Who needs a shower?

This picture is from the little-known ABC After School Special:

Alexander

The story of a retired clown and his undying love for children

Take a walk

I know this is short notice, but it's the best I can do.

Tomorrow morning, September 29, I'm going to participate in an Out of the Darkness Community Walk at the Busse Woods Forest Preserve in Elk Grove Village. The walk starts at 11:00 am, and the proceeds benefit the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention.

A bunch of us were going to form a team to raise money, but we got our act together too late; so now a few of us are registered as individuals. There's no registration fee, and there's no minimum amount of money that you have to raise. I suppose you could just grab a cup of coffee, show up and walk through the woods for a while to show your support if you wanted.

Here's a map. The event is taking place at Groves 5 & 6; the entrance is off Higgins Road (IL 72).



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Swankyville Random Ten

I decided to do something a little different for this week's random ten. Instead of hitting the shuffle for our entire collection (which is how all my kids' cool tunes, and MizBubs' glam rock and folk music get on my playlists) I decided to limit myself to my "lounge" playlist, about 300 songs ranging from jazz, exotica and swanky vocals of the 40's, 50's and 60's. Here goes:

Rain in Rangoon—Marko Polo Adventures

Get Happy—Frank Sinatra

Why Wait—Perez Prado

Bittersweet Samba—Herb Alpert & the Tijuana Brass

Song of the Islands—Martin Denny

Tout Doucement—Blossom Dearie

Taki Rari—Yma Sumac

She's A Lady—Tom Jones

Diga Diga Doo—Bob Thompson

Jungle Drums—Esquivel

Now I don't know about you, but those tunes put me in the mood for some exotic fun. It's a good time to revive Johnny Yen's Margarita Friday, and it's an even better time to watch the beautiful Betty Howard do her thing by the fountain in a tropical courtyard:



Friends, let's all drink a toast to each other: raise your glass, or your coffee cup, or your bottle of water or what ever--we've just about made it through another week.

Law Enforcement Quote of the Week

"I was stupid and trying to impress three pretty girls who were paying attention to me."

--Muncie, Indiana police officer Jason Lyons, explaining to a supervisor how he crashed a squad car while taking three Ball State co-eds on a joy ride at one o'clock in the morning.

You can read more about the soon-to-be-former officer's antics here.

What a wonderful world

Name that drink

Seriously. I have no idea what to call this drink, and I'd like one a you sharp readers to name it for me.

I was too lazy to make a true Suffering Bastard, so here's what I did instead:

• Fill a glass with ice
  
• Add one (or two) shots of bourbon
• A dash (or two) of Angostura bitters
• A splash of juice from the jar of maraschino cherries
• Top with ginger beer from the bottle you found stuck in the back of the fridge

It was delicious.

Any suggestions?

UPDATED September 25 at 6:11 AM

This drink is now officially known as a "Lazy Bastard". Jin gave it the name that, in hindsight, seemed perfectly obvious, seconded by Katy, Johnny Yen and Beth.

Thanks for helping out everyone. Thanks to your effort, a little drink found his name. You are all to be commended!

Get Rhythm

Do you think that Johnny's inspirational shoe-shine boy used Shinola?

A public service announcement

Has anyone ever told you that you don't know shit from Shinola?

Well, now you do.

A chicken in every pot!

That's what I'm promising if you vote for me over at Blog Interviewer.

Click on this here link to see my interview.

I know I'm like, weeks behind the cool kids like Dale, Barbara, BeckEye and Splotchy. What can I say...I'm slow to commit sometimes.

Now, please listen--I'm counting on all of you to start voting, early and often. Because, in true Cook County fashion, if I win any of the cash prizes I will give my most prized constituents lucrative patronage jobs. And I'll use the money to buy you drinks.

Food and drink

The other day a social worker asked me what I did for stress relief, and running was the first thing off my lips. Then I had to pause, and I came up with time with my family, and spending time outdoors, and then...cooking. I felt like crap the other day and called in sick, then ended up sleeping most of the morning and afternoon. I felt better when I got up, and without even really thinking about it started baking cookies, chocolate chip oatmeal cookies, and MizBubs ended up making a delicious pork stew and Irish brown bread. The house smelled great.

While drinking should not be tops on anyone's list of stress relief strategies, I have no doubt that the quiet, slow enjoyment of a tasty cocktail, glass of wine, fine whiskey or cold beer contributes greatly to a sense of well-being.

Sitting down and eating a dozen donuts or a pound of bacon at once might provide some satisfaction in the short run, it's probably not a good idea to lean on food as stress relief. That being said, the enjoyment of the right food at the right time goes a long way to restoring your spirit.

Take, for example, this lovely box:

See, at one time this box was full of 5.5 pounds of delicious handmade pastries. But, by the time I could find my camera, this was all that was left. Me and MizBubs came home at the end of a shitty day last week and found this box on our front stoop. Seems that the lovely Jin, of Uniquely Yours Pastry Shoppe, sensed my distress at the loss of my friend and did what she does best--she baked. Here's what we got:

• Lemon slices
• Cappuccino brownies
• Molasses cookies
• Apple crumble squares (these were like the top of my mom's apple crumb pie)
• Apricot scones
• Fruit muffins

Jin thoughtfully included storage instructions for items that had to be kept longer than 2 days. Trust me, we didn't need them. I can say I've never in my life ever had a better selection of baked goods.

_____________________

Sunday afternoon I marinated some chicken breasts in garlic, rosemary and olive oil. We ended up harvesting about 2 pounds of red chard from our garden, and we sauteed the chard in olive oil and garlic. When it was done we tossed the chard/oil/garlic mixture with roasted pecans, chopped crispy bacon and feta cheese, and mixed it all with some pasta. Then we cut the grilled chicken into strips and served it with the pasta. YOW. Good stuff.

So, what drink went with this Sunday feast? We returned to an old favorite, the Sazerac. While the best Sazerac around, in my opinion, is served up at the Napoleon House in New Orleans, the recipe we use is from the Gumbo Shop cook book. Bourbon (or rye whiskey), sugar syrup, Peychaud's Bitters, and absinthe with a twist of lemon peel.

_____________________

On Wednesday we continued with the New Orleans-themed drinks. MizBubs reached into her seemingly endless bag o' tricks and dug out a drink called a Brandy Crusta:

• 2 shots of cognac
• 1/2 shot of triple sec or Cointreau
• 1/2 shot of maraschino liqueur
  
• 1/2 shot of fresh-squeezed lemon juice
• 3/4 shot of cold water
• 4 dashes of Angostura bitters

Shake all ingredients with ice and strain into a chilled glass rimmed with sugar, with a lemon peel twist. When you're done it looks like this:

We followed up the cocktails by picking some Thai basil from our garden, and then tossing it with some ground beef from the freezer, along with garlic, chili paste, sugar and fish sauce. We served the whole affair over basmati rice.


And this carries us into the end of the work week.

Eat, drink and be merry.

Stupid reptile tricks

I've done a lot of stupid things in my life. Some of them involved the consumption of alcoholic beverages.

But I've never, ever put a venomous snake in my mouth to show off for a girlfriend. Now that is bad-asssss. Snakes in a motherf*cking mouth.

23 year old Matt Wilkinson, after consuming a few beers, handed his girlfriend a beer, not realizing he was also holding a 20" rattlesnake he'd found a few weeks earlier. (Yeah, I know, chicks dig a guy who brings a pit viper to a backyard barbecue.) When girlfriend protested, Matt stuck the snake in his mouth to show girlfriend how cool the snake was.

And damn if the snake didn't bite him. You can read Matt's story here.

As Matt said, "You can assume alcohol was involved."

Don't snorkel in the gator hole

As if any reader of this blog needs to hear that message repeated...

Unfortunately, a 59 year old man swimming in Lake Moultrie, South Carolina was not so lucky. That's his arm that you see in the alligator's mouth. Intrepid DNR officers shot and killed the marauding gator, cut him open and retrieved the arm from his belly. Some nurses picnicking nearby gave up a cooler and some ice to preserve the limb, but ultimately doctors could not reattach the arm. You can see the entire series of photos here.

The attack has heightened fears about alligators in human recreation areas. The alligator involved in this attack was 35-40 years old, and accustomed to humans. My sources tell me that young scout gators frequently train in this area before being shipped off to crack houses on the east and west coasts.

On a positive note, the trapper who killed the alligator has offered to mount the head and offer it as a trophy to the victim. Normally he'd donate the meat to charity, but seeing as how the gator was feasting on long pig it doesn't look like anyone would want the gator meat.

Remember--CONSTANT VIGILANCE!

Love Minus Zero/No Limit

YARRRRR

"There! That's what I think of ye. Before an hour's out, I'll stove in your old block house like a rum puncheon. Laugh, by thunder, laugh! Before an hour's out, ye'll laugh upon the other side. Them that die'll be the lucky ones."

Thank you, Ol' Chumbucket and Cap'n Slappy.

GET GOING

All right you primitive screwheads, listen up!

It's Monday morning--time to get productive, time to get busy, time to get going.

Here's a frantic up-tempo version of Perez Prado's "Patricia" to help you on your way:

Hero cops reprimanded in gator incident

This story is from southside bureau chief Dena.

Two intrepid cops in Altamonte Springs, Florida, called on to confront a rogue alligator rampaging through an apartment complex, took quick and decisive action. They wrestled the gator into submission, saving God knows how many lives in the process.

Are they being feted like heroes? Commended for their actions?

No. They are being "counseled" which in police administrative jargon is the first step on the disciplinary ladder, right before verbal or written reprimand. That's right--instead of turning that gator into a 4-legged lead mine with whatever firepower they had handy, they went hands-on to neutralize the threat. No ricocheting bullets, no collateral damage. And now some police administrator, obviously soft on the issue of gator violence, wants to "counsel" them.

Sheesh. People wonder why cops burn out.

I can only hope that department's narcotics investigators take a close look at the residents of that apartment complex. Narcozoology tells us that, if alligators lurk in a residential area, so does the dope fiend.

Do something useful

Like, for instance, fold some laundry while you're swilling beer watching the game.

This adorable and efficient young woman can show you how:

Post-run Friday Random Ten

Tomorrow is the peak of the Chicago Marathon training season: a 20 mile run. After tomorrow, it's three weeks of tapering off to race day on October 7. After the 14 miler last week I developed a wicked sore muscle in my left calf, almost a charlie horse feeling. I've iced, stretched (obviously not enough or it wouldn't have gotten that sore in the first place) and poor MizBubs has worked her talented little fingers to the bone trying to massage the knots out of it, but it still nags. We'll see how it goes.

I did a brisk three miles when I got home from work tonight to try and work it out a little. I should have run 20 miles this week, but I've only run 8.

Anyway, I fired up the iTunes and here's what came up:

Blue Moon of Kentucky—Elvis Presley

I'll Be Your Mirror—The Velvet Underground

She-Wolf—Jessie Mae Hemphill

Something's Gotten Hold of My Heart—Nick Cave & the Bad Seeds

It Can't Happen Here—Frank Zappa & The Mothers of Invention

Ace of Spades—Link Wray

Hiccups—The Empallos

99 Chicks—Ron Haydock and the Boppers

Cousin Family—Lord Invader

Waiting At The End Of The Road—Fats Waller

Here's hoping y'all have a good weekend.

I want one of these

I wonder if this works on alligators...

Freak of the week

Let's give this a try.

This week's freak is Carlton Davis, the Minnesota Toe-Licker, pictured at right. After stealing a woman's purse and cell phone he announced "now I'm going to suck your feet." And then he did. Thank you, Smoking Gun.

Now, because it is Wednesday (and Wednesday means weenie-wavers!) I'll give you a couple more freaks to consider. While their antics may not be as entertaining as those of some Republican legislators or gospel radio personalities, they're still worthy of note:

51 year old carpenter Percy Honnibal was found not guilty of indecent exposure. Mr. Honnibal likes to work in the nude because it's fun and it keeps his clothes clean and sawdust-free. According to the article:

"Alameda County Superior Court Judge Julie Conger ruled Thursday that although Percy Honniball of Oakland was naked, he was not acting lewdly or seeking sexual gratification."

Judge Conger added, "and anyway, naked middle-aged carpenters are hawt."

Finally, an unnamed freak from Canada, who got caught masturbating in a campus library while viewing porn on a computer. When approached by security the man responded "I'm almost done, can I finish?"

The I think I might be back Friday Random Ten

Words fail me.

I've always been confident in my ability to express myself, and I've always been a talker. I have a report card from when I was in first or second grade, and the teacher actually wrote something like "needs to shut up" in the comments. While my youngest has described me as "blabberous", I'm not just a talker--I've always been an avid reader, and I'd like to think I'm a decent listener. Me and words, written or spoken, we've always gotten along great.

Until this week.

I find it difficult to read, difficult to talk.

There have been more times than I can count in the last week when I've gone to say something and either forgotten what I was going to say, just staring, or even worse, started to speak and instead of words just...sounds...came out. When I did talk, every conversation ran the risk of devolving into ranting or sobbing. I haven't picked up a book or magazine since August 29, and I haven't been reading the news or blogs like I used to. I don't know why, but I just can't.

I did manage to read all the comments you folks left on my last post, and I read them a bunch of times, too, usually late at night or early in the morning. And I read the emails you sent. My brother and his beautiful wife came through with free tickets to the Renaissance Faire and gave me a perfect day with my niece and nephew walking around that glorious freakshow on Labor Day. That's the only day in the last week I really remember clearly. What I wish right now is that I could see each and every one of you, in person, so I could grab you by the hand and look right into your eyes and say "thank you." Thank you.

After the events of the past week, it just doesn't seem right to go back to posting the same bullshit I usually do. Sometime, soon I think, as I get back to my routine, I'll start visiting blogs again. I've tried, but what happens is that I see something that entertains, amuses or moves me, and I want to comment, but I can't. And then I feel dull, and guilty for not commenting.

Fortunately the Interwebs provide opportunities to engage in ritual behavior like the posting of random song selections from your MP3 player. Like memes or quizzes, it gives the opportunity to do something without really doing much. Like going into the office, being there physically for 8 hours, and essentially just moving some papers from one end of the desk to the other.

So here it is, today's random ten:

When You Get Drafted—Dead Kennedys

Nothing like starting with angry thrash.

Trouble's Braids—Tom Waits

Of course there's Tom Waits. A few days ago I went to an all Tom Waits, all the time, format in my car driving around. I just came out of it yesterday. This one is a great poem from Swordfishtrombones.

A Pistol For Paddy Garcia—The Pogues

A spaghetti western instrumental that I got as a bonus track on a reissue of Rum, Sodomy and the Lash.

Ball and Chain—Social Distortion

Boy, is this one perfect. At least I didn't end up locked up or alone in a cheap motel room this week. I have some hard thoughts about my choice of career these past 19 years, but that will pass. This is a great sing-along when you're down: "You can run all your life, but not go anywhere..."

All Mama's Children—Carl Perkins

The good thing about being from Irish and hillbilly stock is that you're allowed to transition, seamlessly and enthusiastically, from maudlin to raucous. Carl Perkins is here to help you do that. Now rock!

I'm Still Here—Tom Waits

Yes indeed.

Red Tan—The Raveonettes

A few years ago I heard about the Raveonettes and bought a CD for my eldest, and now she's got everything they've done. I love it when my kid's music shows up and surprises me. At their best the Raveonettes remind me of Jesus and Mary Chain or the Velvet Underground, but poppier. How often do you hear brooding guitars and dreamy vocals combined with sleigh bells?

I Need Your Lovin' Kiss—Harold Jenkins

Harold Jenkins was an artist on Sun Records and he does some classic stuttering, hiccuping rockabilly here.

I Can't Find My Mind—The Cramps

Holy shit. Lux Interior got inside my head.

Wait—Lou Reed

A ridiculously upbeat, nearly twee song at the end of the brilliantly grim Street Hassle. Not a bad finish to this random ten.

Thanks for stopping by. I'll see you around, I promise.

I don't know how to say this

I probably won't be posting any time soon, or commenting much on any of your blogs.

Without going into a lot of morbid detail, a friend of mine, a coworker who I've known for 12 years, killed himself last week.

This man was, without a doubt, the best of all of us. There were no signs of depression that we could see, and he was literally the last person any of us would have thought to be at risk. I was put in charge of coordinating the department's arrangements and acting as the department liaison to the family. The last week has been a blur of meetings with grieving family, funeral directors, priests, social workers, Honor Guard members and phone calls and visits with other officers. We stood guard over his coffin Friday night during the visitation, and he was so loved that his procession was over a mile long on Saturday.

MizBubs attempted to post something to explain my absence, but couldn't bring herself to do it. She has been an amazing woman through this, and no one should have to have heard the things she listened to me saying these past few days.

It has been a difficult time. I had two days off and I'm back at work now, finishing up some administrative details. My online classes were supposed to start yesterday, and my classroom classes start Monday. It may be too much for now, and I need to decide whether to continue or withdraw by the end of this week. The Chicago Marathon is 4 weeks away, and while I feel healthy, I'm also more exhausted than I remember ever feeling in my life.

Go find someone you love and hug them, and tell them you love them.