Classy!

Las Vegas places a high premium on the appreciation of the classics. It is a classy, classy place.

Consider, if you will, this example of statuary outside Caesar's Palace.

Is this a gryphon? My eldest says it's a Greek sphinx, traditionally depicted as a winged lion with a woman's head.

The Las Vegas version is traditionally depicted as a winged lion with the face of a cocktail waitress and stripper boobs.

Thank you. Thank you very much...

Well, I'm back. Whew.

I have had a peak life experience. From the Wikipedia entry:

"Peak experience is a term used to describe certain transpersonal and ecstatic states, particularly ones tinged with themes of unification, harmonization and interconnectedness. Participants characterize these experiences, and the revelations imparted therein, as possessing an ineffably mystical (or overtly religious) quality or essence."

Words can't describe it. But since I'm a talker, I'm sure I'll try. I have a few themes I plan to expound on in the coming days:

• Good casino smell
• The changing nature of food and alcohol in Las Vegas
• Mega casino theme confusion
• Who is this "Elvis", and what does he mean to us?
• The Hoover Dam is really, really big
• "Progress", very often, sucks

In addition, the brave new science of narcozoology might be about to expand. More on that later this week.

Thanks, everyone, for all the nice comments and good wishes. I wish you all could have been there Sunday. It was a blast.

Now, a few pictures.

This is me on stage at the Elvis pep rally Saturday afternoon at the race expo. The media director for the race got me up there with all the Elvettes (female running Elvi). Being one of the only non-jumpsuit Elvi paid off.

Here's a bunch of the Elvi mingling at the race expo:

This is the Elvismobile. It's a cart with loudspeakers powered by a car battery that plays Elvis tunes. Loudly. And it's got some horns, and a cooler with beer. A big contingent of the Elvi run along behind the Elvismobile.

That's all for tonight folks. Time for sleep.

Who's the big winner?

I am, that's who. And I hope MizBubs feels like a winner also.

Because when you're sitting in front of your Tiki Torch penny video slot machine watching it ring up your $26.00 win, while you're swilling down Jack Daniels that's been brought to you by a cocktail waitress whose breastuhses are pouring out of her dress, well, my friend...that's just about as good as it gets, isn't it?

Sunday evening cocktail

Here's the Sunday evening cocktail, courtesy of Paymon's Hookah Lounge. We stopped in for a nightcap after we at the best meal of our lives at Rosemary's.

Anyway, the drink is the Babylon Spice. MizBubs drank this one; it's loaded with coconut, ginger and mango flavors.

The half marathon went great. I set a new personal record for fastest time running in an Elvis costume.

I'll have more tomorrow. It took a while to get internet access here at the Luxor, which, sadly, is not as good as it used to be. I'll say this--running as one of the running Elvi was the best experience I've ever had running a big race, and I'd love to do it again. I've got a couple good stories to tell, but they're going to have to wait until I get home.

And they're off...

A journey of 13.1 miles starts with a single step.

The countdown continues...

I just finished my last training run, a quick 3 miler. The starting temperature was 29, and what kind of Chicagoan would I be if I didn't throw in the wind chill factor, huh? That made it feel like 19.

It felt good. For some reason this felt like a particularly powerful run. And why, I wondered, was that?
Was it the power of the Elvis hair (even if it was suppressed by a cap during the run)

Was it the powerful new tights?


Or, more likely, was it my good luck mutt, Duffy, who was waiting to see me when I got home?

Now it's time for laundry, some housecleaning and packing before the youngest gets home from school and MizBubs gets home from work. Then it's time to try on the full Elvis suit. I'm not sure if I'm ready for it yet.

TCB!

Counting down

Ok, so we didn't solve the murder we were working on yet...but we're going to. These things take time. Damn you, videotaped statements. I had hoped to be celebrating clearing that case before I headed for Las Vegas, but real life lately has frequently refused to adjust to my timetable. But that will not stop me from having a good time. No sir. Today is the first of 11 days away from work, and I aim to enjoy them all.

Middle age male vanity is a powerful and ridiculous force. Part of tonight was spent dying my hair in order to achieve the proper Elvis color for Sunday's run. MizBubs, girl dynamo, altered my gold lame jacket and got the sleeves to the proper length. I picked up some extra Body Glide at the running store this afternoon, and solved the pants problem. Pants problem? Yeah, it turns out that the gold lame pants that came with the jacket really aren't suited to running. MizBubs, girl genius, suggested that I hit the thrift shops and find some black pants to run in--turns out Elvis only wore the full lame suit a couple of times before ripping the pants, and most of the times he performed in the gold lame jacket he wore black pants as a result. I hit the jackpot--I found two pairs of black pants at the Wings resale shop! One is a comfortable loose-fitting old pair of shiny black dress pants, high-wasted and pleated, and the other is actually a pair of Nike black running pants. I have all day tomorrow to decide.

I went to the library and got some Elvis material for inspiration. While my hair turned color and MizBubs sewed her pretty fingers to the bone we watched the first two disks of Elvis--The Great Performances, which was chock-full of very cool early footage of the King.

And now it's time for bed.

TCB!

So many things

So many things to write about, and so little time, and so few remaining undamaged brain cells, to use to write about them...

For starters there was the whole MizBubs family early Thanksgiving the weekend of the 16/17/18: 20+ people for dinner, at the end of my 80+ hour week, while our upstairs bathroom was totally gutted. Good times. We kept the turkey fryer in storage and instead got a turducken through the mail from Prairieville, LA, which worked out great. Then, after gorging ourselves on turducken and beer, we got up and ran the Lincolnwood Turkey Trot (only the 5k) which has become kind of a tradition with us. Your humble author managed to log his best ever 5k time, but remains humble in the knowledge that, compared to fast people, I still run like I'm carrying a refrigerator on my back...

I was reminded of running because I just got a new set of running tights in the mail, piggybacked onto an order that MizBubs made from Sierra Trading Post. And get this--MizBubs has taken up running too!!!!!! I am a happy hillbilly. We have now become those freaks who you see running around in tights and fleece in freezing weather. Who would've thought?

Getting back to the bathroom...after having to call the installation department at Home Depot TWICE when the toilet backed up after the remodel was done, and finding that the contractors lost not one but TWO rags down the toilet stack, we are now enjoying the new bathroom. When I came in from running last night I finally took my first bath in the new, gloriously deep compared to what we used to have tub.

We have a ridiculously small bathroom, but at least now we have a nice ridiculously small bathroom:

It was very, very soothing. Our eldest now works at Lush, and brings us wonderful fragrant bath products. I myself was wonderful and fragrant by the time I came out of the tub.

While I'm showing y'all pictures of my house, I may as well show you the tiki bar. MizBubs found this on Ebay, and we had a nice road trip to Michigan a couple years ago to pick it up:



Here's a detail shot of the shelves behind the bar:

Ah well. I'm exhausted. Hopefully, in the next couple of days I'll have more.

On Saturday we leave for fabulous Las Vegas, and I plan on taking plenty of pictures and updating everyone from the Las Vegas Marathon.

Now I gots to sleep.

Plushie freak of the week

Southside bureau chief Dena stepped up again with this one, feeding me material while I was otherwise occupied:

Accused thief found with stuffed dog used for sex

Winnipeg police were called shortly before 6 p.m. on March 26 after a Chelsea Avenue resident spotted the man breaking into her garage. The man exited the garage a short time later and moved on to a neighbour's garage, where he stole a lawn mower, a mountain bike, a blanket and a stuffed toy dog.

The man eventually returned to the first garage, where police found him nearly two hours later passed out inside a boat.

"He was lying there with his genitalia exposed next to the stuffed dog," said Crown attorney John Peden. "While the police report doesn't describe it this way, the dog might be appropriately characterized as now being anatomically correct, as opposed to its condition before he removed it."

Oh, one more thing. Alcohol was involved.

OK, let's start getting in the Christmas spirit...

Rise and Shine!

Sorry for not stopping by and commenting on your blog; things continue at a furious pace around here, at home and especially at my job. At least we have a working shower again, and it's a darn fine one, too. The Las Vegas Marathon is next Sunday and I've barely prepared. My Elvis costume hangs in my closet, unpressed and unaltered. I promise that at some point before Christmas I'll return to our regular fare of freaks, perverts, clowns and animal attacks. Until then I'm just throwing up random videos and pictures in a desperate effort to hold on to some readership.

We've taken to listening to motivational speakers and inspirational music lately, just to keep us on track and moving forward.

I'd like to share some of that, so here it is, my gift to you this Monday morning.

Check out these enthusiastic swanky bastards. They're playing "Powerhouse" and swinging it pretty hard, I'd say.

Continuing our celebration of Thanksgiving...

...and wanting to continue the theme of pilgrims and Indians living in harmony, I bring you the rocking video "Apache". This was big in Denmark.

Happy Thanksgiving

Shock the clown

Alert South Side Bureau Chief Dena has informed me that former cop/counselor/daycare worker/minister/clown and noted downstate Illinois child molester A. Paul Carlock died in custody after being Taser'd by jail guards.

According to this story in the Springfield Journal-Register, Carlock had a pre-existing heart condition.

Carlock was better known as Klutzo the Clown.



He is now smoking a dog turd in hell.

Florida alligator takes a bite out of crime

UPDATE: Monday, November 19 at 6:45 AM

Poncho's dinner was officially identified as 36-year old Justo Padron. At the time of his unfortunate introduction to Poncho, Mr. Padron was wanted by police for violating his parole on a cocaine possession charge. Once again we see the cocaine/gator nexus at work. Say no to drugs and reduce your chances of suffering an alligator-involved demise.

______________________

Thank you, Florida.

Even at the end of an 80-hour week, with the turducken in the oven and 20 people coming for dinner in 5 hours, some stories are so important that you have to take a moment to inform the public.

Stories like this one:

Man killed by gator while fleeing police

This incident is an example of what some of us in law enforcement refer to as a twofer. Like a murder case where one criminal kills another--one bad guy removed from the street by killing, one by going to the penitentiary. In this case, one bad guy who clearly should not have been contributing to the gene pool based on his apparent inability to read numerous BEWARE OF ALLIGATOR signs before diving into a gator-infested retention pond, is dead. The man-eating gator was then also destroyed. Humankind gets a twofer.

The alligator, also known to local authorities for his aggressive behavior, was named "Poncho".

R.I.P. New Frontier Las Vegas

The second oldest hotel casino on the strip just bit the dust.

The New Frontier was imploded early Tuesday morning.

The New Frontier originally opened as the Last Frontier in 1942. It was owned at one time by Howard Hughes, and also, partially, by Steve Wynn.

It's demolition makes way for the development of even more high-end properties on the northern strip. Now only Circus Circus, Slots-A-Fun, the Riviera, The Stratosphere and The Sahara remain north of the Wynn.

You can check out Vegas Today and Tomorrow for some excellent information on all the changes.

Early morning checklist

Gun? Check.

Bourbon? Check.

Clown...clown?!

R.I.P. Stanley Stacharski

Stanley Stacharski died Friday at the age of 57, and he will be missed.

Mr. Stacharski was the owner of our beloved Hala Kahiki Lounge in River Grove, the most wonderful tiki bar in all of Chicagoland. He inherited the place from his parents, who founded the business about 40 years ago.

I'm in the mood for a night at the tiki bar. I especially like visiting there during the cold weather and sitting in the warm, dark tropical splendor while the snow falls outside.

Who's your repo daddy now?

That is one of the best lines I've heard in weeks.

I should be sleeping right now, getting enough rest and preparing for the work ahead. But no.

I'm sitting here watching late night tv. Watching ads for class outfits like Legal Helpers. In any event, I see clowns.

I just realized something

See those nacho chips? These are nacho chips from El Famous Burrito. I just noticed something about them.

If you get your nose really close to them, and take a good whiff, these nacho chips smell just like the food court at the Shelby County Flea Market in Simpsonville, Kentucky. Specifically, they smell just like the area around the booth bearing a sign saying, simply, "DEEP FRY".

I found that very comforting and nostalgic.