Bear crisis grows worse, calls for National Guard increase...

This was the heading for an email I got first thing this morning from a friend in Florida. He's referring to this story in the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette about the increase in Pennsylvania's black bear population. He also claims, convincingly, that:

Over 18,000 people have been killed by alligators in Florida this year alone although the number is largely suppressed by the media. And technically, I don't think the state of Florida counts minorities so it's probably much higher.

As long time readers of sprawling ramshackle compound know, there's not many things I like more than stories about bears. Except for stories about alligators, or freaks. Or any animal attack stories.

So reading this bear story got my week off to a good start, especially coming on the heels of Paris Hilton's mauling at the adorable little paws of a kinkajou. I have to check my friend's alligator attack stats, but in the meantime, here's some more animal attack stories:

-An Anchorage man is mauled by a brown bear.

-A Chinaman gets a face transplant after his encounter with a black bear. Lesson learned? Don't try and chase a bear away with a stick.

-Bear vs Pitbull: Pitbull wins when owner stabs bear in the back.

-Killer mountain lions stalk the streets of Evergreen, Colorado. People live in a "vale of fear."

-Hunt them and kill them all you want: it still won't reduce killer mountain lion attacks.

-High-speed low-drag eye gouge technique saves boy from alligator attack. Thank you, Discovery Channel.

-Anti-immigrant Minutemen are now deploying venomous snakes along the border.

-A possible Darwin award here: if you get drunk, don't play with coral snakes. They will kill you.

Naturam expellas furca, tamen usque recurret.

"You may drive out nature with a pitchfork, yet she still will hurry back." Horace, c 23-13 BC

Snakes on a Plane

Kicking Asp: Jackson is fed up with snakes

This is a neat little story in the Chicago Sun-Times about the upcoming release of Snakes on a Plane.

I cannot wait. Miz Bubs and I will be in fabulous Las Vegas when it opens on Thursday night. We will see it there, in the Orleans Hotel Casino movie theater. Miz Bubs, voice of reason, expressed some doubt. My response:

"Come on: Snakes on a Plane, in Las Vegas, at a casino-based movie theater, after a few drinks." She got it then.

It's like I've been saying: what else do you need to know? It's snakes on a plane!

Hey! Someone likes us!

Hey, dig this: the compound got mentioned on another blog. And not one belonging to another family member, either!

Melinda June, who certainly seems like a bright and discerning blogger, saw fit to mention us:

My site meter lead me to a new site that had become a regular favourite. Tom Waits fans, eye for goofy news stories, silly Jesus pics, and a youtube shout out to Andy Kaufman. Them's my kind of folks.

The attention whore in me is doing a jig.

Dig my cool ashtrays

My eldest daughter has a cool boyfriend. For one thing, he tells me about cool websites like the Solar Death Ray: The # 1 Death Ray on the Internet. And really, who doesn't like a solar death ray?

Well, the latest thing he's done is to present me and MizBubs, girl dynamo, with some vintage Las Vegas ashtrays from his grandma. We got five of them, in varying degrees of old school cool:

The Sands
The Riviera
The Flamingo Hilton
Caesars Palace
Ballys

It is official. I am now entering day one of the inevitable pre-Las Vegas trip frenzy. I laid out the prize ashtrays to photograph them, and decided that tonight would be a fabulous night for a beer tasting with Miz Bubs. Nothing says Las Vegas like boozin and smokin, right? I don't smoke, but I can booze. We started with a RedBach Flemish Sour Ale and have now moved on to Lion Stout. The Lion has a frisky 8% alcohol content and is brewed in Sri Lanka. For now the ashtrays will just have to sit there, artfully arrayed on the tiki bar, while we indulge.

Hope y'all are having a good weekend.

PARIS HILTON NUDE

Really I have no idea whether Paris was nude or not. All I know is, the happiest news I've heard all week is that Paris got bitten by a kinkajou. Her own pet kinkajou. Her own pet illegal-to-own-in-L.A kinkajou, according to this story. For us here at the compound, this story is a perfecta: sleazy celebrity freak news combined with a genuine animal attack story!

There are many horrors in the world, but I'd have to imagine that being Paris Hilton's pet would be one of the worst. Good luck little kinkajou.

Tom Waits' Chicago set list

The Eyeball Kid: Chicago setlist

Here's a set list from Tom Waits' Chicago show at the Auditorium last night, courtesy of the Eyeball Kid:

Make It Rain
Hoist That Rag
Shore Leave
God's Away On Business
All The World Is Green
Falling Down

*Note: these two were done with just a piano and upright bass:
Tango Till They're Sore
Tom Traubert's Blues

Eyeball Kid
Down In The Hole
Don't Go Into That Barn
Shake It
Trampled Rose
What's He Building In There
Who's Been Talking / Till The Money Runs Out
Murder in the Red Barn
Lie To Me Baby
Get Behind The Mule

1st Encore
Day After Tomorrow
Singapore

2nd Encore
Whistlin' Past The Graveyard
Time

I think I've had it with Las Vegas

Want to know why? Because I can find that same swingin' action right here in the midwest, baby! And I'm not talking riverboat casinos or a road trip to Tunica. I'm talking FantaSuite Hotels.

Yah, you betcha. Set in such fabulous midwestern locales as Burnsville, Minnesota and Dodgeville, Wisconsin, FantaSuites has it all. From their website (and dig the mom jeans on the female in the first pic and the porn mustache on the dude):

Suites With A Unique Fantasy Theme
From the ancient land of Caesar's Court to the futuristic Space Odyssey, let our FantaSuite Suites transport you to the world of your dreams. Each is a unique experience, an adventure, a romantic retreat designed to completely immerse you in the getaway of your choice.
		Every FantaSuite Suite includes a spacious whirlpool spa, one or more color televisions, customized furnishings and other amenities.
		No matter which you choose, you're sure to be delighted with these extraordinary accommodations.
They're the ultimate in escapes, perfect for a Honeymoon, Anniversary, Valentine's Day, or Birthday getaway - or turn any night into an unforgettable evening of fantasy and romance!
				All FantaSuite Hotels feature a variety of FantaSuite Suites which may differ from those shown here.
Robes, chocolates, flowers, and baskets are also available at some locations.
				Check the FantaSuite Hotel nearest your location for information and reservations for your next special occasion or getaway!!

Tom Waits at the Auditorium Theater

What an amazing show. Tom played about 2 hours, two encores, just a fantastic and amazing set. I'll talk more about it later today.

Penguin Spill

KTBS - Local - Truck Hauling Penguins, Exotic Fish Overturns on East Texas Highway

A tragedy. Fortunately, though, the second truck in the convoy did not crash--it was carrying snakes and alligators.

Dazed and Confused. Fatuous. Pompous.

Main Entry: fat·u·ous
Pronunciation: 'fa-chü-&s, -tyü-
Function: adjective
Etymology: Latin fatuus foolish
: complacently or inanely foolish : SILLY fatuous remark>
synonym see SIMPLE

Main Entry: pomp·ous
Pronunciation: 'päm-p&s
Function: adjective
1 : excessively elevated or ornate <pompous rhetoric>
2 : having or exhibiting self-importance : ARROGANT pompous politician>
3 : relating to or suggestive of pomp : MAGNIFICENT

And yet, I can't stop myself from listening to this shite.

Dixie Fried

What a great weekend

Man. I wish the weekend were longer. Even getting called repeatedly from work didn't piss me off enough to mess up my weekend with my in-laws. We got to do some catching up with MizBubs' dad and stepmom. Me and my father in law looked at the little canoe that could and started coming up with a restoration game plan (you hear that Kate?) MizBubs and the girls and mother in law headed for IKEA.

We ate reallllly well this weekend. We tried out a few new recipes.

First off, MizBubs told me she was going to give me something she should've given me a long time ago: a

Bum's Rush (from Beachbum Berry's Intoxica)
1 oz triple sec
1 oz honey liqeuer
1 oz fresh lime juice
1 oz apple juice
1& 1/2 oz tequila

Shake well with crushed ice, pour into glass filled with crushed ice. Garnish with lime wedge.

This happened on Friday after I got home from work. Man. The drink was mighty tasty. I think it might replace the Suffering Bastard in my hot weather strong drink lineup.

This weekend was all plank cooking. I had to use my kick-ass grill as much as possible, and I decided everything I cooked on the grill had to involve wood planks. MizBubs had gotten me some cedar planks as a gift. Saturday night it was:

Cedar Plank Trout from Emeril Lagasse's Louisiana Real & Rustic

2 untreated cedar planks or shingles
6 trout fillets
3 teaspoons rustic rub (I use Tony Chacere's Creole seasoning)
1 bottle white horseradish
6 teaspoons grated orange zest
6 teaspoons grated lemon zest
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cayenne
2 teaspoons sugar

Soak the shingles in water at least 2 or 3 hours. Rub one side with oil before cooking.

Season the fish on both sides with the rustic rub. Combine the horseradish, lemon, orange, salt, cayenne and sugar.

Place fillets on oiled side of shingle. Spread horseradish mix over fillets.

Place shingles on center of hot grill, close lid and cook for at least 10 minutes, until fish flakes easily. If shingles catch fire, shpritz with water. Mmmmmm.

Then on Sunday, it was:

Sage Pesto Pork Loin from Plank Cooking: The Essence of Natural Wood

2 pound pork loin
20 fresh sage leaves (we have a healthy batch of sage growing in the herb garden)
4 cloves garlic
Rind of 1 lemon
2 teaspoons salt
1 tablespoon olive oil

Soak cedar plank in water at least 2 or 3 hours.

Blend sage, garlic, lemon, salt and olive oil in food processor

Shmear over pork loin and marinate in a ziploc bag for at least 4 or 5 hours.

Rub oil on one side of plank. Place pork loin on oiled side. Grill at 350 degrees at least 1-1&1/2 hour, until pork reaches 160 degrees.

At the end of the day we all ended up in the backyard, sitting on the deck and talking. My eldest girl's boyfriend graced us with some clove cigarettes. Minus the AquaNet, it smelled like the 1980's out there. It was fun. My mom came by and I even made some mint juleps with fresh mint from the garden. Yeee haw.

Oh, and one more thing. My eldest is going to be able to see Tom Waits after all. As long as I pay for cab fare from Schaumburg to the Auditorium Theater, anyway. She gets off work at 8pm, the show is scheduled to start at 8pm (which means 8:30 or 8:45) so things look good for her. Life goes on.

Sunday Morning

Sunday morning, quiet, cloudy and cool. I was the first one up, not counting nervous little dogs, and followed shortly after by my younger daughter, which was a nice surprise. Now I've got some company. Oh--here comes the rain. Guess a visit to Kane County Fair is out now. Maybe I'll bake a coffee cake with some fresh blueberries. But then I'd have to wake MizBubs, however briefly, and ask where she got the recipe. My daughter and I are negotiating who will make a fresh pot of coffee.

I love the Velvet Underground. I know it's hokey to play obvious theme music, but the song Sunday Morning is just so perfect. Here it is, with some old VU film footage:


I just finished reading Breach of Faith: Hurricane Katrina and the Near Death of a Great American City. Highly recommended.

Moving along with my love of all things swampy, I just started The Swamp: The Everglades, Florida, and the Politics of Paradise. Excellent book so far.

A perfect moment

I'm always on the lookout for the perfect moment.

I think I might have heard that phrase in a Spalding Gray piece years ago..."perfect moment." It's a moment where everything is, well, perfect. Time kind of stops, there are no worries, everything at that time and place just feels right, the way it's supposed to be. It can be a moment of natural beauty (it usually is for me), or a moment of achievement, or with loved ones. It all depends.

The thing is, you got to be on the lookout for them or you can miss it. I mean, sometimes it's easy to have a perfect moment; when you're on vacation in the Florida Keys, for instance, and you're having a great time with your family, and you're standing on the beach and the sun is going down and you're drinking a rum & tonic surrounded by people you love, and who love you, and the sky is amazing colors and you're smoking a delicious cigar... well, you see, that's easy. It's easy to have a perfect moment there. What I'm talking about is more the surprise perfect moment, the one that sneaks up on you and makes you go "ah." It's those that keep you going if you ask me.

This morning I drove up to Wisconsin to go shooting at an outdoor range with other police officers. It was pouring rain pretty good when I left the compound and headed north. A day outdoors, shooting, just beats the hell out of a day at the police department, so I was already off to a good start.

I got to the range, and helped the rangemaster hang targets while everyone stood around and bullshitted and smoked. I try and make myself useful while I'm up there. The range has targets at 25, 50, and 100 yards. Each group of target frames is backed by a big earthen berm, and the whole range is surrounded by trees. It's a really nice place.

As we walked out to the 50 yard line and started to hang targets a light rain was falling. The air smelled like grass and dirt and rain, and after several days of 95+ heat, it felt like a cool washcloth on your forehead. There are all kinds of weeds and wildflowers growing behind the targets, against the 20' high earthen backdrop, and as we walked up to hang targets we startled a goup of about a half dozen goldfinches that had been in the weeds behind the target frames. There I was, holding a staplegun, just gawking as all these beautiful birds took flight and headed up into the trees. And then I noticed two little chipmunks in the weeds, they ran up the embankment and disappeared over the top. The rangemaster was intent on getting the day started, and I don't think he saw any of it. I kept my observations to myself, but I felt blessed.

Countdown

6 hours, 45 minutes: Until I can leave work, go home and get some sleep after spending last night walking low-income apartment complexes (in the 90+ humidity) as part of a "street crime suppression" team

21 hours: Until shooting at the outdoor range tomorrow, always a good time. I have to qualify with the shotgun, M14, MP5 and AR15.

2 days, 2 hours: Until we get to see MizBubs' family this weekend. It's been a while and we've got a lot of catching up to do. I'm going to cook something on a cedar plank, and make fresh mint juleps.

1 week: Until Tom Waits at the Auditorium Theatre!! (*Troubling news though--my eldest just called in tears to say she can't get the night off. Dang it. I hate to tell her this, but she should've asked for the night off earlier than one week in advance. We ordered the tickets on July 15, but she didn't put in for the night off until this morning. I can't say that though, she's devastated. Poor girl, I don't know what to do to make things better, hopefully I'll figure something out.)

2 weeks: Until me and the Miz escape the compound for three days in fabulous Las Vegas.

Drive-In Movies Make a Comeback

It's turning into pop culture Tuesday here at the compound. I just ran across this story about drive-in theaters. While there's nothing like the 4,000+ drive-ins that there were in the 1950's, the good news is that 20 new theaters have opened in the past year.

Did you know there's an association of drive-in theater owners? You can visit the United Drive-In Theatre Owners Assocation website and find a drive-in near you.

MTV 25th Birthday

MTV debuted on 12:01 a.m., Aug. 1, 1981, with "Video Killed the Radio Star" by the Buggles. The first VJs were Nina Blackwood, Mark Goodman, Alan Hunter, J.J. Jackson and Martha Quinn. Jackson passed away in 2004. The rest now host the Big '80s channel on -- wait for it -- Sirius Satellite Radio. Oh, the irony.

I miss Andy Kaufman

What can I say?

Cool science, bad news for germphobes

BBC NEWS | Science/Nature | Thousands of microbes in one gulp

You know that distinct briny taste you get in your mouth when you go to the beach, or go snorkeling? It's the taste of BACTERIA!!!!

It's in the mail. Keep your fingers crossed.

I just got done with the proposal I've been working on, and sent it off by email as I sealed a printed copy into an envelope to drop in the mail tomorrow morning. It's a proposal to provide training to a fairly large corporation's security officers, and is the biggest proposal I've done yet. Lord, I hope they go for it. Who would've thought, years ago when I was being thrown around like a crash test dummy and sprayed repeatedly with pepper spray to demonstrate its effects, that someday I'd get paid to teach people how to do this stuff?

I'm exhausted just thinking about it.