Happy New Year!

Normally this is the time for looking back over the past year, reflecting on one's struggles and successes, and casting a hopeful glance forward, into the future.

You'll find none of that here.

No, all you'll get is a picture of my sister-in-law Kate's hand, holding aloft our last drink creation of 2006:

The Don Ho Motherf*cker.

The DHMF is kind of a high-octane Blue Hawaii topped with champagne (tiny bubbles, of course) and served in a festive Don Ho tiki mug. We've worked on this recipe for several months, and I'm still not satisfied; fortunately this is the prototype, and there's always room to improve. In the short time since I've served these, while we wait for the oven to preheat, I have discovered that there needs to be a one-drink limit on the DHMF.

Here's hoping y'all have a good night tonight and a good tomorrow. If 2006 beat the sh*t out of you, I hope 2007 treats you better. If 2006 was good, I hope you build on your successes.

Bottoms up!

The Addams Family VS The Munsters

Hannah, one of my brilliant daughters, made an interesting observation today.

In our middle class suburb, we are considered a bit "different". Not in the "here come the cops again" way, but in the "my, what an interesting collection of dancing skeletons" and "you like your kids music?" kind of way. Beyond these superficial oddities, however, we are the traditional, two parent, two kid, two dog "Leave it to Beaver" type family.

Hannah has noticed that the "normal" families, who outwardly appear like the 21st century suburban norm, are frequently dysfunctional nightmares. This is not news to most of us, of course, but I want to share Hannah's analogy between the Addams Family, The Munsters, and real life.

The Munsters expend most of their energy trying to understand and replicate what they perceive to be "normal" behavior. Lily wants nothing more than to have tea with ladies in pillbox hats. Herman wants to be "one of the boys" down at the funeral parlor. Eventually all this social striving simply leads to family strife.

The Addams family, on the other hand, pays no attention to the outside world. They are friendly, but ultimately dismissive of those who dissaprove or can't understand thier values and preferences. The children play well together, happily blowing things up with their favorite uncle. Morticia and Gomez are not only happily married, but still in love.

Our girls have always said that Bubs and I are like Morticia and Gomez, but the similarities thankfully go beyond our breaking into dance at odd moments. After years of self-doubt, we have come to embrace our particular style of parenting and living. Our children are interesting and charming, Bubs and I are still in love, and the rocky road of life is our rollercoaster, not Death Race 2000.

Here's to 2007, and may we all find our internal Addams Family!

Tomorrow Begins Today

That's the slogan that the John Edwards campaign is putting out as he announces his candidacy.

I was in New Orleans twice since Katrina; the first time just a few days after the levees broke, when I volunteered with other police officers, and then again this past March as part of the St Bernard Recovery Project, with Habitat for Humanity. (You can look at all the pictures here.)

I am impressed that John Edwards chose the 9th Ward to announce his candidacy. Right now he's the only candidate I've seen who seems to be speaking for the working person and the poor, and who seems willing to address the widening gap in our nation between the haves and have-nots. I hope he doesn't disappoint me.

Here's a preview of his campaign announcement that's on YouTube. You can visit his website here.



I'll get back to the usual sideshow shortly.

Reflections on Gerald Ford

The recent death of President Gerald Ford has given me cause for reflection, as I'm sure it has most Americans. Specifically, I started thinking about Lynette "Squeeky" Fromme. And then, shortly after, how much Squeeky Fromme, in some pictures, looked like Pee Wee Herman.

50 Greatest Cartoons

OK, this is one of the coolest lists I've ever seen: 50 Greatest Cartoons. Who cares that they're all from North America? I know I don't. The list is based on a 1999 book, The 50 Greatest Cartoons: As Selected By 1,000 Animation Professionals. Anyway, the folks at CityRag found online video for all but 6 of the top 50.

Go ahead and click this here link and check out the list. Have fun!

Huh? Huh.

I almost wish I were at work. Christmas left me so happily dazed, distracted and exhausted that I can't really get much done today, and it seems like a waste of a day off. MizBubs had to return to work at the libary today, Hannah is curled up with her new copy of American Sideshow, and Nora is watching her new collector's edition DVD of Pulp Fiction. John Travolta is driving overdosed Uma Thurman to Eric Stoltz' house for a shot in the sternum. Good times.

Hope everyone had a good holiday. Here's to a pointless week of lowered productivity in anticipation of New Year's Eve!

Manliest Christmas ever...

The initial frenzy is over...the second pot of coffee is percolating, and I'm still pondering the great mystery of how teenage girls who normally have to be dragged out of bed at 11 in the morning can suddenly, and without an alarm, wake up before 6 am. Even the dogs were excited.

We all came downstairs and there it was--my manliest Christmas ever. There was a Bettie Page magnet set, and socks with flaming dice on them, and Bookers bourbon, and a new Leatherman tool and folding knife and all kinda good stuff. Whew. Sadly I can't hit the Christmas bourbon (a real treat with some strong, manly coffee at 7 in the morning, believe me) because it's time to get ready for work.

Merry Christmas

The S.R.C. helpful guide to last-minute shopping

Many people visit this website for useful, up-to-date information on important topics such as freaks, animal attacks and tasty drink recipes. Tonight I'm adding a new service: a comprehensive guide to last minute shopping. And by last minute, I mean, last minute. Shortly before midnight on Christmas Eve. Heck, even laster-minute than that. Thanks to the corporate slavedrivers at Walgreens, you can do your last minute shopping on Christmas day even, on your way to whatever family function it is you're going to. This sign says it all: Yes, I know it's a little blurry. But that's just how it looks to your average Christmas Eve drunkard, roaming desperately through the northwest suburbs, chainsmoking and swearing to baby Jesus that next year he won't procrastinate like this.

I used to tell people I did all my Christmas shopping on December 23 and 24, at Walgreens. I don't know anyone whose heart isn't warmed by opening a hastily-wrapped gift to discover the newest Chia novelty or a tasty Whitman Sampler. But now Walgreens has so much more to offer. Here are a few ideas:

1) Check out the picture frame and photo album display Grab a reasonably-priced frame and then wander over to the magazine section. Pick out a magazine with lots of nice pictures inside. Cut out the prettiest page and fit it into the frame. Everyone loves a beautiful piece of artwork!

2) Head for the toy aisle. The Walgreens closest to me added a second half of an aisle dedicated to inexpensive Chinese imports. They've got everything from toy soldiers to Floam to discontinued models of Barbie.

3) Buy an appliance!
You can get a staggering array of kitchen gadgets. Trust me, that special girl in your life will LOVE getting a brand new omlette maker! And she'll likely be even more impressed when she finds out you only paid $9.99 for it; chicks dig guys who are both thoughtful and thrifty.

Here are two useful tips for fitting in when you make your late night or early morning shopping run:

1) Smoke a lot of cigarettes right before you go inside. It seems like most of the people shopping at Walgreens after 10 pm on Christmas eve smell heavily of cigarette smoke. And maybe booze, but that might be aftershave. Or something.

2) Talk on a cell phone. Hitting the Walgreens can be a team effort. For every brave Joe prowling the aisles, there's a resilient, maybe even long-suffering, Jane at home whispering guidance into his ear.

Just don't try and buy any Club Man hair tonic for your brother. They're sold out.

Merry Christmas!

My dog is pretty damn festive

This is Duffy, in his festive holiday antler headgear. He's excited about Santa coming. You can see him, if you look closely, staring out of the front window, just under the Christmas tree.

Holiday artwork

Courtesy of Photo Shop. You can find more examples here.

Blue Christmas

Sing it Elvis. We still miss you.

Christmas: BRING IT ON!

Yeah baby...

There is nothing planned for the next two days, all I gots to do now is wrap some presents and do some baking. Maybe a run to Binny's on Saturday morning, after Woodfield. I'm thinking of doing something goofy--like heading out to Woodfield for some aimless last-minute shopping. They open at 7 am tomorrow.

In the meantime, enjoy this little video set to one of my favorite Christmas tunes: "The Merriest." I'd lie and tell you this was taken from my family's old home movies, but no one in it is holding a drink or an Erik cigarette.

The YouTube user has disabled the embed feature, so to watch it you'll have to click this here link. It's worth the trip.

Pain pills + nudity=Chrismas fun!

This story comes from Dena, the Compound's south side bureau chief. I'll give you my favorite quote from the story:

...Brewer didn’t know who he was, where his clothes were or how he’d gotten to Damascus.

“I’m standing here with this naked man handcuffed and then here comes Santa Claus,” Richardson said. “I said, ‘Can it get any better than this?’ ”

I'm not sure that it can.

How many shopping days?

Three. Which is plenty of time to shop, but no time at all to send Christmas cards if you haven't already. So, let me take this opportunity to thank everyone who sent us a Christmas card this year. I love them all, and I appreciate the gesture. But I just can't get it together to send all those cards out. I'm just one of those assholes who can't even manage the common courtesy of a holiday greeting card. I'm sorry.

This is the third or fourth year that we really haven't sent out cards. Each year I make lists, and plans, to get them all out the first week after Thanksgiving. I even bought a roll of stamps at Costco. And then I sit down, and before I address even a single envelope, I am overwhelmed, paralyzed even, by the knowledge of how they'll all end up: displayed, briefly, on a door or shelf, and then into the trash. Since we don't use the Christmas card as a forum to send out a family newsletter, or charming pictures of our small children (now 14 and 17 and not so eager to dress in goofy seasonal costumes), it just seems pointless. So instead, I drink, which I'm doing now. And bake, and cook. I'm good at that stuff. And I'm a good host, and I love having guests, and I always bring a bottle of something good to a party, or a nice dish to a potluck. And I like giving presents. Just please, for the love of God, don't ask me to send cards. At that, I suck.

Anyway, here's what's on the hi-fi:

I Ran (So Far Away) – Flock of Seagulls

Watch Her Disappear – Tom Waits

Rawhide – Link Wray

Lagos Mambo – West African Rhythm Brothers

Charge It – Playboys

Kuk – The Trashmen

In the Name of Love – Thompson Twins

Hot Cha – They Might Be Giants

With Plenty of Money and You – Tony Bennett

Uranium Rock – Warren Smith

Yeah...it's that time again

Mmmmm...holiday sweets

I have just had a very, very tasty finish to my meal.

Last Friday I ordered some sweets from Uniquely Yours Pastry Shoppe. I had run across her blog Jintrinsique Unplugged a while ago, and saw a few people talk about her baked goods. Well, let me tell you, they are delicious.

We ordered some black pearl truffles, and some pecan tassies. When the package arrived today, Jin graciously included a lagniappe: a sample of two petits four, which MizBubs immediately declared, upon tasting, to be the best petits four she'd ever had. So there.

The pecan tassies were buttery, flaky little pecan pie tarts that just melt away on the palate. They are pleasantly lighter and less dense than I'd pictured them when I ordered. The black pearl truffles were exceptional--both daughters went silent, eyes wide, and made contented little mewing sounds upon eating them. The contrast between the toasted sesame seeds and dark chocolate shell, and the soft rich center, is really wonderful. It dances on the tongue.

Ahh, the sweets of Christmas. Only a few more days to go. I'm gonna fatten up reeeaal good.

2006: The Year In Review

I got this idea from my sister-in-law Kate, and I tweaked it a little. Here’s how it works:

You take the first couple of lines from the first and last post for each month. Feel free to edit stuff out, or add stuff that wasn’t there in the first place, to make for more entertaining reading. Run them all together chronologically and you have your year in review, all in a neat little package. Go ahead. Try it for yourself. Reduce all of the last 12 months to a few random lines of print.

So, without further ado, here’s my 100% accurate, mostly complete, totally concise

YEAR IN REVIEW

May: I'm finally going to follow my kids' examples and start a blog. What I hope to do is have a place where I can spout off to a potentially large audience (much larger, anyway, than family campouts, holiday meals and parties) and also to connect folks with widely varying interests and backgrounds.

Hah! Lance Armstrong is cleared of doping. Put that in your pipe and smoke it, France.

June: Robert Kosilek has been serving a life sentence in prison since 1990, after being convicted of strangling his wife. Now going by the name "Michelle" he's suing the Massachussets Department of Correction for the 2nd time, trying to get the state to pay for a sex change operation.

It's no longer chaos here at the compound. Almost all of the errands are done.

July: "Anyone who idolizes a zombie dope fiend is going to burn in hell."
--James Denson, also 78, whose mother was Elvis' mother Gladys' good friend.

You know that distinct briny taste you get in your mouth when you go to the beach, or go snorkeling? It's the taste of BACTERIA!!!!

August: I miss Andy Kaufman. What can I say?

MizBubs and I recently returned from fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, where we:
-belatedly celebrated our 20th wedding anniversary,
-said goodbye to summer and sunshine, and
-spent some good time alone, together, to steel ourselves for the hubbub of school and MizBubs' return to full-time employment.

September: This is the farm owned by some of MizBubs' extended family (her sister's in-laws) about an hour west of Dubuque, Iowa.

This is from Viva Las Vegas VIII in 2005. I thought hurtling down a parking ramp in one of these looked like a swell time, but Miz Bubs assured me that was the beer talking.

October: Dig my suede vest. I was very groovy. And studious.

"Kill the brain and you kill the ghoul."

November: This is me, about to light the fuse, and I have that same sense of fierce determination and anticipation.

Check out this picture:
I get home from work at eleven o'clock, after driving through what's turning into a pretty intense ice storm out here in the northwest suburbs.

December: Today started with having to deal with the consequences of District 214's truly sh*tty and backwards-ass decision to NOT cancel classes for today: by 7:30 the car was dug out, cleaned off and the driveway was shoveled, and I had deposited one unhappy daughter at school. MizBubs, girl dynamo, cleared off the sidewalk and helped the neighbor dig out before I got home.

Happy New Year!

Wednesday's random factoid

According to the February, 2004 Harper's Index, a Hummer H2 could be driven around the world 244 times on the excess calories Americans consume each year.

Let's end this Tuesday on a good note

Me and MizBubs found ourselves childless tonight. Wow. The Christmas shopping is done, the girls are gone for the night (school break and all) and being the slacker househusband that I am, I got no dinner ready. So, what to do?

Head to The Tiki Terrace for a few Mai Tai's, that's what. How fortunate are we to have a good tiki bar so close to our house? Pretty damn lucky. They serve good food, too, and Tuesday is $3 Mai Tai night. We had some udon noodles, some fried coconut chicken, a few Mai Tai's, and some lovely conversation with Phil and Eileen who were working there tonight. Nice people. Then we returned home, MizBubs to her knitting and I to the Chuck Pahliniuk novel I got at the library yesterday (Lullaby.)

To top it off, on the drive home we listened to Tom Waits' version of "Young At Heart" from Orphans. It features a very Hawaiian-sounding steel guitar. Kismet.