that, I got nothing.

There was no Sunday afternoon cocktail, since I was at work. I know, if I was any kind of hard-working, two-fisted old-school detective I wouldn't let being at work stop me from drinking. Well, just because there wasn't a Sunday afternoon cocktail doesn't mean there can't be a Sunday evening cocktail. Hell's bells, it doesn't even have to be a proper cocktail.

Tonight's drink is bourbon. Wild Turkey 101, on the rocks, with just a splash of water. Drink and repeat as needed.

It's not just any pop. It's a more powerful pop.

I know, I know, 7 days is like 7 months in blog years, but I'm finally sitting down to introduce my entries in Splotchy's Green Monkey Music Project Power Pop Mix. I am a techno-tard, so you'll get no downloadable links here. Nope. You'll have to visit I, Splotchy for that kind of digital interactive fun.

When I think of power pop I think back to a pretty specific time in my life, in high school in the late 1970's. I think the first time I saw the phrase "power pop" was in Rolling Stone magazine, in a story about Nick Lowe. While possibly the best power pop tunes are by Americans--Surrender by Cheap Trick, My Sharona by The Knack, and What I Like About You by The Romantics--the sound of Elvis Costello, Dave Edmunds and Nick Lowe from the late 70's comes to mind first for me. Probably because that's what I listened to when I was first buying records and enjoying music on my own.

Here's what power pop sounds like to me: lots of chords, not many guitar solos, driving beat and a damn catchy, even hummable, tune.

Take Me Out Franz Ferdinand


Franz Ferdinand was the archduke of Austria, and heir to the Austro-Hungarian empire. In 2001 he formed a band in Glasgow, Scotland and the rest was history. When my youngest discovered them and played them for me I was struck by how familiar they sounded (along with another favorite of hers, the Futureheads). They reminded me of stuff I listened to in the late 70's and early 80's.

Dreaming Blondie

One of my favorite songs of all time. Just perfect. It makes me happy and sad at the same time.

Cruel To Be Kind Nick Lowe


Crawling to the USA Elvis Costello


Girls Talk Dave Edmunds


Three of my favorite songs from what I regard as the heyday of power pop. Insanely catchy tunes, great chord progressions, kind of a cool galloping sound. Yeah.

Everybody's Happy Nowadays

Ever Fallen In Love


Two great tunes from the Buzzcocks' 1980 compilation Singles Going Steady. The Buzzcocks are the bridge to newer bands like Franz Ferdinand and The Futureheads.

Basket Case Green Day


Our eldest always hated it when people referred to Green Day as a punk band. Believe it or not, she'd never heard the term power pop, and now that she has she thinks it fits Green Day.

Now head back over to the Green Monkey Music Project Power Pop Mix and give it all a listen. All the hep kids are doing it.

Green Monkey Geography Pop Quiz Mix

I was lucky enough to be walking by the cool kid's table in the cafeteria while Splotchy was planning the latest Green Monkey Music Project--the Geography Pop Quiz Mix! I got in on the action, and with a little luck some day I'll be a GREEN MONKEY MASTER (say that in your best badly-dubbed 1970's kung fu movie voice!)

So here's my choices. I put a lot of thought into these, racking my brains for 5 or even 10 minutes before sending a list of titles over to Splotchy at 1:13 am:

Singapore Tom Waits

This was the very first song I thought of, off of my favorite Tom Waits record Rain Dogs. What a unique sound, and the very first line (we sail tonight for Singapore, we're all as mad as hatters here...) sets the tone.

Mozambique Bob Dylan

When this song came out I immediately wanted to go hang out in Mozambique. Something about the fiddle, the talk of pretty girls, I don't know. At the age of 14 this song sounded so exotic and worldly; in hindsight read about what Mozambique was going through when Dylan wrote this song and you have to ask yourself, Bob, what the f*ck were you thinking?

Streets of Laredo Marty Robbins

A maudlin classic, based on a traditional tune by those masters of maudlin the Irish. Marty Robbins' version is actually slower than the folk versions I've heard (check out the one by Johnny Cash) but it's still great. Get this--this is one of the songs I routinely sang as a bedtime lullaby to my children. By the age of 5 my kids had heard more songs about dying cowboys, train wrecks, prison, murder, morphine addiction and homelessness than any other kids around.

Viva Las Vegas Elvis Presley

This was the second song I thought of. I gave Splotchy the option of using the Elvis version or the Dead Kennedys', but I'm glad he picked the original. I don't think I ever get tired of hearing this. I'll probably be playing it 2 or 3 times a day until December 1st when I head out for the Las Vegas Marathon. It's just got a great frantic sound repeating over and over behind Elvis' slower, cooler vocals. Dig it.

Blue Moon of Kentucky Bill Monroe

This is one of those songs that we have at least a half dozen versions of, including multiple takes by Monroe himself. Originally recorded as a high lonesome sounding hillbilly waltz, in later versions Monroe picks it up. In later versions, like the one Splotchy picked for the mix, Monroe starts it out slow and then speeds it up mid-song. One of Elvis Presley's first recordings for Sun Records was a great rockabilly version of this song.

Wild Cats of Kilkenny The Pogues

A great instrumental by a great band. Kilkenny is a beautiful little city and a fun place to visit--I regret not spending more than a day there when we visited in 2003.

That's Right (You're Not From Texas) Lyle Lovett

I've always had kind of a weird love for Texas, ever since training at Fort Sam Houston in San Antonio back in the early 80's. San Antonio--really, all of the hill country between San Antonio and Austin--is one of my favorite places. Ignoring the current occupant of the White House, I've always found Texans to be kind of quirky in a larger-than-life way, and to my mind there's no better liberal than a Texas liberal. One of MizBubs' brothers has lived there for a few years now, and we love to visit and hang out there. It's on my short list of places to retire to in a few years.

Splotchy asked for snotty

I was recently asked to participate in Splotchy's Green Monkey Music Project. Maybe I should have been offended that he thought I'd have plenty of snotty music, but no--I was flattered! And, as it turns out, we've got plenty of snotty music. I sat down with my eldest daughter and we started picking out tunes.

The first tune that came to mind was Iggy Pop's "Dog Food" off his 1980 album Soldier. That is one snotty record, and before I re-read the instructions, and contacted Splotchy directly because I was too dense to follow them anyway, our list of 37 snotty songs was about 2/3 Iggy Pop.
We whittled that down and here's what we ended up with:

Dog Food by Iggy Pop--From the opening puking sound to the closing line "dog food is my whole life, dog food composes my wife" this is one snotty song. Close runners-up to this opener were I Snub You, Take Care of Me, Loco Mosquito and I'm a Conservative from the same record. Shoot, why didn't we choose any Stooges songs? Beats me...

Platypus by Green Day--My daughter picked out this one, and at first I didn't recognize it. Then, when it degenerated into a series of obscene insults halfway through, I did. Good choice.

Fodderstompf by Public Image Ltd.--I knew something from Public Image would show up on here. Is anyone in the world snottier than Johnny Lydon? I ended up going with Fodderstompf because Johnny insulted me, personally, when I shouted it out as a request at a PIL show at the old Granada Theater. His response to my request: "You think I can remember all the f*cking words to THAT? F*ck you you silly c*nt." Runners-up were Religion from the same album and Track 8 from "Flowers of Romance."

Dirt by Lou Reed--This one's almost too dirge-like to be snotty, but Lou still manages. Dirt is off the phenomenally brilliant but depressing album "Street Hassle." We almost chose Vicious from "Transformer" but that seemed too obvious.

People Ain't No Good by The Cramps--One of my favorite bands, ever. To me, most of their songs are too snarly to be snotty, but the chorus of little kids singing "people ain't no good" put this song right into snottyville.

Baby's On Fire by Brian Eno--My daughter surprised me with this one. She's recently gotten a bunch of Brian Eno, and she suggested this right away. This is way snottier than I remembered, a perfect combination of lyrics and tone.

Pretty Vacant by the Sex Pistols--We knew we had to have a Sex Pistols song on here somewhere, and once again my kid came through. "We're so pretty, oh so pretty, we're vacant...and we don't care..."

Oh Bondage, Up Yours by X-Ray Spex--This is one of MizBubs' favorite songs from the old days. No one sounded like X-Ray Spex. In perhaps the snottiest move of all, lead singer Poly Styrene left the band and joined the Hare Krishna.

Bonus round: Sit On My Face Stevie Nicks by The Rotters--When Splotchy asked for one more track this was the first one I thought of. I first heard this as a high school senior in late 79 or 80. So over the top it's really a novelty song, almost a parody of punk. When I looked it up I was amazed to find out that the Rotters are still around. Jello Biafra described them as "another one of those bands that forgot to break up."