Post your spam random ten

Hot Rod Baby—Rocky Davis

Funguss—Skinny Puppy

You’ve Got Everything Now—The Smiths

Love Me Two Times—The Doors

Goody Two Shoes—Adam Ant

Help Me Somebody—Brian Eno & David Byrne

The Book I Read—Talking Heads

Mary Ann—Lord Invader

Kizmiaz—The Cramps

A Maiden’s Prayer—Willie Nelson

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There, the first part is out of the way. There's today's random ten. No time to install the tunes on the music widget though, got to get moving. Yes sir. Today's the penultimate day of this week's work week, and it's gone fast. Tomorrow is shaping up as a 17 hour day; the first 8 at my regular job and then the rest at what looks like might be a very interesting side job that I probably won't be able to discuss here. I've got another training gig lined up for July, and the house looks like a tree full of monkeys as we plan for our big July 5th shindig.

The heightened vigilance that the discovery of the Chicago River alligator caused will not be short-lived. No. As I said before there have been some scary developments in the conflict known as World War G. I have some important gator stories in the pipeline and I promise I'll get them to you soon.

In the meantime, alert reader Katie Schwartz sent this story my way:

So, a crocodile walks into a bar...

Australians are just as good as American rednecks. What better way to deal with a marauding crocodile than to turn it into a bar mascot?

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Remember a couple weeks ago I suggested posting some random spam on Friday along with your random ten? Consistency is not my strongest virtue, so I didn't do it last week. I forgot, ok? Still, I think it's a worthwhile idea, so here's this week's entry:

I sense the smallness in you, come over to the large side now.
--Jungblut

I don't know about you, but I get kind of unnerved when random spam seems able to sense my insecurity.

Random 5

Yes, it's early and there's lots to get done, so I only had the time and attention span to do an early random 5 this week. The tunes are up on the right:

It's Martini Time—Reverend Horton Heat

I Just Don't Know What To Do With Myself—Dusty Springfield

Cornfed Dames—The Cramps

Dixie Fried—Carl Perkins

Do the Clam—Elvis Presley

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Good news on the job front. I just had a proposal accepted for my first side job of 2008. What's the deal? I'm going to work on the company's handcuffing policy for their loss prevention agents, consult on a script for a training video, and then provide some hands-on training. They haven't decided whether I'm going to actually appear in the video myself. I have a lot of reading and writing to do in the next few days, so I won't be around much.

It's sure nice to have some work fall my way, though. I'm so happy I feel like doing the Clam:

Florida was OK, I guess...

Florida will not destroy me

The Waffle House around the corner from my hotel is full of rock slingers and rednecks, and their grits were lumpy. The wildfires have created a "smoke layer" that the pilot has to warn you about as you approach Jacksonville, so that you don't panic if you smell smoke in the cabin as the plane descends. I discovered that, when you see a sign at the beach that warns you not to swim because of "dangerous rip tides" and the wind is 30 mph, it's a good idea not to swim.

None of this matters; Florida will not destroy me.

I've been on the ground since 7:30 EST Sunday night. The wildfires have apparently driven the alligators deeper into their swamp dens--I didn't have to drive over a single one in the hotel parking lot, or on my way to meet the client. I almost feel cheated. Normally the gators are scampering around down here like squirrels in Grant Park.

I just finished the second night of surveillance and I'm sneaking in a quick post while I finish my beer. Then it's nap time, and then back to interview some people for the rest of the work day. I think I've successfully killed off whatever circadian rhythm I had left.

On a positive note, I had a great shack dining experience at Singletons: a great meal of raw oysters and fried sheephead, washed down with a cheap longneck beer. Singleton's is right next to the 1A ferry landing, next to the Navy base. The pelicans kept me company. Pelicans are regal birds; regal and ridiculous at the same time, which is cool. I got to see the absolute frenzy that hundreds of gulls and pelicans flew into when some shrimping boats came in. Amazing.

Another positive: I found out that, after 1am, I got really good reception for WSM Nashville. I gotta tell you, it's pretty cool to be up all night in a creepy industrial area, sitting alone in your car waiting for something to happen, with old-time hillbilly music as your soundtrack. When the train whistle sounded down the road it created a perfect moment. Made me wish I smoked cigarettes and wore a fedora so I could've felt more like Robert Mitchum.

I better get some sleep.

Like Christmas in January

One thing I really like is ordering stuff online, and then coming home from work to find packages recently arrived, waiting for me on the dining room table. It's exciting!

Anyway, this was a busy week. I spent the past 5 days in a class on dignitary protection. Ever wonder how to redirect the target of gunfire and push him headfirst into a waiting limo? We learned how to do stuff like that. The course culminated in a 10 hour long exercise wherein we protected our two "dignitaries" (a judge and our Chief of Police) who were the targets of death threats from a white supremacist group. We went to Midway airport (where we got to drive out onto the tarmac to pick up our principals, jets roaring overhead), the Bilandic building on LaSalle Street, Tavern on Rush, back to the Bilandic building, and then to the United Center for a Blackhawks game. I have a newfound awe and respect for agencies like the Secret Service and the US Marshall who do this all the time.

So, Thursday night I got home and found two boxes on the dining room table. You see the contents in this picture. I finally broke down and bought a basic notebook computer, and I'm excited about that--now I'll be one of those slick bullshit artists with a Power Point presentation ready for any occasion. It's a Compaq from Office Depot, and once I send in these rebates it will have cost me $499.

The other box did not, sadly, contain a firearm. But it did contain a new holster: a Blackhawk CQC Serpa holster for my Glock 26. What a great holster--it came with attachments for wearing on a belt (which is what you see here) as well as a "paddle" attachment for inside-the-belt wear.

It's nice to be well-equipped.