Zombies Ahead

That's what a digital road sign in Austin, Texas read after some enterprising hackers took control of it. Since this was Texas, several dozen motorists immediately exited the highway to buy more guns.

We can only hope state transportation departments across the nation will be so quick to respond when the real zombie apocalypse finally arrives.

Love Me Tender

Meet Danielle Chastain of Fort Worth, Texas.

Reports do not state whether or not she was an Elvis fan. What the reports do state was that, when police arrived at her home and found her estranged husband outside, bruised and battered, they noted "the distinct “waffle-like pattern” of a meat tenderizer" in his injuries.

Ms. Chastain had beaten her husband with a meat tenderizer. She left the scene before the arrival of police and was arrested later.

This is not what Otis Redding had in mind when he suggested that we "try a little tenderness."

Feel free to insert your own hokey tenderizer jokes in the comments.

OK...so I had a few drinks and someone talked me into tipping a cow. So what? That doesn't make me a bad person.

Boy, are my arms tired...

Yep, nothing builds character like sitting helplessly as a 2 hour flight turns into a 6 hour flight. While Chicago may have been snowy, wet and miserable, Saint Louis was enjoying a beautiful sunny day. I know this, and have photographic proof, because my plane landed there and sat for a while after running low on fuel while holding over Peoria. I swear I didn't kill any albatross, and I have no idea why the weather cursed me so these past few days.

Eventually I made it home, having had a successful trip to Dallas. The filming went well, and I was told by professionals who know such things that I had a knack with the teleprompter. Anyway, the client was happy and I had a good time. My debut in industrial film is in the can.

I had a little time to wander around Dealey Plaza, even though it was dark by the time I got there, and I was struck by how small a space it was. Frankly, my whole world turned a little upside down--after standing near the "X" on the street marking the spot where JFK was hit, and looking up at that 6th floor window, I don't think it was that hard of a shot. Oswald could've made it. That still doesn't explain the pristine bullet, or why anyone would route a procession through a choke point like that, so I still have plenty of conspiracies to ponder.

The best part of my visit to Dallas was finding a hamburger place in a neighborhood east of the Book Depository. The name of the place was the Twisted Root, and I treated myself to a burger with hot sauce and blue cheese, with sweet potato fries and a Shiner Bock long neck. Instead of giving you a number when you order, they give you a little card with some redneck name on it that they pick out of a basket. So what card did I get?



How did they know I once had a dog named Buford? Or that I was a lawman? (Hopefully a less rotund and ridiculous lawman than Sheriff Justice.)

And now I'm home. On Monday we leave for New Orleans.

A question for you all

Which state is the most aggressively and self-consciously themed, Texas or Florida?

My youngest, when we visited Florida two years ago, observed that everything in Florida seemed to be Florida-themed, in other words, there were constant reminders everywhere that you were in FLORIDA, as if you might forget while you were there. She also said, on an earlier visit to Texas, that the problem with Texas was all the Texans. There's something about being someplace where the people seem compelled to remind you, almost constantly, that that is where you are.

I hadn't even made it to the baggage claim tonight after landing when I saw a souvenir shop called "LONE STAR". Nice strong start. They lost theme points almost immediately, however, by having an Au Bon Pain right next to it. Plus I haven't heard any gunfire or shouts of "WOOOO HOOOO" or "YEEE HAWWW" in the past couple hours.

I say Florida wins this round.